Does career matter in relationships and when looking towards possible future?

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  • Profile photo of YvonneYvonne
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    Post count: 42
    #23435 |

    On multiple occasions I have heard guys say that they what their girlfriend/wife do for career or work doesn't really matter because they expect to be the main financial giver.
    but what about us women? Recently I started dating someone after a little me time after a hard breakup ( you can view details in the relationship section of the site ) I am trying to get through some things and forget about the old relationship while embracing the new. My current flaws are that I keep comparing mr. Air hockey (new bf) to the ex. I am sill in school perusing a career in biology and nursing. My ex was a bio teacher but nonetheless even though we studied similar things we did not have much in common on our career fronts. Mr. Air hockey is pursing substance abuse counseling as a career but at the moment he is doing electrician and being in a union to train for this and some other engineering things. I'm not sure why I thought about it possibly 6 times and wondered hmm is that a good career , how much. Would he be making, what would we talk about it reference to jobs?
    I asked a couple friends and I got two similar thoughts to mine and some responses I wasn't expecting .
    Jessica : I don't care so long as they have at least a BA degree . And are doing something that makes over 30k

    Evelyn: don't care , just as long as they would be able to support themselves possible children in the far future and the house hold along with my help… They could be a garbage man for all I care I believe they make a decent amount.

    Carmen: minimum 45-52 k like a teacher salary or something so that we could live somewhat decent .

    Magda : career and job doesn't matter as long as they can hold their own and are enjoying what they are doing.

    Liz: 60k I want a house and a guy who could take on majority of financial care. While I go to med school.

    For myself I don't know I want my partner to be ahoy with what they are doing, safe, and be able to have stability financially and job wise. I use to say I wouldn't care but now I wonder and with my compare and contrast issues I'm not sure if I am just trying to find something negative in my Mr. Air hockey . I know I wouldn't want there to be a limit with me which is why I am on the fence on this one.

    What are you thought fellow females? Even males ( do you care ) ? If your gay do you care what your partner does too ?

  • Profile photo of BellaBella
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    Post count: 23

    lol Yvonne. some of your friends have some funny ideas about what they want in life lol
    i've had a few boyfriends and in a great one at the moment and i think he's the keeper. he lost his job soon after we both moved in together and the eyeopener wasn't so much how much he made but how we both put our heads together and got our plan working. that's the real security!
    we had 2 people working as 1 and he got work pretty soon so our financials are back on track and we are back on track.
    it isn't about the money and what he does. well not for us anyway. it's the teamwork, the planning, the togetherness and getting where you both want to go and doing it together that is now really important for me/us.
    hope some of that made some sense lol
    go invite those friends in here to join in the chat cause i'd love to know more of what they think!

    • Profile photo of MartinMartin
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      Wow, well said Bella. Impressive

  • Profile photo of MartinMartin
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    Is an interesting topic, Yvonne.
    Why do we come together with a person? If it's for money then you're doing it wrong, aren't you?
    And if you get together with someone who is wealthy and then they lose the wealth, does that then mean you'll split up because that then means you're doing it wrong too.

    You come together and fall in love which has nothing to do with money. And if you have focus on the mighty dollar as a core part of a relationship, then be prepared for being in love for all the wrong reasons.

  • Profile photo of YvonneYvonne
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    Post count: 42

    I understand where both of you are coming from. I am not saying I do fall for money because like you said martin that would be wrong, Very wrong. I am just saying that one of the comparisons I was doing between ex and Mr. Air hockey. I thought about it some more after I read Bella's response and she is right how you come together during times of financial low is what counts and shows how strong the bond between two partners is I just started dating Mr. Air hockey, so far everything I am getting to know I like. Money has never really been a deal maker or breaker for me but I am sure in the future as for anyone you would like to know that a a couple both partners can create stability for the home together and if one or the other ever have the unfortunate experience of being unemployed .

    • Profile photo of MartinMartin
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      Comparisons are out too but you already know that. What is in the past should remain there.
      Mr AR sounds like he's shaping up to be a keeper, huh?
      When you've got the same views on planning and relationship foundations, you know you both are heading in the right direction. Financial planning is just a subset of it all. Important but still a subset, that has absolutely nothing to do with love, at all.

  • Profile photo of YvonneYvonne
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    Post count: 42

    Comparisons are out too but you already know that. What is in the past should remain there.
    Mr AR sounds like he's shaping up to be a keeper, huh?
    When you've got the same views on planning and relationship foundations, you know you both are heading in the right direction. Financial planning is just a subset of it all. Important but still a subset, that has absolutely nothing to do with love, at all.

  • Profile photo of MartinMartin
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    Post count: 250

    Yvonne, we all have a responsibly in everything we do and with very one we are a part of. You know yourself that I have just been through all that with Pam – not that she ever admitted to responsibility for any of her actions.
    That said, it's the past, isn't it? Comparisons with someone else is just plain unfair to Mr AH as well as yourself. Take a breather because you're starting again and with the knowledge you've grown and willing to learn (and have learnt too).

  • Profile photo of YvonneYvonne
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    Post count: 42

    true

  • Profile photo of NickyNicky
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    I love real questions like these, Yvonne.
    There is a reason why there's a saying like ‘Money is the root of all evil'. Your girlfriends do have things a little offbase like Bella is saying.
    If the love isn't there and tying things together, money will not become any kind of glue

    • Profile photo of BellaBella
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      Post count: 23

      Nicely put Nicky

    • Profile photo of MartinMartin
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      Post count: 250

      Yep, money should be never be placed above true love but it often does. People become clouded by money's false power and meaning to life.
      How do you see love being better than money?

  • Profile photo of YvonneYvonne
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    Post count: 42

    “How do you see love being better than money?”
    Well money comes and goes but love usually if its really there stays

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