Sex and Eventual Boredom

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  • Profile photo of MitchMitch
    Member
    Post count: 16
    #2344 |

    It took a bit of courage to actually post this one but I think it happens a lot, since speaking to a few of my sailing buddies – it's one of their biggest sex relationship questions actually.

    why are women suddenly lacking in the sex area when it comes to a lasting relationship?So I’d love some feedback cause I look at the behaviour I’m about to describe as really bizarre and sometimes plain weird.

    Women, Sexual Boredom and They're Over It

    I’ve been through a number of healthy as well as unhealthy relationships and most of them end up as a serious sexual relationship where we move in together.

    The love making starts off with wonderful variety and frequency.

    I got the feeling in all cases that there was a mutual love for both sex, lovemaking and the pleasure it brought to us both. And then it turns just completely different. Lovemaking often comes after watching the favourite television shows, never with any spontaneity so it’s ‘lights off’ late at night and we’re then into the same old boring routine of ‘I do this, she does that, we cum and off to sleep’. My goodness, what is going on here?

    Is it a woman thing or a man thing?

    It’s isn’t as if I’m only in it for a quick bang and off to sleep either. I’ve always been as sensitive to their needs as I’m able to think of. I’ve up on lots of stuff about how to make them happy and that’s as a woman as well as in the sack.

    That recent blog post I wrote about the 10 Ways To Get More Love making Going On was something I have always been actively mindful of. So what exactly turns a woman from a mutual love of satisfied sexual activity to a ho-hum passive bystander who is basically bored sexually?

    Tried talking about Love Making

    I’ve even tried to broach the subject on a number of occasions with all of them but they immediately go into a defensive poster and I become the villain for putting them down.

    Then there’s the subject of going anywhere near that the lovemaking is becoming boring. I’ve yet to find a gentle way of discussing that one. Love making seems to level out at the good old ‘missionary’ position with the obligatory (but ever so brief) foreplay. Talk about Steps 1, 2, 3 and 4.

    These are women I have some wonderful conversations with; on all manner of subjects but when it touches on sex and love making and what I’d think of as a mutually fair and giving experience, well, I seem to be in a taboo area that seems to be laden with only minefields, no matter where you want to step.

    My sailing buddies, whether they have girlfriends or wives, all tell the same tale of woe too. It’s that well known Urban Legend ringing true, isn’t it?

    Women give up on an ongoing and vital sex life with their partners once a relationship is established.

    Why is this the case? Are they unable to factor in their partners’ needs and desire for them.

    This reminds me of the site post about Top Reasons Why Partners Cheat too. Isolating your partner from a fulfilling and mutual sexual relationship basically leaves a big void – and guess what could likely happen next? Do women thing of this stuff or is a relationship just all ‘Curds and Whey’?

    Would be great to get some different points of view on this thorny subject so go right ahead and leave me some feedback.

     

  • Profile photo of GaryGary
    Member
    Post count: 20

    Maybe this sort of stuff is about being more relaxed in a relationship than they really should be? You know, being really comfortable in the company of their partner and then forgetting some of the important stuff like mutually satisfactory sexual relations?

    It's certainly happened to me too so you're definitely not alone, Mitch.

    I don't have the ultimate solution for you either. I know you've tried to talk it over with your partners and I equally know women (all the ones I've ever met anyway) are really really reluctant to approach the subject of sex. Why they don't when it's such an important aspect of living in a real world is beyond me. Perhaps it's society's fault that women should be submissive – who the hell wants one of those anyway?

  • Profile photo of MartinMartin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    Hey guys,

    I was just alerted to this post since we're busy here with some ‘behind the scenes' surprises. And this was by a woman reader who I've spoken about before – the wonderful Tetka Rhu.

    So very shortly, I'll have some more information on what both women and men can do with this sort of situation and that will be done in a few ways. Firstly, Tetka is sending me some printed info that I'll share and secondly, we'll be preparing some verbal affirmation sort of information. That last one takes a little while to prepare so please do watch out for it when it arrives.

    More to come real soon.

  • Profile photo of AnonymousUserAnonymousUser
    Participant
    Post count: 19

    Life gets stale when we repeat the same process. Think of how you feel when you meet a new attractive person, that spark, that energy – it gets your blood pumping. Once we settle in to a routine, it is hard to combat boredom. That's why I recommend non-routine!!

    Make time to go out on weekly dates. Make sure you're exercising too – that always increases libido. Sex should never be expected. It should have an excitement about it, and anyone (male or female) can help generate those sparks again. Men start bringing home little presents or do the dishes without being asked! The reason dates are important is because when you're out as a couple away from distractions it makes you feel blessed to have that person in your life. Bedroom activities should change too. Women could put on something sexy. Play some new music. Light some candles. Make it an event. Don't be lazy about making time and creating an atmosphere. It's time for both of you. With everyone's busy lives, that is hard to put time and effort into this, but it is very important to show your partner that you care about them. Enjoy the experiment!

    Tina
    tweet @yoniyama
    http://www.yoursoulgoal.com

  • Profile photo of AnonymousUserAnonymousUser
    Participant
    Post count: 19

    Throw all TV's in the Attic! The telly is a wasted medium, and can only lead to one thing: non-passion! Instead?

    Watch a gr8 movie; cook a meal together; always light the candles; always have some incense burning on the stove; always engage in conversation!

    But!!! Always have “individual time”; where u each read, or whatever u care to do individually. Always have Together time after Individual Time; there will be a sense of anticipation & great build-up! In other words, use your soulful imagination that the TV mutes! Have fun with this!

    The Soul remembers what the mind is willing to let itself forget….in this case? Passion through Imagination! Hope this helps. Until next time we meet; Unplug that TV! Eric Halsey

    P.S. Notice I never mentioned the word “Music”….? It because you create your own music! ;- )

  • Profile photo of MartinMartin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    Whoah – Eric gets in amongst it and comments – wow, mate – thank you so much in contributing to this very common challenge in relationships.

    And great advice that solves many issues with a partnership. There's never such a thing as a crap comment, just your point of view which will resonate with someone out there and that's the point. If you have heart, you'll affect someone else's life for the better.

    Individual time is very important and one that's often forgotten. Thanks for the comment, my friend.

  • Profile photo of AnonymousUserAnonymousUser
    Participant
    Post count: 19

    As a woman, what you are saying is pretty much the same for us, things get old and stale and we don't know what to do about it either. As for talking about it, it is very uncomfortable, feelings of blame and extreme vunerability come in there regardless of what's being said.

  • Profile photo of MartinMartin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    First up, thank you so very much for giving the woman's side of things since it gives a great balance perspective.

    For me, the crucial point here is you also feel very uncomfortable in talking about the subject which is what Mitch was saying. It's funny really when you think that both genders are really after the same result and that's a great sexual relationship in conjunction with a great personal relationship.

    From my point of view, it's still a communication challenge where possibly the ‘way' it's brought up with conversation is getting misunderstood. So what would be the better way for a male to approach a woman regarding mutual sexual satisfaction? (or visa versa, for that matter)

  • Profile photo of MitchMitch
    Member
    Post count: 16

    Hey, thanks for your woman's viewpoint.

    As I said, I've tried a number of different approaches in trying to find the reason why sex becomes a chore or less exciting than it once was when the relationship was young but, as you say, my partners always take the defensive posture and, like you, become uncomfortable in talking about the topic.

    So please do tell me your opinion on the best way you'd like to be approached to discuss this. It isn't blame thing either. I want to partnership to continue to be just as vital as it was when we started. No blame at all. So what's your answer?

  • Profile photo of Mike AndrewsMike Andrews
    Participant
    Post count: 2

    Hi well I'm probably going to be a bit controversial here but sex is like anything else – if you do the same things all the time how can you expect it won't get boring. There are loads of new and fun sexy things you can do together as a couple. But the key is to make them sexual (sharing doing the dishes is a start….). And expand your boundaries, get out of your comfort zone – that's where the excitement is. Honestly, this is what couples with great relationships do.

  • Profile photo of MartinMartin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    Welcome Mike and your controversy too :)

    Your short snippet simply begs for a guest post, if you ask me.

    That said, how about you share a little more around some examples to give the audience a taste of exactly what you mean?

    I'm a little unsure about the dishes reference and I'm sure our readers would get value with a bit more understanding about your views on ‘boundaries and comfort zone'. Care to Share more?

  • Profile photo of Mike AndrewsMike Andrews
    Participant
    Post count: 2

    If you have a relationship based on very deep communication, trust, playfulness and love – where you truly put each other and your relationship first – then there is no end to the new sexual things you can try. Because the jealousy issue – which many people are afraid of once they expand their horizons to involve other people – just doesn't arise.
    I'll leave the rest to your imagination……

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