Is There An Art To Manliness?
Somewhere between the Dos Equis guy and the first cave man to singlehandedly take down a mammoth lies the recipe to the art of manliness.
There have been many manly men throughout history, sure, but a few stand out, like the guy who thought maybe to pair beer with sausage,
… it’s a list in progress.
Something else that should be in progress is your training to become manlier.
Are you wearing sweatpants on the streets?
Then pay some attention here. You don’t need to become a proper Renaissance man, but some training is due.
They say it’s all about the beard these days.
Sure, growing hair on your face is nature’s own way of confirming you’re a real boy, but appearances don’t count if you can’t back them up (with, say, pyramid push-ups, for starters).
You need to pick up a lifestyle or two, and make them a hobby.
If there were ever a perfume for men, and it doesn’t smell like wood-shavings, that sissy-liquid is not worthy of your neck.
Calluses are painful, but pain is only weakness leaving the body.
Toughen up man-child!
Jesus was a carpenter, and he was a fly homeboy.
- Can you build your lady a kitchen?
- Will your kids have a tree house?
- Will you grow up to be the father figure movies will be based upon?
Neither sexism nor feminism will make you a sandwich, so give up on the tropes and learn to feed yourself.
Yes, mom’s cooking was the best. Have some heart, call her up and ask her for that stew recipe.
A real man entertains his friends with barbecued steak, not crisps … just saying.
Can you grill it?
Then grill it.
Have a battle plan, but choose it wisely.
You don’t need an outfit to fight, your fists are your props.
Krav Maga is an option, Aikido is not.
The streets are a dangerous place to be after hours, so learn how to keep those teenage punks in check.
Don’t initiate combat, you’re a man and not a bully.
Protect the innocent, defend the weak. Ser Jaime Lannister, new and improved.
Li Shang? Make a man out of him.
Have a dog
Bonus points if it’s a big one, your manly strength can handle walking a big dog.
“That’s a cute Golden Retriever. Here, meet my German Shepard.”
Train that mutt. Chicks dig trained mutts.
Everybody likes a trained mutt.
He who cares for a dog, gets the girl.
School those local kids on how to land the perfect goal.
Don’t react when you land the perfect goal.
Hit the basketball field with your manly buddies, not the sports bar.
Baseball is for children. And joggers.
The NFL is always looking.
Learn how to drive.
Like really drive.
When you drive a car, you are in control of everybody in it. You are Major General. Your troops need you.
Don’t yell at the bad drivers. They are weak and need your strong guidance.
Got a car? Fix your own damn car.
Greaser mode: ON
It’s like having a car, but better.
You are the master of the waves.
Model girlfriend location: your deck.
You think it’s hard to fix a car? Try fixing a boat.
“You may call me Captain”
Matthew McConaughey sailing off with his Pops at the end of Mud.
- Stay still.
Learn how to shoot a gun because somebody is gonna have to be Rick Grimes one day.
John Wayne was a real man, and he could hunt down his own dinner. Are you saying you can’t?
“Kids, we’re having venison for dinner”
Not Duck Dynasty, those guys are quacks.
Arsenals are for the army. You’re a manly man, not a garrison, you don’t need automated weapons.
Develop Your Damn Interests.
Not wrestling moves, not movie trivia, not your record collection, and certainly not your video games.
- What do you know about whiskey?
You are a classy manly man and you do classy things in your pastime.
Serve people your own brewed beer, because you know that shit.
You are the Dos Equis guy.
At the end of the day, if you can’t pull off a Sean Bean at a bar, get shot, beat bad guys, order a drink, and protect a supermodel, and call that a casual Wednesday, call your mother again, and apologize.
What’s Your Opinion?
- OK which one are you trying first?
- Or is it easier to start with just wine, cigars and beer? :)
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