Dating: Are There Hidden Patterns?

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  • Profile photo of Domonique PowellDomonique Powell
    Participant
    Post count: 7
    #26099 |

    wow, I know that this is old post but the last remark makes so much sense on my relationship patterns.

    “Men need to learn the woman way and women need to also understand and accept the sex is a love-extension for men. More sex for men means, ultimately, more romance and committment to the woman.”

    Thank you for that. I am a regular hit and quit victim. I have been known to be a real sweetie to everyone and I think most guys expect something else coming in. Obviously, based on reading the above, those guys were not looking for or open to anything other than sex. So, when I see them start to drop their guard, realize that there is a woman attached to that va jay jay, and get comfortable talking about their feelings (all this happens rather quickly mind you just because I am a naturally easy going person) then poof! Either never to be heard from again or calling months later with tales of how they made a mistake.

    Which both results has made me a lil pensive about sex altogether. I enjoy sex very much, but I am afraid that after the second dose they will leave like most of the rest. And I hate getting into someone sexually only to be left hanging wanting more. bummer! They never even ask me if I want a relationship because most of the time I don't. That's the funny part. I really just want a companion or to date in it's true essence. The best explanation I have gotten from guy friends in the past is that I got that whip tendency and a man who is on a mission to “get it in” will run every time…hahaha

    Great post!

  • Profile photo of MartinMartin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    Sounds to me, Domonique, that you have well established and ingrained patterns.
    If you keep doing the same hing then always expect the same result!

    All guys are different but the real issue with a lot of women is the define every one based on their own history and never ‘allow' a guy to fully open up, be trusted, be honest and give of himself. Before that usually happens, he gets kicked in the teeth by being treated like some past partner. You see where I'm going with this?

    Make just one conscious change in your dating behaviour and mix it up a little. Not all guys are bastards :)

  • Profile photo of Domonique PowellDomonique Powell
    Participant
    Post count: 7

    “Make just one conscious change in your dating behaviour and mix it up a little. Not all guys are bastards :)”

    Thanks for the advice. And I do believe that learned behaviors can subconsciously be repeated thus get the same result. I guess I need to figure out how I am contributing the problem.

    • Profile photo of MartinMartin
      Keymaster
      Post count: 250

      If you keep doing the same thing, you DO KNOW you are always going to get the same result?
      You know that, don't you?

  • Profile photo of Domonique PowellDomonique Powell
    Participant
    Post count: 7

    Update:
    Well, it has been a few weeks on the dating scene trying a new approach and new attitude. The results so far are that I seem to be more approachable by different types of men because I now have a variety suitors. Also, I have been able to carry on enjoyable conversation without sex repeatedly being the main topic. But no dice so far. I have guys telling me that they are interested and blowing up my phone but I can't seem to get them out the house or away from work long enough to actually “date” me.

    I have also been wondering why some of them feel like a few convos deem them worthy of receiving nudey pics even when we have never spent any face time together…lol and what's with grown men wanting to text all the time? dial the damn number! lol Oh well, still no sex for me. Been waiting over 8 mths now and will continue holding out for a real connection.

    • Profile photo of MartinMartin
      Keymaster
      Post count: 250

      Hey Dominique.
      I split this discussion to a different Topic since it had moved away from ‘Why Do Men Like To Fuck' :)

      OK, well, being more approachable is a GOOD thing! So congrats on making some changes.

      Have you asked these guys that are too busy as to why they are?
      Take the step to ask the questions that you wish you could and just do it. What harm is it going to do?

      You'll either scare them away (so you know they aren't your type anyway) or they might actually tell you why so you then know how best to handle the situation.

      Nudey pics from you or you getting them from them? The former might be just some titillation for their benefit. Men are visual, you know.

      Texting all the time is what a lot of women like to do. If you don't, YOU pick up the damn phone and tell them.

  • Profile photo of Domonique PowellDomonique Powell
    Participant
    Post count: 7

    “Texting all the time is what a lot of women like to do. If you don’t, YOU pick up the damn phone and tell them.

    LOL…I would love to but they have to answer it first and talk more than 2 minutes. I call ..they dont answer but then text for an hour. I dont get it. But whatever the reasons I just figure they are hiding something or they are just not that into me. Either way it's a sign for me to move on. I mean I don't even know them so I dont feel compelled or care enough to ask them why. One thing I have learned is that men open up when they are ready and asking a lot personal questions too soon runs them off.

    • Profile photo of MartinMartin
      Keymaster
      Post count: 250

      All guys are different in their reactions. Same for ladies.
      If they don't bother answering or have the decency of calling back, by voice, then move on like you say, Dominique.
      It might be healthy for your own thinking to persue one or two to gain an explaination on why the types of guys you are currently attracting have this behaviour.
      Might be a sign for you.

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