Should i stick with the girl who has always loved me or go to another girl?

[James Martin]

Okay so me and my girlfriend have been dating for a while, off and on since the 8th grade (I\\\’m in the tenth and she\\\’s in the ninth. She\\\’s always loved me and I don\\\’t quite know if I love her, we have great energy but it could just be friendship energy, not relationship energy. There\\\’s this junior who I\\\’ve known for a while and she is very pretty and flirty. Today I went to a meeting about a school program and I could barely breathe, she makes it feel so right I don\\\’t know what to do. Advice?

[MartinKeymaster]

Hi James – thanks for stopping by.

A couple of immediate statements to start with:

[1] You’re still very young when it comes to relationships and you’re going to be a part of (probably) many to come.
[2] This is also going to be a time when you have to grow and ‘man up’ too.

On point [1], your youth dictates you’re both inquisitive as well as exploratory. I’d hope this new girl who you say is flirty isn’t the only reason you’re interested in her. The charms of the female have led many a guy astray. I’d also hope she has some substance to her and you’re interested in her for more than her looks, flirtatious nature and external beauty.

That said, this brings me to point [2].

You’re highly likely (and probably should) be looking at exploring this new relationship opportunity. The ‘man up’ I was referring to is in not being a ‘chicken shit’ who’s afraid of telling the truth, despite a high likelihood of causing someone emotional pain.

And the emotional pain will be with your current girlfriend. She’s going to feel betrayed and let down by you – you can bank on that happening. You will need to be strong as well as try your very best in explaining your situation to her and use calm as well as diplomacy. At no point is any of this her fault. There isn’t any fault actually.

Does any of this make sense?

[James Martin]

The new girl is intelligent and like I said I can barely breathe around her, I am attempting to plan a day (Sunday) for me and her to hang out, outside of school. Should I break up with my girlfriend now or wait until after Sunday to see how me and the new girl do?

[MartinKeymaster]

Hey James,

If you have an intention in seeing another girl outside your current relationship, you have a duty to terminate your current relationship. Otherwise, you’re essentially cheating, plain and simple. 

Waiting until after you see how things go is for YOUR purpose. It’s like keeping a safety net for yourself which is the weak move. You’re still cheating on your current girlfriend but keeping her on the side until something better comes along. Would you like to be treated like that yourself?

[James Martin]

No, I understand

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