I want to rekindle interest in a relationship

[Alex]

I’m not sure if my last post worked but…

My boyfriend and I recently got back together after a year long split. He called me at least once a week, and it was nice for the break because we were 5,000 miles apart and I had things I needed to do and so did he. Not to mention it was hard to have that much far apart. After going over a year without seeing each other, we are finally in the same country and decided to resume the relationship.

Now, last week we got into a fight. I have some trust issues with him from things that happened in our past relationship.

During our fight, he told me maybe he cares about me and just not the relationship. I told him that the relationship and I were a package deal. If he didn’t want to be with me, I wasn’t going to convince him to stay. I would find someone that wanted to be with me and treated me the way I needed to be treated.

He said, “No, no, no… I don’t want to break up. Maybe it’s because you’re always available…” I make myself available because I don’t call him, he calls me. And I almost always answer.

My question is, HOW DO I GET HIM INTERESTED IN THE RELATIONSHIP AGAIN? We’re still 3.5 hours apart by train. I just want a little bit more interest on his side.

Men love the chase, and I am obviously too willing to jump at the opportunity to see him when he wants it.

I’m trying to live my own life, but it’s really hard trying to match schedules up and keep the chase alive. I know that most people say “you shouldn’t have to chase when you’re in a relationship” – I agree with this, but there has to have some interest that needs to be kept alive until you feel settled. We just got back together – obviously we need a little bit of a chase still.

Again, HOW DO I GET HIM INTERESTED IN THE RELATIONSHIP AGAIN? I understand he has work (I have school and work), and things are great when we spend time together, but sometimes I wonder… Our last argument leaves me slightly worried about the relationship.

[MartinKeymaster]

Hi Alex,

I transfered your comment to the forums – unsure what went wrong for you.

OK, men actually don’t like t0 chase – women are under some weird illusion on that score. If it’s for casual sex, some guys will play ‘The Game’. If it’s a promising relationship with someone they care for, men are essentially like most women – find some balance and put it together.

Anyway, let’s move on to figuring this out for you. For start, try reframing your mind from it being a chase to one of a mutual journey. One is very different from the other, with the latter being a mutual road to travel together.

You both should first determine what each of your life goals are. Do it together or since you’re several hours apart, do it seperate and then do a Skype, email each other’s to the other and Skype chat about those goals.

Remember, this is about exploration, understanding, agreement and compromise to a mutual goal. Make sure you include things in that list that make you laugh, that interest you and things that inspire you.

Getting some foundational understanding on each other makes for an exciting adventure.

Any of this make sense to you?
Martin

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