Home Forums Relationships General Relationships I am not sure if I should stay with her.

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    #4585 |

    I am unsure if I should stay with my girlfriend right now. She is a great girl who treats me well, has great personality, smart, good looking, and we have great chemistry even between our families. But I have been noticing that she has been changing. She wont dance with me like she used to, she doesn't enjoy it anymore. She only wants us together, even when we are out she always wants to sit down in a room when its the 2 of us. She doesn't like to socialize with my friends or meet anybody else. We are both in college and she isn't living the way I would like to right now. She has become very proper recently and really cares about what other people see us doing and how we act. She is a great girl and I don't want to ask her to change like this, cause I believe if i stayed with her and asked her to change it would just postpone the problem.

  • Profile photo of MartinMartin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    Thanks for the question.
    We all evolve in our own ways and something is causing a change in your girlfriend.
    I'd like to ask a number of questions though, to gather some background information.

    * How long have you guys been going out?
    * Are you both in the same college?
    * Has your girlfriend got any new friends in the time you've been going out?
    * Has she joined any new groups or clubs in this time?
    * Same for her family, have they started anything new in this time?
    * Are you currently living together?

  • guest
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    we have been dating for 2 years. we go to the same college and we are both 21 years old. No she has not gotten any new friends and she is a very trusting girlfriend. no she has not joined any clubs or anything new recently. we are not living together. But as far as I can tell nothing has changed recently within her family.

  • Profile photo of MartinMartin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    Well, if you are unable to isolate any ‘enviromental' changes, there's something that has caused it – nothing changes without a reason.

    So, for some reason, you're unaware of what it is and now comes the time where you simply have to ask her – in a gentle and non-confrontation way too (that's really important).

    I'd get you to browse over a few recent posts too.

    [1] The Ultimate Test of a Relationship
    [2] Use Empathy In Communication

    Be sensitive to her. Ask with the only view of knowing her better and to improve your relationship. You've got to ask so you know where you're both headed and whether the direction it's headed is right for you.

    Make sense?

  • guest
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    I have been questioning her recently about her changing and when I bring it up she agrees that she has changed. I ask her why and she cant answer, she just doesn't know. She gets offended and angry whenever I bring something like that up and she says it makes her self-conscious. Our 2 lifestyles are differing right now and I think she is going to continue to change in a matter that continues to differ with our relationship.

    It does make sense, she knows there is something wrong right now so we will get lunch sometime soon and I will talk with her using some techniques from the posts you referenced. Hopefully it is something that we will be able to work out together. She has been great to me but how she is changing is scarring me.

  • Profile photo of MartinMartin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    You might be going about this the wrong way, from the sounds of it.

    Whatever IS going on, is perfectly right. Change is a good thing – it simply might not be a good thing for your relationship, and that's OK too.

    That's probably why she gets self-conscious, angry and offended as she sees you thinking there is something wrong which simply isn't the case. Stop questioning and start showing empathy and interest in her. Encourage her growth and maybe she'll open up and share with you. That's never going to happen when she thinks that you think she's broken – that's how mental blocks form.

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