Do I have a sociopath wife as well?

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  • Jarred
    Post count: 3
    #24294 |

    I've been reading your exploits here, over the past few days and as another Aussie from Darwin, I felt some kinship to how you approach things. Great work here, mate.

    I was first reading how you divorced your first wife and then met your sweetheart Pam on Facebook. Loved that whole thing and then I was reading it all went slowly downhill in over the past while. I read your reevaluating post which started my brainbox working and then onto your sociopath article only a few days ago. Oh boy, I think I know what's going on now with my wife as well.

    Can I ask your opinion on a few things because stuff here has been steadily going south almost after we married and nothing I try seems to make any difference to the way she views me or getting our problems sorted out.

    – You mention a sociopath feels no real love. Are there any signs to look for that this might be the case with me?
    – and then a sociopath is all about themselves and I don't play any part in their life. What do you mean by that, exactly?

    I've got other questions but that's a good start. Appreciate your answers when you're able, Martin. And Merry Xmas too

  • Martin
    Post count: 250

    Hey there Jarred. Thanks so much for being a member, taking a look around and asking a question.

    Pam and I started in a magical way back in 2009. At least I thought so. I was the happiest I've felt in my life. Things change when you don't really know another person's motives.

    On to your questions though.

    Video Thumbnail

    The Signs of a Lack of Real Love might be a Sociopath
    To start with, we all view love differently to another. Just because your partner expresses love different to you, doesn't mean they're a sociopath. What is telling is when you're continually kept at arms length in everything that happens inside your relationship and there's no effort from them to fix what should be a sharing environment.

    Real love between 2 people is magical and there's an enormous amount of interplay, helping each other and constructing a life of two people inside one relationship. A sociopath inherently is self-absorbed with only her own agenda taking front of mind.

    Look for signs of them preferring to advertise themselves as an individual, not including you in her friends activity (that's an isolation tactic), when you ask for her help then she offers up only a token effort (real relationships have your partner only too willing to take time out for you)

    You Don't Play a Role In a Sociopath's Life
    As I said in my blog post, a sociopath is self-absorbed, feels no remorse or sorrow and feel no shame.
    In your situation, Jarred, take yourself back when you first met her. There would have been a number of reasons why you were attracted to her and her to you. Unfortunately, if she is a sociopath, you won't really know ‘her' reasons but it's likely she saw opportunity to further whatever her agendas were. They probably changed which is why you're seeing a dramatic shift as she's refocussed …. without you.

    ** Does she (or has she ever) sat down with you, as normal couples do, and worked out to set goals for where you're heading?
    ** Does she take an active interest in who you are, what you do and what you'd like to achieve together?

    That's just 2 starter questions to ask yourself. If she is a sociopath, that might be all you need to ask as they're normal couple activities but you're unlikely to find a sociopath doing them.

    Come back with anything else as we're more than happy to help.

  • Jarred
    Post count: 3

    oh crap
    i wish you hadn't asked those questions. i suppose that's what made me first starting to look around for some information on all this rubbish that i'm finding myself in at the moment. feels like i'm living a life with a woman who treats me like a frigging doormat and is ok doing it. so no and no are the answers.

    as much as i try, it doesnt feel to me like i am factoring into her real life in much of any way. when i want to talk about one thing in particular and some resolution, the topic seems to move to something entirely different and we get nowhere. like steering or avoiding me and her away. a nightmare situation.

    is that something sociopaths tend to do as well?

    • Bella
      Post count: 23

      So very sorry to hear about this Jarred.
      I was talking about this with my boyfriend over Xmas drinks and you'd be really surprised just how many people in so society are actually sociopaths. Not in the order of Charles Manson but they are totally self absorbed with sole focus on their own outcome. Scary.
      Eric and I sat down and went through the people we know who show signs of sociopathy. We came up with 3, including an ex-boss. All of them have failed relationships except one and their partner sounds to me like they are just submissive but I can see the cracks.
      It must be simply heartbreaking to live with a person that can be so callous and unfeeling. No one truly knows another til you share their bed.

      • Martin
        Post count: 250

        Ha great minds Bella.
        I was having drinks with a mate last friday and the conversation turned to the very same topic. In the circle of people that we both knew, a similar number was discovered. There's a vast difference between a truly giving person as opposed to a superficial one and looking at their past actions. Puts a highlight on things and the cracks start showing through. Interestingly, a sociopath can even deceive professional doctors due to their skill – what hope does an ordinary person have against this level of lie?

    • Martin
      Post count: 250

      mate, that's exactly what sociopaths do. To be blunt, you are meaningless in their lives and they'll chew you up and spit you out as they march onto their goals and agendas.
      Ping on over and register for an upcoming eBook I'm putting together on all this – I've been astounded by the amount of attention this entire sociopath thing has been getting so it's a great idea to pool resources and get the info out into the hands of people being affected.
      I'd also love more info from you so go check the new Sociopath eBook

      • Jarred
        Post count: 3

        Thanks Martin – I've registered my interest as well as sent you an email.
        I can't comprehend how a person can do this, I really can't. It's an ongoing proof of evidence for me and has been for such a long time. Why is it like this?

        • Martin
          Post count: 250

          I honestly can't say what's going on in someone else's head. It was the most heartbreaking time of my life, having to walk away from a person I've loved so deeply and cared for with every part of my being. I tried everything I was able to think of to bring us back together in the way I thought we came together in the beginnning.

          It was a wall of resistance and boarded on loathing that I sought counsel from friends and relatives in a last ditch effort to find ourselves a solution. That all said, I discovered after I left that she been planning on ditching me, after only 3 months of marriage – that made me sick for weeks afterwards.
          And I still love her even now. I must need my head worked on :)

          Let's work on this together once I get your email though – maybe it will do us both some good, huh?

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