Is It a Break-Up Or a Make-Up?

As much as I try to make things as smooth and as a healthy relationship as I'd hope them to be, I make mistakes – there's no such thing as a relationships expert.

It's all in the trying and the doing.

When things get really tough, it can be a break-up or a make-up situation.

Yesterday, I said some things I shouldn't have to my partner.

They were said in utter frustration from my point of view – in the heat of the moment.

And I knew as soon as I said it, it was wrong and regrettable.

Things got a little worse before they got better too. The takeaway for me was a number of things that, hopefully, might help you.

 

Understanding In A Relationship

never consider it a breakup moment

Breakups are caused by a lack of understanding
….and acceptance. Think again

When you look at the dynamics of a so-called ‘healthy relationship', it obviously involves two people.

And they always view the world through their own rose coloured glasses.

That is to say, their view of the world (including you) is always influenced by their own historical environment.

That history will be flavoured by a past relationship breakup, (potentially) relationship counseling, maybe marriage problems as well as even how they were brought up by their Mum and Dad, from a morals point of view.

What am I saying with all this? Well, your perception of one event will be different to your partner simply as their understanding and subsequent judgement will be different.

I'm as guilty as the next guy / gal for failing to give a better level of understanding to my partner.

The result was something that took me by surprise as well as plunging us both into an unnecessary argument.

That's relationship tip #1

 

The Relationship Guide To The Small Stuff

What's the relationship guide?

‘Don't sweat the small stuff', in a nutshell.

Let's take a look on the holistic level.

You're in a loving partnership, with someone you totally admire, respect and trust. A break-up shouldn't enter your mind, should it?

Those are lofty claims, aren't they?

Yet, typically, this person you'd trust with your life is thrust into a protracted and negative situation due to something as innocuous as leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to wash up a few dishes.

Is this making any sense yet?

These insignificant events will be typically influenced by our own blocks, barriers and history.

Something like the toilet seat being left up will be oblivious to your partner – since they will likely see it from ‘their view of the world' as trivial and, probably, also irrelevant.

So in a healthy and vital relationship, wouldn't the better course of action be to move to a sphere of acceptance?

If you need some further detail to get you to acceptance, then open your mouth and talk to your partner.

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Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships

One of the most challenging mindsets for me, is simply the knowing that arguing is in fact a normal component of a healthy relationship.

Within the actual argument situation, that knowingness goes out the window and frustration and other negative energy unfortunately creeps in.

The healthy marriage needs that knowingness.

This is a personal education task.

I'm always looking inside myself for improvement.

  • Analysing.
  • Personal growth.
  • Self improvement.
  • Becoming a better man, a better husband, a better friend and partner.

Sometimes I fall over.

I see the important part being where I want to be and who I want there with me, sharing my life.

 

Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion

Nice to see you made it to the end of the post. Here’s what you can do next:

  • What’s one thing you've learnt about arguing?
  • Do you have your own experience where it's been a good thing?
  • Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then enjoy this article too.

And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

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Enjoying newly found freedoms, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let's start there, OK?

Martin – who has written posts on GeekandJock.