How much is too much?

[Michelle]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and we live together. The entire relationship really we’ve pretty much always been together, I spent every night with him until I eventually just moved in about 4-5 months into the relationship. We both love each other very much, and we have great chemistry both emotionally and physically. He’s only had one other girlfriend, from high school, and it’s been about three years since they broke up/he had a girlfriend. I, on the other hand, have had 3 other relationships, although they were never as serious as this is. Throughout our relationship we’ve had issues, and some things from the past still cause problems today. Recently we’ve been fighting a lot, and we’ve been getting meaner in our fights. I can tell he is starting to lose his patience with me. We’re both very stubborn, have tempers, and can be spoiled brats (me, especially). It’s almost like we’re the same person. We had a very bad night Friday, and now we’re trying to figure out where to go from here as nothing is seeming to change and we keep fighting. Neither of us want to end it, we know we love each other very much and we want the same outcome, but we don’t know what to do from here and how to fix it and stop the fighting. We haven’t been consistently happy for a while and it’s time to change, but we’re not ready to let go. Is there any way to fix this or is it too damaged?

[MartinKeymaster]

From the sounds of it, you’re just stuck BUT you both need to find a little something to start the move forward again, yes?

There’s a number of post articles on various ways to do that but let’s suggest a first step for you guys.

• both sit down, each with a pencil and paper
• both answer this easy question – “Do you love me because I love you.”
• as I’m sure the answer from both will be ‘Yes’, then do this:
• both of you sit there and write out 30 things you like about the other person
• there’s no time limit so make sure you have coffee and make sure you do 30
• and making sure you really take the time in producing a list of 30 things you like or love about your partner just proves your significant other is certainly worth moving forward for, doesn’t it?

Fight together for what you believe in. Always ask each other what a mutual solution is to what you disagree on. Reach a mutual compromise. Each has to give a little. You’re in a partnership and not a dictatorship.

[Author]

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