- Ever gotten into trouble by speaking your mind?
- What about just telling the truth, as you see it?
Before we move on, take 5 seconds and make a choice in the poll below and then we’ll get on with things.
Loading ...We All Get In The Poo Sometimes
OK, the reason I was looking for how other people pay compliments to others was something that recently happened to me. (and you thought I was perfect, huh :)).
To put it simply, I called my wife, ‘sexy’.
Yep, sexy.
To put it into context, I also tell her she’s gorgeous and beautiful, on other occasions but, at the time and in my mind, she just looked so sexy so I told her so.
Equally important, is the transparency of my thoughts and expression – I count that as highly important in a relationship.
So What’s The Issue Then?
To put it bluntly, Pam eventually let me know she thinks being called sexy isn’t a compliment as she thinks it’s like a wolf whistle from a stranger.
And she’s been called sexy by street pedlars in South Africa so there’s a mental association there for her which is kinda crappy.
Wolf whistles and Cat Calls
I can understand how this must really affect women
And also set up some hidden barriers against true and honest compliments
Good to take this onboard and deal with it
I was a little taken aback thinking I was paying her a private (and unrehearsed) compliment and one that I associated with a combination of good looking, gorgeous, beautiful and sensually attractive (to me).
Moral Of The Story
Now while I’ve taken this fragment of information onboard, I considered whether this might affect me still giving spontaneous compliments, since it might be likely to be received wrong.
But, you know what?
That isn’t my issue and the responsibility falls on the other.
Sure, I won’t be using ‘sexy’ again and now that’s filed away and removed from the ‘Compliment Bank’ :)
Good communication and the knowingness of both that they can drop some potentially hurtful dialogue on you, is vital.
The chat might get a little heated, it’s likely to invoke some great insights and reveal some history you didn’t know before.
Being yourself can sometimes be a challenge and a battle
Communicate, acceptance and understanding will lead your relationship to a higher level
Keep Doing It
- Keep complimenting each other.
- Take on feedback.
- Stay positive
- Use the opportunity for more relationship discovery
- And have fun
Had This Yourself?
About the Author:
Martin is a DTE, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company - as well as coffee. I’ll talk to almost anyone …. ok, anyone….
Martin – who has written 128 posts on GeekandJock - Better Relationships Built on Real Life.
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Anita
Just Quickly: ‘Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Taken’ is a line that I most certainly be ‘borrowing’ from you :P
I’ll try and keep my thoughts on this as tight-knit as I can as i’ve been known to waffle when discussing this topic in the past.
I know that if someone calls me ‘sexy,’ I instantly go to thinking, ‘well? Is that all I am?’ whereas I have girlfriends and guy friends who would welcome ‘sexy’ as a compliment with open, adoring arms. It really is a case of ‘horses for courses’ and my sole piece of advice would be to get a feel of the landscape – i.e. actually TALK to the person in question a little – prior to dipping into your bag of compliments.
After all, if you starting throwing out compliments when you’re not even in a position to know whether or not the person you’re dishing them out will appreciate them, how much weight will those words actually be carrying anyway?
Anita. x
Martin
Oh for sure, in most cases you should understand the other person who you’re giving a compliment.
Thing is, I thought (thought is the operative word in this case) I understood Pam would have appreciated ‘sexy’. Oops hehehe
Ever had a compliment rebuttal yourself?
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