January 11, 2012 at 3:13 pm #3510
Hi me and my girlfriend are both 21 and have been seeing each other for a year and a half, im currently away from her for another 6 months at uni. For a while now i’ve been unsure whether to stay with her or not. We get on really well and never argue properly etc however there are a couple of problems, she often gets in terrible moods by the smallest things, seems to worry about everything and seems to lack any sense of adventure and can often be patronising. I on the other hand am a very laid back person who likes to experience everything. Another problem though is Sex, she doesnt want it and i really do. (I’ll put some context to this, i was a virgin til 20 and have gone through 2 years of university watching everyone get laid around me, so now i’ve dropped the V plates i want to experience many things) I have tried talking to her but she just changes the subject and claims shes just not that into it, despite the fact that when we do she seems to enjoy it but if i want to try a new position etc she often complains or refuses and then gives up.
We do have quite a few things in common and we are often very silly and childish with each other, her family love me and i often think i’d make a huge mistake leaving her, shes the kind of girl i’d like to marry but at the moment i’m still young and am desperate to enjoy going out experiencing things whilst i still can. She seemed so carefree when i first met her but sometimes i feel like she not the girl I fell in love with.
The main problem is if i broke up with her it would totally crush her, she doesnt have alot going for her, hates her job, wants to move out from her parents (waiting for me to finish :S) and doesnt have many friends. I think shes been bullied in the past and has trouble trusting people.
I dont want to end up staying with her and ending up cheating on her (not in my character) or find myself still unfulfilled at 30 and then break up after giving up my final year of uni (i get my fair share of interest from girls) and alot of my younger years when i could be out enjoying life without worrying what she will think.
January 11, 2012 at 4:51 pm #3541
Thanks for your question and background.
Two things I’d like to start with, for you to consider:
 You’ve got about 60 years of your life still to live
 Do you want to be her Father / Protector or gain a soulmate and partner in life?
That said, you’re the one who has to find your ideal woman. Thinking you’re trapped in a relationship due to your girlfriend’s issues is only have you always thinking you’re in this because of a negative reason – not because you’re both ideal for each.
Play this light and easy game with her and be honest in saying that it’s about just how compatible you are for each other and a starting point for some good conversation in finding middle ground with which to move forward.
- what do you both love about life?
- what experiences do you still wish to experience?
- where can your current relationship improve, for you as an individual and for you both as a couple?
- where do you both want to be in life in 5 years time, personally and professionally?
- what do you love about the other person?
Do it on a piece of paper. You might want to do it in stages too as it’ll take some brain-power and time. Once each stage is done by each, swap with each other, have a coffee ready, peruse and then discuss. Preface this with it’s about loving discovery.
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