The Stress of Lovemaking Isn’t Good
For better or worse, sex is an important part of every relationship.
It’s not just the way you show your love to each other – it’s a stress coping tool, and intimacy tool, and a way to make sure that the two of you continue to reinforce your desire and attraction as you grow as a couple.
Unfortunately, because sex is so important, the act itself can put a lot of pressure on you as a couple.
Sex stress is known to cause:
- Performance Problems
- Both men and women have trouble reaching climax or reaching climax too early (usually men) because of their stress over their lovemaking.
- Confusion and Awkwardness
- Awkwardness in the bedroom can cause confidence issues and frustration that may affect you both as a couple.
- Lack of Interest
- Those that are worried about sex stress may have less interest in engaging in the act as a way to avoid the stress.
There is some good news, however – for couples willing to work on their lovemaking, sex always gets better with time. That’s because sex is at its best when the two of you are relaxed as a couple.
Early in relationships, both of you are trying to think about what you can do to make the other person happy while still satisfying your own needs, and that level of thought takes away from the sexual experience.
Over time, the sex will be better.
But for the sex to become better, you need to be willing to work on your sex stress as a couple. For couples worried about how to make their lovemaking more magical, here are several tips for improving your sex life and reducing your sex stress.
Tips for Improving Lovemaking and Reducing Stress
Try New Things
Easily the most important thing to do is try different positions and experiences often.
Why?
Because it ensures that you’re not focused on whether or not one specific thing is getting better, but rather focusing on what’s better or worse for you as a couple.
Most people recommend different positions to make sex more exciting, but in this case the different positions are there to make sure that you’re understanding what your partner is responding to best.
Don’t Take All Sex Seriously
Early in your sex life, there is a tendency to try to make each sexual encounter a romantic adventure. But that can put a lot of pressure on you to perform, which in turn increases stress.
Instead, only make it romantic once in a while (to keep up the spark) and in the interim, make it something you do for fun.
Make jokes, talk about things unrelated to sex – the key is to find yourself more relaxed around your partner when you’re engaging in some type of sexual relations, and the less seriously you take sex, the easier it will be to feel that relaxation.
Talk Openly
Make sure you also talk about sex often.
Don’t let it be a taboo subject that you keep to yourself.
If you have something you like, share it.
If you find yourself nervous or unconfident in a given situation, tell your partner.
The more you talk about your sex life openly the less frightening a thing it will be.
Be Willing to Work on Specific Things
Let’s say your partner has a problem.
For example, the male partner gets too excited and nervous during sex and isn’t able to hold out long enough for the female partner’s satisfaction.
Let this be something that you work on as a couple with no expectations of making it a long, lusty sexual encounter.
Any time you or your partner feels that something makes them too stressed or nervous, work on it specifically in the bedroom, rather than turning each one into a tremendous event.
This will again relieve some of the pressure that you put on yourself with each encounter.
Work On Outside Stress
Finally, the more you control stress in other areas of your relationship and your life, the less you’ll be affected by stress during sex.
Stress has a cumulative effect.
If you’re more relaxed during your non-sex life, you’ll be more relaxed during your sex life as well.
Taking it Slow
Sex always improves over time as long as both you and your partner are willing to work at it, and eventually it will become this magical, amazing event every time you make love.
In the beginning, it’s important to just work on it as a couple, just as you are everything else in life.
Over time, you know what restaurants your partner likes just as you’ll know what positions are best for you and your partner.
Over To You
I know it’s been a long read and here’s what I want you to do next:
- Click one of the Share buttons so your friends can read this post too
- Have you ever encountered stress in your sexual relationship?
- What’s the easiest of the mentioned solutions would be easier for you to do, right now?
And thanks for reading too – Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
Ryan Rivera’s anxieties affected his sex life dramatically. It wasn’t until he was able to get anxiety help that he finally enjoyed lovemaking with his partner.
Ryan – who has written 3 posts on GeekandJock.
It’s really more about having an open mind. Being true to yourself, but at the same time being willing to explore new things and open to your partners desires. I am not saying you should do everything, but at least be will to have the conversation.
It’s the ‘open mind. part that tends to block people. They might think they have one but, unfortunately, don’t. It’s certainly the direction couples should head towards though – being open to suggestion and have the conversation, instead of immediate blocking. Conversation = Good.
The Secret to Successfull sex is simply being present for the other.
Eye gazing is sexy, and it a great way to get present, be present and be with your partner.
Everything else flows from there.
Communication is most efficient when you are present.
When you are present, you notice the feedback as to whether they like it or not.
Oh, by they way, sex is not limited to intercourse (which may last only a few minutes). Sex is the WHOLE experience.
I wonder how many people are already experiencing wholistic sex already?
Thanks so much for the visit and the interesting comment, Adrian – though Ryan’s post was more related to how stress impacts on lovemaking.
Though I do agree with you, in each partner’s immersion in the lovemaking session, in being ‘present’. For a lot of readers, that’s easier said than done when each partner can potentially bring their own set of baggage, history and bias into the sexual relationship. It’s usually a ‘work in progress’ and should be, for us all. Learning and discovering should never stop.
Wholistic Sex? Though I’d prefer to say ‘Wholistic Lovemaking’. If you’re refering to the Toa Methods and Teachings, it’s some pretty interesting and thought provoking stuff, isn’t it? Maybe you’d like to think about writing a Guest Post on what you know and have experienced in this area – I’m sure a great many men and women would be hugely interested.