Facebook – The Home of Relationship Scammers
Most of you already know I met my beautiful and gorgeous wife through Facebook. If you don’t, click and read my Young Love – Never Too Old post and wonder in all it’s magic.
So I’m really OK with Facebook when it comes to dating and meeting new and wonderful people.
Facebook Dating and ‘The Con’
Before I met my wife, I used the Facebook Social Network exclusively to meet new ladies and it was a good process. Whether you’re a woman or a man, dating can be a time consuming activity so smoothing it out into a process saves time and energy.
So, Facebook worked magically for us.
Here comes the con though …..
Love, or the hope of love, has a tendency to blind us from reality.
I recently stumbled upon a Public Facebook status conversation between a woman I approved as a friend and a guy she knew. From the outside looking in, it read like a woman dangling a worm in the water and waiting for the fish to bite.
This really does remind me of a post I did back in August 2010 when she was getting Random Guy Flirts on Facebook.
It was blatantly obvious she was luring the guy and the guy hadn’t a clue.
I couldn’t help myself but make a comment to him that he needs to wake up. Thankfully, it worked too. He gathered his senses and told the woman (if it was actually a woman behind the identity) it was over.
Believe It or Not …
A few days later (probably a coincidence), I get someone both comment on my cover photo – that’s the one with myself and my wife in the shot, saying they (she) would love to know more about me.
Then I get a random Private Message from the same person saying ‘I will love to find the right man to spend the rest of my life with.’.
My reply? ‘Definitely, that’s the eternal dream, isn’t it?’
Well, the reply from her was unexpected and tells the story of more Facebook Dating Scams.
Check the screenshot below – click to enlarge is a good thing.
Let’s See If It Is a Scam …
The reply I got from ‘her’ was suspect, to say the least. So with my enquiring mind, I went a hunting.
Let’s simply check her profile as a start. Follow along with me here and make any comments if you agree or disagree. I love the saying ‘If it smells like a fish then it probably is’. If this smells like a Facebook Dating Scam then it probably is.
Have a peek at ‘her’ profile and in particular, her list of friends. Click the image below to enlarge.
See anything common, like they’re all guys?
What Happens To a Guy’s Common Sense?
I don’t know about you but I’m 53 years young. Yeah, I’m an older guy who loves my lady.
I’m pretty sure some 20 or 30-something isn’t likely to see me and immediately launch into an instant ‘love at first sight’ Facebook message.
So why guys drop their load when it happens to them and go ga-ga ?
Social Media is wonderful to connect with friends.
Social Media has also become a rampant disaster for cons and scams, especially Facebook – I see it growing, more and more.
Over To You
Now that we’ve reached the bottom, here’s what you can do next:
- So why do guys lose common sense when approached by what’s obviously a scam?
- Have you been approached on Facebook by some random person looking to hook-up?
- Do you know anyone that’s fallen prey to these scammy characters? What happened?
- Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then enjoy this article too.
And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
About the Author:
Martin is a DTE, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company - as well as coffee. I’ll talk to almost anyone …. ok, anyone….
Martin – who has written 130 posts on GeekandJock.
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Karo
Twitter: UnburdenNow
The topic is a very important topic. So thanks for bringing it up. But the examples you gave doesn’t really show any scam. The fact that a much younger lady is interested in you doesn’t immediately make it scam.
From the email I read from her to you all I see is a lady desperate to settle down. And yes, there are many ladies who as a result of multiple bad experiences with younger guys now prefer to go for much older men.
It’s a common saying in my country now that older men are more likely to be mature and treat a lady right. So I don’t see the scam, sorry.
And a scam should be a scam before you expose someone like that. I could be mistaken but from all I read I see honest thoughts from her so I really don’t think it’s cool just sharing her privacy like this when it’s not a confirmed spam. It’s kind of letting her down. Put yourself in her shoes, you showed interest in someone and suddenly you see the private message you sent the lady being exposed to hundreds of people. Honestly how would you feel?
I’m sorry this is just my opinion, I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt until clearly proven otherwise. Moreover it takes a lot from a lady to show clear interest in a man and when she finally does to be treated like this is not just fair.
Keep in mind I’m working with the information you provided. She only has 35 friends and all male. I’m like so? What if her sole purpose for signing up to Facebook is to meet men? You said you used Facebook “exclusively to meet new ladies” so will it be wrong if you choose to have all female friends? Think about it, you really have nothing concrete.
Anyway, to my own experiences…
My purpose for using Facebook is very clear. I’m there just to network. I do online writing full time so I’m always more interested in the business aspect of Facebook than chatting with friends. But I try to confirm friend requests (the ones that appeals to me) as they come in and comments.
And of course sometimes I spend a few minutes chatting when someone that seem responsible catches me online. And I’ve met some interesting people through Facebook. And I’m even in a relationship with one of such interesting people now and things are going well I must add – He’s so open as much as I am. Communication is great and his humility is amazing.
But sure there are scams. One major one happened to someone from my country recently where she was allegedly raped and killed by the guy she met on Facebook and traveled down from her state to do business with.
So terrible things happen. Be careful is the word of caution. Watch what you post and what you comment on. Even if you’re single and searching, don’t do it so blatantly. I have gotten some few interests from people I’ve just casually chatted with over time. And that’s without even putting myself out there to get it.
Karo recently posted..To Fall In Love What Does It Really Mean?
Shiwangi peswani
Twitter: findwebapps
Lovely post Martin, I actually loved your honesty and can say that you are a real guy. Usually guys when come to know about any such girl they start dating and spending time with her online. You love Pam truly and its quite apparent from your posts. Read your Young Love- love never too old
Martin
Twitter: GeekandJock
Thanks so much for your lovely words, Shiwangi and I’m glad you enjoyed the post too – as well as the other one.
Martin recently posted..Young Love – Never Too Old
Melissa
Twitter: GirlsAskGuys
Great post! I enjoyed the story, as well as the steps you took (and screenshots, lol) to uncover the scammer. Not only is it well-told, but it’s also a terrific lesson.
Scammers come in all shapes and sizes, and in every medium. Even meeting someone face-to-face, dating, and entering a long-term relationship can result in being duped. But it seems to be a much more common story these days with the anonymity of the internet being so easy.
I agree – the first red flag for me was a “I’d like to get to know you better” comment on a photo of you and your wife. Given that we all know the comment notification process on Facebook, one would think, “wow, awfully nervy of this woman.” But not everyone is privy to the world of social media – and for that, we have you to thank for step-by-step blog posts such as this! :)
Thanks again!
Melissa
GirlsAskGuys.com
Martin
Twitter: GeekandJock
Glad you enjoyed the post, Melissa – please do share it too.
The first warning sign was this woman commented on my Cover Photo which very clearly has my wife and I in it – don’t know about nervy or just plain silly.
That said, if I were to contact, ‘she/he/they’ would know I was a likely target for their scamming – and I guess that’s the best approach to quickly weed out the people who won’t fall for the scam.
Oh, and do get yourself a Gravatar too.
David
Twitter: PTherapySydney
Unfortunately scammers are always going to be out there. The medium doesn’t matter; whether it’s online, by email, over the phone or in person, dating and romance scams appeal to your romantic or compassionate side and use emotional triggers to get you to fall into their “trap”.
Some scammers use very smart and psychologically proven techniques to get you to lower your guard, which can often be hard to detect and extremely difficult to resist. A common construct is what’s referred to as a “yes set” followed by a “compliance set”.
It works like this: If I can get you to say “yes” several times (usually 4 times in a row will work) you are then more likely to say yes to my next question.
- Hi, I see you have a facebook account? – Yes
- And you are friends with …. (insert the name of one of their friends)? – Yes
- Do you check your facebook account regularly? – Yes
- Can I add you as a friend? – YES!
See how subtle that was? If I’d just opened with can I add you as a friend. Well, you’d be far less likely to say yes. Once you’ve completed a “yes set” you are now in a state where you more likely to follow (“comply”) with my commands. And similar to above, I’ll subtly get you to “comply” 3 or 4 times (the more times the better) and then hit you with the big one.
- I’m going to send you a friend request, make sure you add me.
- Check out this link.
- What do you think about my picture? email me to let me know.
Without you even realizing; you are following commands like a sheep. So your defenses are down when they give you an “unusual” request. You could fall victim when you know you would never normally be prone to this kind of scam. “how did I let that happen?” you might ask… well, now you know!
Anyway, that’s something to be aware of (and a great technique to keep in the back of your mind if you want to be more effective in the way you communicate!)
Thanks,
David
David recently posted..Content Free Therapy – Sydney Therapy
Martin
Twitter: GeekandJock
- Do you think that’s a good comment, David?
- Do you agree it’s advice for better communication
- Are you a good guy?
- Can you send me a million dollars, in small unmarked bills?
Yeah, it is subtle and certainly these scammers know what they’re doing in luring in unsuspecting people who are eager to find that special someone.
I read recently that they also have a filtering system, to more quickly determine those more likely to fall for their schemes. A bit like if someone replies to someone from Nigeria then they’ve obviously not aware of all the dodgey things going on there so they’d be on the hitlist. For those that don’t respond, immediately off the list – making the scammers job better because they can concentrate their efforts on the ‘warm leads’.
Martin recently posted..Arguments – Have You Ever Been A Cat In A Box?
Raaj Trambadia
Twitter: raajtram
Well, not yet on Facebook, but I’ve got a whole lot of such email scams. Though I read the whole thing written (sometimes it’s exciting and sometimes pretty much boring), I NEVER reply ‘em as I already know what it is!
Martin
Twitter: GeekandJock
I certainly do get the same as you’re experiencing with emails, Raaj. My email address has been around as long as the Internet so you can just imagine the number of Spammy lists it must be on.
Though I notice these Internet Scammers seem to be becoming more common now on random Skype chats and calls too. I’m always getting random titillating Skype chats from ‘young ladies’ from Ghana :)
Martin recently posted..Top 3 Reasons Why a Stale Love Life Is Helped by Distance
Raaj Trambadia
Twitter: raajtram
Whoa! Never got any on Skype yet! Maybe I’m not as good looking as you!
Martin
Twitter: GeekandJock
I think it’s probably more to do with my age fits better as a potential target then anything at all to do with what I look like, Raaj :)
Martin recently posted..Arguments – Have You Ever Been A Cat In A Box?
CJ at Food Stories
Twitter: FoodStoriesBlog
I had no idea you guys met through FB … How Cool :-)
CJ at Food Stories recently posted..National Coffee Milkshake Day & Giveaway
Martin
Twitter: GeekandJock
Indeed we did, CJ :)
Though I’m really more interested in your views on the 3 closing questions.
Thoughts?
Martin recently posted..Your User Submitted Inspirational Quotes
Martin
Twitter: GeekandJock
I should also ask about what did you think about ‘her’ approach as well? Strange she started ‘making the moves’ on a Cover Photo that featured myself and my wife. Bizarre.
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