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3 Questions Your Lover Needs To Answer, Always

Only 3 But They're Tough

If you can't make a self-admission then don't read anymore

Before we get into this, let’s all admit to ourselves (an honest self admission) that both you and I all have secrets as well as agendas.

When I say the word agendas most people instantly think of divisive or manipulative areas that we hide from our partners.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Agendas are simply areas of our lives that we would rather not share with another. They are objectives in our lives that we hold close to our hearts.

With some people, agendas are secretive and manipulative but this article is more about honesty and transparency, to build long-lasting and sustainable relationships between two individuals that wish to be (and to find) true love.

To become soul-mates in life.

If, for any reason, you are unable to make a self-admission that you do have secrets, please don’t bother going any further.

You obviously have challenges that need to be resolved.

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1. Progression To Commitments

The very first thing in any new or blossoming partnership between two lovers is determining what is their commitment levels are right now as well as where they see themselves and the relationship moving forward to.

And this is where secrets and agendas can unravel and confuse those people involved.

This is also why this area needs to have continued and ongoing reviews between both people

commit and stay focused to reach the goal

Commit and stay focused to reach the goal

Why Is This Important To You Both?

If you’re unable to share where you think the relationship is and where you personally want to see it move to then both peoples’ goals are unknown.

Because they are unknown, you’ll both be travelling on different paths.

Further to this, a journey on different paths suggests that at some point in the future, you’re journey will split off; there will be confusion as to why this is happened; and sadly, most relationships in the situation end.

It’s unfortunate to see this happen but the majority of relationship failures stem from the confusion of simply not knowing where the other person wants to go with you, in the lives.

What To Do About Commitment Progression?

It’s a matter of both you and your partner sitting down quietly and determining that you want to have an honest and open conversation about where you both (as individuals) wish to go as well as a couple.

I’d also suggest you put pen to paper and list both individual goals as well as your discussion about how these can be transformed into ‘couple goals’.

This exercise is not about both walking apart or one dominating the other.

In fact, it is about walking your lives together and discovering the right level of compromise, from discussion and agreements.

 

2. Why Do You Love Me?

Love and lust are normally intertwined when a relationship first starts.

It’s usually about mutual and physical attraction.

But true love requires other factors, to be sustainable.

Don't let this stupid situation happen. Plan and Enjoy

Don't let this stupid situation happen. Plan and Enjoy

But what are they?

Sorry to disappoint here but they different for all couples.

So the question remains why does your partner love you and why do you love your partner.

What’s important though is knowing.

Yes, actually knowing and understanding why your potential soulmate loves you!

What is interesting is that love changes.

It morphs into something far more spiritual than the initial physical attraction.

We’re all influenced by our environment and the actions that we experience as life continues.

Life changes and so does the fabric of love.

The natural progression of ‘soulmate love’ is the path you both want to travel.

From this, both people involved need to intimately understand the changes and challenges that each other faces as well as our individual outlooks, as to what love means to ourselves.

Once we continue with that discussion, we are both equipped with a myriad of conversation opportunities to deeper explore where your ‘couple love path’ is evolving too.

What To Do Next?

Discussing the area of love is likely to be one of the most challenging topics that you’ll likely face.

The reason is it’s really spoken about, openly. Even between committed lovers.

Weird, huh?

We tend to keep these thoughts secret.

Not that we don’t want to tell our partners but because we find it difficult to express in words.

But it is the actual words and the conveying of our feelings that is likely to bring you both closer together.

With this in mind, I strongly suggest that you make this topic a regular conversation piece between the both of you.

 

3. Where Are We Going?

You might be surprised to know that the majority of couples are clueless as to where the destination is going.

The main reason is simply a lack of communication and goal setting.

Get real or be left behind

Get real or be left behind

Unless you actively engaged with your partner to determine your own goals and aspirations as well as where and what you want to achieve in your relationship as a couple together?

You’ll get nowhere in life.
And goals change as life continues.

And an example?

When you first start out, your focus might simply be on fun and travel which is fine because these experiences tend to bring you together, initially.

As life changes and as goals become more serious; financial commitments start to firm up; and you want to start building your life foundation then your relationship goes through yet another metamorphosis.

When these changes happen. you need to start an actual planning regime.

Unless you’re constantly talking about this with your partner, again, you’re very likely to see your paths starting to diversify and split into tangents that aren’t congruent with your partner.

What Do You Need To Do?

It’s all about active and consistent and constant goal-setting and communication between both of you.

Don’t simply think that your partner knows what is going on in your head.

As we’ve said before, if you really do think your partner can read minds then you’re certainly in need of serious human behavioural readjustments.

Goal setting, on paper or in whatever way it works (whether it’s a mind map or a constantly updated list) needs to be part of your relationship regime.

 

So What’s The Wrap Up Here?

I’m sure you picked this up.

Communication, trust, openness and honesty, with agenda admissions (to the one that you love and trust) are the foundational building blocks for relationship sustainability.

If you are unable to openly share these aspects with another human being; especially the one that you would love to be your life’s soulmate, then you simply do not understand or appreciate the magic that true love can bring.

Put these three areas into affirmative action and be prepared to be propelled to a new level of existence, in love.

 

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Enjoying newly found freedoms, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
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Martin – who has written posts on GeekandJock.