Confused

[Dawn]

My husband of two years keeps looking at this porn site called motherless.com.

I have talked to him about it calmly and openly, at first he lied to me about it but then fessed up when I showed him the proof that I knew he was on the site.( I snooped because he started actinging oddly about his smart phone).I told him that it hurts me (my feelings) that he is going to a site like that and that it will damage our relationship if he lies to me about as well.

We talked he gave me full access to his phone and computer after My problem is this I don’t know if I should confront him again about it and make a scene this time, because he knows that spending time on that site hurts my feelings and yet he still does it?he’s not hiding it …

Am I being to insecure? or is this normal behavior foe a man?

[MartinKeymaster]

Hi Dawn and thank you for your question.

Porn, in my opinion, can be a good as well as a bad thing, in a relationship. There’s evidence it can be destructive to an individual as well as a great benefit to a relationship. So it really depends on the reasons your husband is doing the looking.

Bear in mind too that men are more visual creatures too however that doesn’t discount the looking either.

Do you think he’s using the website as a substitute for something that is missing from home or perhaps as some spice to share for your sex lives? I probably need further info on background here.

[Dawn]

Thankyou for replying!

Well I honestly think he uses it just like every other man does or maybe I’m trying to convince myself of that!? I really don’t know…if porn is the issue or if it’s more that particular site and the fact that he ignores the way I feel about it :( I talked to him about it again this evening, with no tears frowns or yelling..

I litterally just asked him,” why motherless ?” He told me because it was free. I again told him that i didnt like him on that site. I also told him i didnt want him any where near a site that advertisted young or teens…The reasoning behind this: Motherless.com is like a porn Facebook , People can upload pics and chat. I explored it a bit and I feel as though there is a lot of teen and young women exploitation on there. If that makes sense being that this is a porn site….

The site just plain disturbs me. Please dont mis-understand me..i do enjoy porn but only WIITH my husband and not alone,

As for our sex life well it could be more healthy at least I think so… He works a very labor intensidve job and comes home from work exhausted and filthy, so I have learned not to try and initiate love making until during the weekends or I get rejected. (Morning sex is rare as well) So it’s usually only Saturday or Sunday when he feels” up to it” is what he tells me. On the other hand he’s masturbating 2 or 3 times during the week either in the morning or after work and using the porn site to do so.

When we do engage it seems to be hit or miss We do a Lot of cuddling… Which is good but I’d sometimtes rather cuddle THEN have sex too!

Do you think I did the right thing by talking to him again?

[MartinKeymaster]

Better background information, thank you, Dawn.

Let’s start by avoiding labelling every other man to do ‘the same thing’ as yours, shall we? Much better to focus on your situation than what you ‘think’ every other guy is supposedly doing :)

This sounds like a great opportunity for some behavioural change in your household actually. Bad habits have a tendency of just creeping up, insinuating themselves into our lives and before you know it, your relationship patterns have changed and you don’t know why.

So, we have a few things to work on.

- Your sexual habits are out of whack, with neither of you getting what you’d like i.e. your husband is seeking and getting additional sexual release without you in the picture. That’s something that needs to change and carefully. Pornography should never be used as a replacement unless there’s a problem and the masturbation is agreed and known by both parties.

- You’re in a rejection pattern due to your partners’ work. Honestly, most guys might be a little exhausted after work but mostly are never too tired for a good round of sex with someone that turns them on.

So here’s a few things to ponder:

[1] Tell him you’d rather fuck him silly when he next feels the urge to jerk off.
[2] Change the ‘he’s dirty from work’ and go tell him to take a nice hot shower, clean himself up because you want it! If he’s tired, you take the dominant role.
[3] Watch some of the porn with him so you can find out some of the things that he finds a turn-on. Put any inhibitions or preconceived ideas aside for those moment too. There’s bound to be some great new ideas for you both and remember to engage in only things your both comfortable with too. Intercourse is always a mutual sharing experience.

Understand, support and move forward, Dawn.

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