Depressed and Confused

[Jen]

I don’t know where to start. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while now.

It’s a cliche on-off thing, though we’re supposedly in it for the long run this time. Every person in my life is telling me to get rid of him, that he’s a loser and a jerk, that I’m happier without him.

Honestly, a part of me feels that way.

I know that he can hold me back, I know that he stresses me out to no end. He has a bad track record for things like jail, drugs, etc. but he’s genuinely a good person. Sometimes, I don’t know why I stay with him. He blows me off, doesn’t answer me, won’t listen to me or talk with me about our issues. I’m very nice to him all the time.

I’m constantly there when he needs me- for example: letting him crash at my house for a week when he got kicked out, giving him $40 so he wouldn’t overdraft on his debit account, forgiving him for skipping out on our New Years plans because he got arrested, making him dinner and breakfast every day, comforting him when he’s depressed.

It’s not that I hold these against him, because I don’t; I love doing things for him and I love being able to help him. It’s just that I feel I try so hard, while he does so little, though when I try to pull away or be a bit distant to worry him, he still makes everything seem like my fault. I don’t want to be the victim, but I also don’t want to start something that will turn into a bad ending- again. Like I said, I don’t know why I stay with him sometimes.

I seem to cling onto him (not in an overbearing way). I love him with every fiber of my being and it kills me when I’m not around him. When we were broken up before, it was like a piece of me was missing, and I could not find it unless I was with him. I don’t want to leave him, but I’m hesitant as to if it would be better for me.

I’m a simple girl… I just like to be kissed, held, told I’m pretty. I’m also a manic depressive who needs a strong man to be there when I need him.

I need advice.. is all of the worrying worth it?

[MartinKeymaster]

Hi Jen,

Thank you for your email. To help others, I’ve included in as a forum post. Your identity is also safe.

I read your story and immediately knew you’re in what is known as a stereotypical ‘Bad Boy’ relationship. Your mothering instinct overpowers you to want to look after him and make him safe. The sad part of all this is at some point, you’re going to end up as damaged goods and he’ll move on to another woman who displays the same ‘mothering instinct’ that he can take advantage of.

Every person who is aware of your situation is telling you the same thing.

‘If it smells like fish, takes like fish and swim like a fish, then chances are it is a fish’. Your friends and family have the added advantage of looking from the outside in and can see both sides.

It’s a difficulty decision but you’re going to have to extract yourself from this relationship as best you can and seek the person who will really take care of you and love you for who you are and what you are capable of becoming.

[Author]

Posts