Trusting Men

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  • Bella
    Member
    Post count: 23
    #23930 |

    My girlfriends and I were huddled over quite a lot of vodkas the other night and the talk turned to men. As it usually does lol
    I found it very amusing and very concerning that most of my friends had the knife in for men in general and even for mistrusting their husbands and boyfriends.

    For the other gals here as well as the male side of things, why do women mistrust men so much. Or it seems to me that they do.
    Thoughts everyone?????

  • Yvonne
    Member
    Post count: 42

    Some women (self included) go through relationships that are not healthy or end on a bad note. Climbing up from that big a fall is not always fun or up lifting. I believe Martin mentioned in one of his comments in my last posts some people in general have a hard time of letting go. Letting go of pain, hurt, issues, baggage in general. So after every relationship that baggage adds up. If the cause of someones insecurities or lack of self worth or appreciation is constantly men well they end up not being able to trust them . They will constantly live in wonder, fear, and discontent. Plus in general we sometimes generalize (we all do that both men and women). I think after sometime bad happens you kind of expect that the next time around it will probably happen again.

    • Bella
      Member
      Post count: 23

      I find it troubling that one gender can have so much mistrust for the other gender, I think is what I'm trying to unravel in my blandishments head lol, Yvonne.
      It's taking generalization to the max and doesn't make any sense to me. You saying it's because a lot of gals can't accept that the next guy they meet is different to the last one?

  • Yvonne
    Member
    Post count: 42

    Sometimes yea it is because they can't move past the hurt or whate ever experience happened to them. It is sad but it does happen . It's never good to generalize considering we share an enormous amount of space and time with them we should be able to trust them as lovers and friends.

    • Bella
      Member
      Post count: 23

      Yes! Do your girlfriends tend to be this way too?

  • Yvonne
    Member
    Post count: 42

    Some are others are the cheaters ( so they can't really judge). The ones that are not trusting of men have big time issues when they are in relationships.

    • Bella
      Member
      Post count: 23

      Oh my goodness, did you just say that some of your friends are cheating on their men? oh dear me, yes, that's sad for them and their guys.
      i've had my share of bad experiences too but i don't (well i try not to) blame all of menkind. theres good and bad men and women as you said Yvonne. how do you get to the point of letting go of the baggage and go with that divine flow?

  • Yvonne
    Member
    Post count: 42

    I am still currently trying to get to that divine flow and let go of the past baggage. I am not sure about other women but for myself my past relationship left me feeling like my ex was better than me in every way and that I lost something good. After much reflection i realized that there were things about him I could never live with and things that we're not healthy and I spent most of the relationship not trusting him and feeling like less than him. For me insecurity is a two way street . Many people blame the insecure individual but what got them there and what about their partner isn't taking them away from that. For me I was insecure because I was constantly being lied to and when I would mention something about it Inwould get “well if you don't like it leave and try to find better” I made excuses for his behavior as many women did and I would look only at his positive and not his negative.

    Dropping baggage like that or worse baggage such as physical abuse is hard. I had A friend who stayed in an abusive relationship for 6 years simply out of fear that if she left she would not be able to make it on her own. After she finally escaped the situation when she met the right guy she was hard to trust constantly in fear that he too would hurt her in the same way until he left her. After not being together for a year when they met again she realized why he left they decided to give it another go and things worked she was no longer afraid that he was the same person or that every man is capable of punching around their girlfriends.

    I think the best y to get over tha baggage is realize you have one to begin with . I tried to find closure with ex no such luck. So then you have to look for it for yourself. But many women are stuck especially if they have been hurt the same way more than once.

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