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  • luna22
    Participant
    Post count: 1
    #4629 |

    Ok, so I have been with my boyfriend for a bit over a year now. We live together, we are in school together, and we have many of the same friends. Recently his ex text him in a very playful way and then I told him I was uncomfortable with him talking to her since they were together for 4 yrs. He has not talked to her in over 7 months and out of the blue she contacted him..I found that strange. So the next day she called him. He told me. Initially I was mad because I didnt want them to talk…but he told me he just wanted to see what she wanted and he said she just talked about her “happy” married life since she got married about 4 months ago. He agreed she just wanted attention and that he wouldnt talk to her. I dont know it just really bothers me that she is trying to contact him…I have brought it up and he said not to worry that he wouldnt get back with her…but I cant help feeling insecure and almost threatened by her.
    On the same note, he left himself signed into his email account and I looked at his email inbox and it turns out that she sent him pictures of when they use to be together last year when we were going out but before we were “official”….and he joked with her about the pictures turning him on…I shouldnt get bothered by that because again we were not “official” yet and there was no other emails ever since….I dont know what to do because if I bring it up he's going to know I checked his email and that seems absurd….how can I get rid of my insecurities and keep my jealousy level down in order for us to have a healthy relationship?

  • Martin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    Welcome and thank you for your question.
    Thankfully you fully realize peeking at someone else's correspondence is a fundamental betrayal of trust so I won't berate you on that any further :)

    I don't know about being ‘threatened' but I'd be mighty pissed at this woman contacting your boyfriend. There is something going on in her life right now and it certainly sounds like her happy marriage isn't quite so happy or she wouldn't be ferreting around contacting ex-boyfriends. Would she?

    Can you confirm with me that he ‘joked' the pictures turned him on – was this in the recent email that you accidentally read in the last few days?

    I'd like a bit more clarification as younger guys do sometimes think with their dicks which wiley females can take advantage of, sadly.

  • luna22
    Post count: 0

    Yes, I told him that I felt uncomfortable (aka pretty pissed) with them talking again and he said he wont talk with her anymore…the email I read was from last year in Jan 2011…we were dating but not official until Feb. of 2011. So I mean can I even (rather should I) get bothered by that?

  • Martin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    Oh my goodness. That's a lot of time past.

    You know, every relationship there comes a time when you simply just need to wholeheartedly place trust in the person you're with. From what I gather, he's respectful and understanding of the situation and has said its over with the ex and understood why you're rightly pissed off – which you have the right to be too.

    Trust him in doing the right thing and forget it. There's better things you can be doing to enrich your relationship to a higher level than to be worrying about some past girlfriend.

    “My grandmother always taught me to be happy that my broken toys went to a good home” – the same applies to an ex

  • luna22
    Post count: 0

    thank you for your advice :) makes me feel a lot better

  • Martin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    You're entirely welcome – I hope something I've said has made sense as well as a difference.

  • luna22
    Post count: 0

    yes, it did make a huge difference in helping me realize that my boyfriend cares about me and that the past is in the past

  • Martin
    Keymaster
    Post count: 250

    Hey luna22
    It's now a year since you were last here.
    I'd love to know how you two are going (or otherwise).
    Tell us of your journey if you've got some time.

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