This is a guest post by Tony Bonacci. If you want to guest post on this blog, check out the guidelines here.
Wanting To Prolong Pleasure Is a Human Thing
Wanting to last longer in bed is usually a guy thing.
This is probably not a surprise to you. We all the know that men and women experience sex in very different ways.
Let’s look at the four stages of sex and see how they are generally experienced differently by the two sexes.
Men and Women Are Different: The Four Stages of Sex
The four stages of sex are:
At the excitement stage (during foreplay), women usually need some time for the arousal to build up. It’s as if the sexual energy has to build up from within. For a woman, sexual excitement is like a fire. Sometimes it can start quickly, but most likely, it will take some time (and the right set up) to get it going.
On the other hand, the excitement can be really fast for a man, almost instant actually. For a man, sexual excitement starts with a visual image and can suddenly transfer to his genitals.
Needless to say that women need more time than men at the plateau stage in order to reach the orgasm.
That’s precisely the source of many frustrations for a large number of couples.
Actually, a man can go through the first three stages in a mater of a few minutes (if not seconds).
Most men can’t resume sex right after an ejaculation, they feel tired and their erection is gone. Men build up tension quickly and feel an urge to release that tension.
They usually have only one orgasm.
Of course, women are different.
Women can have multiple orgasms and a very short resolution period. They can keep on going and have orgasms after orgasms.
The Problem…and The Solution
If a couple wants to have longer sexual intercourse, it usually means the men has to control his ejaculation. Because all the pressure is on him, the man often have performance anxiety and he can feel guilt because he feel he’s letting his woman down.
But with practice, men can learn from women. What women have naturally, men can achieve by training and practice.
Like the title of this article suggest, the man doesn’t have to be alone in this. A couple can do this together in love and harmony (how beautiful is that). Both men and women can delay orgasm, in order to build up sexual tension.
Yes, you read that right!
I mean that even women can delay their orgasms. Why would she do that? First because the man will not be the only one trying to control his arousal, the pressure is not all on his shoulders and this will be a team thing like I said.
But also because for both partners, this delay and build up will mean a stronger, more intense orgasm later.
Sexual energy is a precious thing and you should cherish it, cultivate it. And women, can you imagine how the release of your sexual energy will feel if you force the build up process to be longer.
For men, of course, the fact of delaying your orgasm will give more time for your partner to enjoy sex. But you too should enjoy the process of building up your sexual energy without releasing it.
The Exercise (Making Love With a Purpose)
This exercise will seem pretty simple…and it is. But it’s also very powerful and transformative for couples.
You should make sure to set aside some quiet time with your lover for this. You don’t want to be in a rush. You should have at least 30 minutes but an hour and more is better.
Make foreplay last longer than usual. Make sure to go slow. Kiss, touch and caress each other a lot.
During the whole time, both of you should remember to stay relaxed, breath slowly and deeply and enjoy the moment. Stay present.
When The Time Is Right, Start Making Love.
When orgasm is close for one of you (but before it’s too late), stop, slow down or move to a less sensitive spot. This is true for both the man and the woman. The one on top can slow down or change the angle of penetration. This is also a good time to stop and change position.
During these times of pause, focus on your breathing and on making you arousal go down. When both partners are ready and when your arousal level is low enough, simply resume making love.
Communication is key here. You should come up with some kind of signal to tell your partner you need a break (because your arousal is too high). I suggest to simply whisper “ok, slow down”.
There are no set rules for this practice, it can last as long as you and your partner feel like. When the time feels right, let all the sexual energy you built up release.
Give this a try. When both lovers are building up their sexual energy for a long time, fireworks will happen!
What Do You Think?
Author Bio: Tony Bonacci has a site where he teaches men how to last longer in bed. You can learn more about Tony here.