Home Forums Relationships General Relationships Ending a relationship over a minor/moderate issue?

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  • SoopremeBeing
    Participant
    Post count: 2
    #2356 |

    My boyfriend(or i guess its ex-boyfriend now) had an argument about random harassing emails and texts my prior exboyfriend was receiving. After months of dealing with this drama and confronting the both of them, i took it upon myself to do a little police work and did an IP address search. Ended up getting a match between my boyfriend’s computer and one of the harassing emails. I never came out and accused my ex of doing it, just presented the information to him. He got upset and ended the relationship.

    Considering this is the guy who asked me to move to another state to be with him, whose mother asked me to take care of him when she couldn’t, and asked me to have his children (we dated once before back in 2004, he dumped me because i wouldnt have his baby at age 19), I’m shocked that he would end the relationship as if it meant nothing. He says otherwise, how I was his happiness and whatnot.

    Until now, he has never hesistated to let me know how special I am to him. We live in different states now, but we constantly check in with each other, while giving each other space. He has said that I am his “Great White Buffalo” aka “The One who Got Away.” That’s a blessing and a curse of his: he will say what’s on his mind. During the fight he said mean and resentful things in regards to HIS exgirfriend, such as “My life was drama free before you. I was happy with Camille, and I took a chance on you. I ignored someone I cared about to be with you”, which i specifically asked him NOT to do. I told him I didnt want him breaking up with Camille for me. Of course he later took back what he said “No I was happy 100% with you aside from all of this middle-school drama. I wanted you all along.” The funny thing about him and Camille is that it was an internet relationship(they are both gamers). She’s in CA, he’s in FL, and according to him, he didn’t expect much from her because of the distance, and because of her age (she’s 19, hes 26). She was always too busy with school and work to acknowledge him for days on end. He assumed she was talking to another guy, but she eventually ended their relationship.

    We had a big discussion about our first relationship attempt before getting back together the second time. He always said that now I was back in his life, he wasn’t letting go. I mean his mom was happy that I was around again, and his friends like me. I am putting on a brave face for the public and to get through the day, but I’m dying inside, honestly. I miss him terribly, and I wish I could talk to him.

    He’s basically upset that I don’t trust his word, and that he wants to be single for a while because he doesn’t want to get into arguments about the harassment. We have exchanged apologies over some of the angry words that were said. I’m worried because I do love him, but at the same time, I am somewhat over it since he jumped ship, even though i never really accused him of anything.

  • Martin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    Thank you for taking the time to come on in and let's know what's going on in your life.

    And I presume you're looking for some opinion too.

    From what you say, I see a few things that need looking at though:

    • There's some unhealthy snooping going on with the guy – kinda weird that he fled the scene when this was brought up. If this was innocence on his part, there'd be a simple explanation too.
    • He is using manipulative techniques. By that I mean…
      • Guilt by bringing in his ex-girlfriend
      • More guilt on the ‘drama life before you' comment

    These are quite honestly ‘bad boy' behaviours that many women unsuspectingly fall into so you really do need to ensure this is NOT happening here – despite what you're feeling for him.

    So what is it you want to do next in this ‘relationship'?

  • SoopremeBeing
    Participant
    Post count: 2

    Hi, thank you for responding!

    At this point, i am over the whole harassement issue. I know he did it and i have the proof. As far as the “relationship” is concerned, i really just want the opportunity to express my feelings, especially about the way he manipulated the situation. I really would like to give him a piece of my mind.

    Manipulative, yes that is definitely him. Not only with me, but with his life in general. He cannot seem to take responsibility, and always tries to blame the other party for his woes.

    He told me there is no relationship without trust, and he cant be with anyone that doesnt trust him. But I want to be able to trust him, and i want to make sure hes not going to run away and pout like a five-year-old everytime we have a disagreement. But i know some time will need to have passed before we could have this talk. The anger has subsided, and i let him know that i still love him and care for him, even though im extremely hurt. So the ball is in his court, so to speak.

  • Martin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    Well, he is right – relationships without trust aren't relationships.

    Please do go in with our eyes wide open, the next time you have the opportunity to discuss this. I know you say you're over the anger however you still harbour some negativity, by the words you use. You've got some mental confusion going on which is normal with love and trust betrayal.

    Manipulation in a relationship is very wrong.
    And it's also challenging for the manipulator to stop too so do be very much aware of this if you're looking to rekindle things with him.

    There's some subconscious weirdness going on inside his head if he's simply avoiding owning up to the crap he's done in the past. He's obviously ashamed by these actions. Your hurt will take time to recover from. As you say, the ball is indeed in his court.

    Think about moving on too.

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