Home Forums Relationships General Relationships I’m trying to understand where things stand w/ a guy.

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  • Dawn
    Participant
    Post count: 1
    #30460 |

    I’m trying to understand where things stand w/ a guy. We went to high school together in the 90’s. (I had a crush on him then.)

    Since then, he’s been married twice:
    * to a woman w/ BPD, w/ whom he has 2 children (who has caused – & continues to cause – unbelievable drama), &
    * to a non-personality-disordered woman who cheated.

    He puts in long work hours as a truck driver.

    We reconnected via a dating app (that he said his sister talked him into signing up for) & have been sleeping together for over a year. Neither of us is seeing anyone else.

    I have feelings – including a great deal of respect – for him & would like this to go somewhere. (After all, isn’t that the point of dating?) But … he either has one foot on the break … or simply sees me as a f*ck buddy. Out of nowhere, he’s said “I don’t want a relationship.” Yet when I bring things up (via text), he always says “relax & see what happens” & that I need to be patient. He’s also told me that I’m “over thinking things” & “missing the big picture.” (I have absolutely no clue what that meant.) In the past, he’s said “we’re doing things backwards” & recently he’s said “when you rush into things, you make mistakes.”

    I tend to be an anxious person, & it’s very difficult for me not to know how he feels about me or what his intentions are. I don’t want to be pushy, but I don’t want to waste my time, either.

  • Martin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    My feeling is he has no fucking clue what he's doing nor what he wants either.

    So start from square one as if you don't know him which by all this time, you probably don't anyway.

    Start slow, meet for coffee and suggest just seeing a movie together.
    Avoid the fuck buddy scenario unless you're ok with getting it on casually, to start with.

    But, yeah don't over think it because there isn't much of sense to think about.

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