Home Forums Relationships General Relationships how to talk about and make the "Big" moves?

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  • Profile photo of Yvonneinsecurity taking over our relationship
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    #8341 |

    Me and my bf karim have been talking about engagement and moving out much more frequently now. But things are still not steady we still do argue a bit and I got into a masters nursing program and between that, our relationship, and two jobs I try my best to spread myself as much as i can to assure that everyone gets the time they deserve. Karim is a teacher and when i get home we usually talk but he will be on his video game (his form of distressing) and sometimes I just want to come home and talk to him about my day and have a bit of attention. Recently he had a life changing realization about his life and now he is all set on moving out of his house and getting his own apartment. Before this actualization we spoke about this about 100 times stating we would move out together. since august he has been asking about engagement and what is it like with my culture and what or what not i would be comfortable with. To me that seems like he is ready to make a huge change and include me into his life in a way much greater than what we are doing now. But then after this life changing actualization when i asked him about moving out he states yea idk i might just want to live on my own for a bit and find myself, or “its a huge commitment I just need to settle on my own first”, or “i am not sure let me think about it” . With the whole huge commitment comment , engagement is a huge commitment but he seems to be fine with doing that but moving in together is not? please help me understand this.

  • Profile photo of MitchMitch
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    As a guy myself, I'd like to make a comment on this one. Since it's happened to me in the past as well.

    Getting engaged and moving in together are 2 very big steps for a guy. Especially a guy who might have a little trouble in finding his current commitment levels which are going to be different to yours.

    So I'd suggest moving a 2 stages. Get engaged which is a huge step to take and since he wants to do that, go with the flow. You might be surprised that once you both have committed to that, that moving in together will be far easier for him to then understand. A bit of breathing space is good too. I think there's a recent blog post on the site about that very topic so go check that out to help you understand a bit better.

    What do you think so far?

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