Relationships and Divorce – The Old Cat Box
Who would think that I’d be one day comparing cats and relationships; and what they had to do with arguments and split-ups?
Is the relationship grass ever greener on the other side?
The Arguments Scenario
- Now arguments are bitter and harsh
- Everything seems like it’s going to grind to a halt
- Tempers are frayed by continual arguments
- The significant other isn’t talking to you
- They’re avoiding you too
- …. Hey, look, someone else of the opposite sex is paying me attention
- …. They seem like a wonderful person … friendly … attentive … and interested
- …. Is the grass actually greener over there, with them?
A Typical Reality
- Considering most people are already ‘relationship programmed’, the chances are high that the ‘next’ person you become interested in will have the same personality and behavioral traits as the last one
- Attraction and desire progress into relationship reality i.e. the initial infatuation wears off
- You’re now faced with a very similar situation of relationship mismanagement as you were in before
- … Neat, huh?
The Difference Between The Cat and You?
Cardboard boxes don’t have feelings.
You might think it’s perfectly reasonable to hop out of one supposedly failing relationship and try out the new box (sexual pun unintended) as the cat did but the old box has long gone and moved onto its own greener pastures.
You’ve just screwed your own pooch.
Be Better Than The Cat
OK, let’s skip back to the top scenario again and try something different.
…. Hey, look, someone else of the opposite sex is paying me attention
Time for a mental reframe.
Now, internally, ask your logic brain these questions:
- Before the harsh arguments, did you love them?
- Before the current hostilities began, did you see yourself being with them forever?
- Before the bitter feud, were you happy?
If you answered even Yes to one of those questions … STOP and think about what you were about to do.
With a little tender loving care, attention, and calm conversation, you’ll ride out the current arguments barrage and be back on track, to a happy and fulfilling (mostly) life with someone you do care for and love.
Your alternative is the same crappy situation you’re in now but with someone else’s life you’ll screw up as well.
Essentially flushing all that time, effort, and emotion down the toilet.
Be The Better Cat, OK?
Over To You
Now that we’ve reached the bottom, here’s what you can do next:
- Have you ever thought about another box before?
- What do you do to keep focused on resolving an argument?
- What’s one thing you’d recommend others do, to stop looking at the other box?
- Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then enjoy this article too.
And thanks for reading too – I’ll see you in the comments.
19 thoughts on “Arguments – Have You Ever Been A Cat In A Box?”
oh, i thought the box is closed when the cat is in it. . But when i saw the photos, the boxes are all open….so the cat is” freely” to jump out here and there…… lol.. thank you so much martin.you are great . i divorced in 2000. what a sad sad situation for me.i wanted to give up my life that time… When a black cute fat cat .. came under my window,sit there for a while, just to see me silently… .the cute blackcat really helped ease my broken heart just watching me for some times…. with his big beautiful green green eyes…as if the cat tried to say..” hai, i love you…dont be so sad…”.Now, the cute black cat is long gone… but… the cat left a feeling of caring stuck in my heart… . i feel like i want to cry, want to cry right now, martin. thank you so much for sharing… i still keep my life as a single woman until to this time . love is bittersweet memories indeed…
Hey thanks heaps for your sharing.
You sound like you have been through some ‘love trama’ that is still in recovery mode?
It’s the same with so many other situations. The grass also seems greener when it comes to jobs, geography, friendships, etc.
Sometimes change is necessary – but if we aren’t honest with ourselves as to what’s creating the desire for it, we make choices we regret.
Those questions are perfect because they really get to the heart of the matter.
It isn’t always easy to be honest with ourselves, so we run. In reality though, often enough it’s US we’re running from!
It’s an interesting human reaction to change, I read recently. Despite a good or bad outcome, we’ll make the best of it anyway.
That isn’t always in our ultimate best interests though, or at least the better outcome we might have gotten.
As for relationships, when we go through tough times, most of us have a passing thought as to whether all that crap is really worth the effort and surely there must be someone out there that could understand us so much better than ‘this person’. Well, probably not :) We are all complex and challenging to individually know and understand. Out of the Frying Pan …
Gotcha on not always being honest with ourselves too, Dana. At least we can be aware that we aren’t and consciously work towards being so – at least that’s what I do. You?
I think my ex thought he seen a better box only thing it was a box we both knew very well. It was my mom’s best friend daughter who was a few years older than my son. We had our share of arguments prior to the break-up. However, my problems began before then in other relationships. I generally started them b/c of my insecurity and lack of trust. In other words I was bringing in my baggage in every relationship.
So I guess cats don’t like a continue messy kitty litter and that also make them not want to come back. But this cat had his own issues and took it all the way to the alter, I mean he showed up drunk. Well,
this cat continue to put up with the mess but he left anyway. I was left standing in a pile of shit for awhile. Finally, I got myself together and change to a cleaner kitty litter and the more time goes by the cleaner and better I feel getting away from all that mess. So agree to disagree and leave the negative energy out. Please try to carry less baggage into a relationship as possible so when you start getting rid of it, the less better and a clean closet makes room for positive things to go into it for the both of you.
So grateful in you sharing your experiences and paying us another visit, Janis – you’re always very welcome here.
I think you followed with the right direction in dumping his ass and beginning your own better journey of healing and self-discovery.
And, yes, you are so right when it comes to leaving the baggage at the door. Many a relationship has fallen prey to each other’s historical bullshit when it should be a fresh lease on life. But we’re human and life is a lesson, isn’t it?
When we are angry, we all have this tendency to decide in haste and say hurtful things that we don’t really mean, these are the same statements we regret making in the end so it would best to take a breather and think about the reasons why the relationship is still worth saving. Thanks for the insightful read :)
As a cat lover, I already saw the photo of that cat switching boxes before. It was funny, but until you have further discussed about it here, I didn’t realize that it was a common scenario with humans in many countries, and who knows maybe there are a lot of people right now who are doing that to others.
I agree with you that people who just got out of a relationship typically compare their current boyfriend/girlfriend to their previous ones, and that only shows that they kind of miss their previous partners and their personalities.
If a couple has misunderstandings or arguments, this may be easier said than done, but why not sit for a moment and talk it out calmly? We may not be perfect, but we can be the right person for the one we love.
A very gripping share. I had never even thought that relationships and humans could be compared with a cat or a box. The comparison actually made the issue crystal clear. We all feel to get out of a failing relationship, but the key is to give it one more chance. Often relationships fail because of lack of communication, and the same reason acts as the cause for all future relationships to fail. Thanks for writing such a great post.
You definitely nailed it, at some point we should all consider finding more ways to sustain the relationships we have. Thanks!
So glad you liked the words of my wisdon, Kristine.
Would you agree that at all points of a relationship that we need find more ways to sustain them?
What’s your view on it being a continual and forward set of actions as opposed to something we just do when there’s trouble?
What an amusing take on the issue, you kept me entertained for a good 10 minutes :) I think that the best way to keep a relationship is by keeping lines of communication open as well. Life is not merely about jumping from one box to another whenever we feel a sense of dissatisfaction towards our partners. Thanks!
Thanks for the visit and comment, Joy – so glad you were amused too :)
It was a fun as well as a serious post to write. Like all good things in a relationship, getting the chatting going is the first step towards understanding.
Though some people’s life’s are about quickly bailing out, at the first hint of trouble … sad.
BOY – everyone ready to have an affair needs to read this one – life seems greener on the other side doesn’t it …. over time the green doesn’t look as green…..
Great post my friend – still logged on with Makegirlfriends.com – the baton has been passed but not fully turned over as of yet. Soon though….
Glad you enjoyed the post, Nancy and I bet you’re looking forward to passing on the reigns to move into another part of your life.
As for the article, once someone decides to take that unknown step into an affair or an outside relationship, there’s no turning back to what you have now (or could have in the future).
“Out of the frying pan …”
I haven’t thought about new boxes in this relationship, but I did think about what would be like without it. And it is definitely not greener. But I do get your point and I think there are many people that have this difficulty. For me, it has always been about the current relationships and how we can solve problems.
Solving problems? You’re one of those great people who are typically in the minority, in this fast paced world. Who wants to solve a relationship problem when it’s far easier to avoid facing reality by simply leaving the whole mess behind and go look for something better?
Thank goodness you’re on the planet as a good example, Mariella – and thank you for voicing your resolve too.
I have no comment to offer as I have no personal experience of being either the cat or the old or new box!
Oh dear – we had an ‘Oops’ moment there, Ramana – you would have only seen a smaller image only and not the full post. Apologies for that.
Have another browse and tell me what you think.