What should I do?

[Brett]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. I love her very much and there have been times that I have known I could spend my life with her. When we first started dating, she would smoke cigarettes habitually, something I am not okay with. In fact, back then I told her that she had to stop if we were going to be together. She stopped smoking up until about 6 months ago. Now she has started smoking cigarettes heavily again. I don\’t want to be a controlling person so I don\’t know how to approach the situation. Unfortunately, I’m also very bad at confrontation. We\’re not in the dating stage anymore and we are very close, so I don\’t want to just break up with her. The smoking is a dealbreaker for me though. What should I do?

[MartinKeymaster]

Welcome Brett and thank you for your question.

Actually it comes down to this:

• It’s a dealbreaker for you if she continues to smoke
• She is a smoker and obviously still wants to
• It’s outside yours rights to manipulate someone into change.

So what are we left with?

1. You need to end it since her smoking outweighs your love for her
2. Determine what and how the smoking affects you and find a win-win situation, in it all
   i.e If it’s the smell, explain this to her, use mints and/or air fresheners etc and smoke outside

Does that make sense? Do reply back with further questions too – that’s a healthy thing.

[Author]

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