• Ever gotten into trouble by speaking your mind?
  • What about just telling the truth, as you see it?

Before we move on, take 5 seconds and make a choice in the poll below and then we’ll get on with things.

Compliments - How Do You Give Them?

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We All Get In The Poo Sometimes

OK, the reason I was looking for how other people pay compliments to others was something that recently happened to me. (and you thought I was perfect, huh :)).

To put it simply, I called my wife, ‘sexy’.

Yep, sexy.

To put it into context, I also tell her she’s gorgeous and beautiful, on other occasions but, at the time and in my mind, she just looked so sexy so I told her so.

Now, to me, it was a spontaneous and instant compliment

Equally important, is the transparency of my thoughts and expression – I count that as highly important in a relationship.

 

So What’s The Issue Then?

To put it bluntly, my second wife Pam Allen eventually let me know she thinks being called sexy isn’t a compliment as she thinks it’s like a wolf whistle from a stranger.

And she’s been called sexy by street pedlars in South Africa so there’s a mental association there for her which is kinda crappy.

Wolf whistles and Cat Calls
I can understand how this must really affect women
And also set up some hidden barriers against true and honest compliments
Good to take this onboard and deal with it

I was a little taken aback thinking I was paying her a private compliment and one that I associated with a combination of good looking, gorgeous, beautiful and sensually attractive (to me).

Seems I can't take a trick these days with her. Compliments or personal gifts :) They all seem to get shoved away, time to try something else to make her pleased and happy.

 

Moral Of The Story

What you think you’re delivering isn’t necessarily what’s being received!

Now while I’ve taken this fragment of information onboard, I considered whether this might affect me still giving spontaneous compliments, since it might be likely to be received wrong.

But, you know what?

That isn’t my issue and the responsibility falls on the other.

Sure, I won’t be using ‘sexy’ again and now that’s filed away and removed from the ‘Compliment Bank’ :)

Good communication and the knowingness of both that they can drop some potentially hurtful dialogue on you, is vital.

The chat might get a little heated, it’s likely to invoke some great insights and reveal some history you didn’t know before.

Being yourself can sometimes be a challenge and a battle
Communicate, acceptance and understanding will lead your relationship to a higher level

 

Keep Doing It

  • Keep complimenting each other.
  • Take on feedback.
  • Stay positive
  • Use the opportunity for more relationship discovery
  • And have fun

 

Had This Yourself?

So how about you? Ever fallen foul of a compliment?

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Enjoying newly found freedoms, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let's start there, OK?

Martin – who has written posts on GeekandJock.