As Well As How To ‘Un-Screw-up’
I’d be pretty much like anyone else – knowing there’s no ‘perfect way’ to hold a healthy relationship together.
Having said that, my experience and research have given me some initial areas that I’ve worked on (and continue to work on) around my relationships with those close to me – as well as maintaining these values through the core of my being.
Given my own mental ‘profile’ and outlook, I’m always looking and researching in maintaining a healthy relationship. And it certainly seems that relationships are a human beings’ continual failing in life.
By that I mean we have successes as well as failures however, mostly, the successes are almost achieved by accident, as we stumble through life. We tend to concentrate on material things more than we put effort into ensuring our life partner and soul mate are happy and looked after in so many ways.
When your partner is happy and contented then it’s almost a mirror of what you’ll receive in return.
The old saying of ‘give and you will receive’.
So here’s a few areas that I’ve found are on the top of the list of relationship failings.
Such a minefield this one.
When any new relationship starts off, there’s always going to be some underlying challenges with trust.
I mean, it’s not you, is it?
It’s another completely different human being with their own history, development, and views on things. And couple all that on the simple differences between males and females.
You know those pangs of jealousy when you’re living with someone and they go out with their friends and mates without you?
Listen … trust is going to be a leap of faith initially, despite whatever baggage or preconceptions you already have lurking in your background and history. Providing you already have a reasonably good communication rapport with your partner, you’ll know why they, as an example, they’re going out with their friends.
Women need conversation and oft times they feel a different type of comfort in the company of other women friends.
So if they have a hankering for a coffee, let them.
Resist that overpowering desire to call them – if they’re in trouble or want to talk to you while they’re out with their friends, they’ll call you!
There’s also that desire to check up on her when you have a chance to scan through her phone, isn’t there? Don’t even think about that one. How would you feel if you discovered your own phone had been searched without your knowledge or consent?
Lack of trust can certainly be a relationship killer.
Remember: Leap of Faith and your relationship will blossom.
Personally, I think security has to first come from within.
Do you love yourself for who you are and what you represent because you should?
Do you love your partner for who they are, what they’re about, and what you gain from them as both a person as well as your partner (or your other half)?
If the answer to those questions is ‘Yes’ then you’ve only got your own inner voices to contend with, haven’t you?
Those voices that say ‘Will she love me if I do this or that?’ or ‘does she think I’m more handsome than some other guy?’ The honest truth here is she loves you for who you are now. Seconding guessing someone else in your head is just plain silly.
Neither of you are mind readers, are you?
If you have a question in your head, pop it out of your mouth and ask your partner so you get the answer you seek and you have the added bonus of having a conversation and enjoying each others’ thoughts and ideas. And if she thinks someone else is more handsome and appealing than you are, do you honestly think she’d be with you now?
And these voices cause you to probably start fights with her as well. You might not realize it but insecurity has you constantly nitpicking over silly things just to prove your partner cares. ‘…Why didn’t you know what I was thinking, you should have known what I wanted …’ – Hello, kinda crazy to even contemplate your partner can read your mind, isn’t it?
Insecurity is like cancer in a relationship.
Starts off small and gradually eats away and grows in mass until things deteriorate and fall apart.
Jealousy can really screw things up. Jealousy has insecurity attached too, I think.
I’m sure you’re aware of that feeling when you’re strolling merrily along with your partner and he/she ‘checks’ out the opposite sex with a casual glance. That inner voice says ‘Christ, what’s that about? He/She is bloody well perving on them.’
What are you thinking?
It’s really kind of natural to admire a good-looking specimen of anything. Do you get that feeling if they admire a good-looking pair of shoes, a beautiful horse, or anything else that looks nice? A cool thing to do is comment on the other person that was being checked out.
My partner and I often ‘people watch’ as we’re having a coffee in a mall. People watching is fun – it’s a conversation between two people.
- What kind of person is the other person
- Where do you think they are going
- What they’ve been doing.
- Or ‘She’s got big boobs’
- ‘He’s got a fat arse’
- ‘He’s really showing off those bulging biceps, isn’t he?
- What a poser’.
Do you get it?
Instead of getting jealousy in your head, turn it around to be a positive and maintain that healthy relationship, and shove those voices away, where they’re never to surface.
What’s It Really All About?
Do you see a common cure throughout all this?
Yep, communication in your relationship is the key.
It’s key to quell the voices, negative thoughts and it’s key in moving forward with your relationship.
Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion
Nice to see you made it to the end of the post. Here’s what you can do next:
- What is one sure-fire way you know of that’ll screw up a relationship?
- Have you ever screwed it up yourself? How?
- Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then enjoy this article too.
And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
8 thoughts on “The Best Ways To Screw Up A Relationship”
i think i suffer through trust and insecurity.
Fixing it is hard especially when the other person wont communicate with you about it.
We all have blocks of some sort, Yvonne. I probably trust people TOO much and that can be a downside, sometimes.
Point is that you have gotten past the first hurdle in actually recognising the blocks that you need to work on – that’s an amazing step to take and one many people will never get to.
It’s probably a better topic for the forums than in comments but maybe it’s a simple matter of not verbalising what you want the other people to understand since we all view things differently.
Communication here I refer to the wisdom of George Bernard Shaw: “ The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion it has taken place. ”
Hmmm … Two different people with their own set of sunglasses. Sunglasses, its not sunny today you say. What I mean, thanks to an understanding from Brian Klemmer, we all look through a lens of our perception of the world. Which can be interesting in itself since when meeting people how on earth do we know our own baggage, let alone work out theirs.
I want to talk with the great human designer first and find out his or her's sense of humour.
I mean how can two people who love each other, drive each other Mad simultaneously .
All said and done, make each day another great adventure in your life and go forth …
Nice – the big one for me is trust. Chicks always get this weird trust crap going on when you even casually glance at another woman. It isn't as if I'm remotely interested in anyone else – I'm just checking out a good looking female. Maybe it's due to men being more visual so we look at stuff.
Girlfriends always seem to be insecure about this, for some reason – and because of this, I find I'm doing the glance when she's not looking. Which, itself, is deceptive as Gary Nesbitt said in his comment. It's just crap if you ask me.
Thanks so much for your comment.
Society has much to answer for, for the outlook a lot of ladies have about the 'looking at other females', if you ask me. I mean the media continues to bombard advertising with thin gorgeous models with those 'oh so' slim figures. Magazines do the same etc etc. I can't falter them for wanting the best human specimens to advertise products however it certainly has a negative impact on a women's self confidence – and it often adds to their insecurity.
It's not that we women don't expect you to look at other women. It's the whole look but don't touch rule that seems to be many couples M.O's. But, when you blatantly do it in front of us and make no effort to be even a little discrete, as a courtesy, that's what wigs us out. We feel that if you are willing to even take the chance that we might feel even a little insecure because of your blatant "checking other women out" that it's disrespectful. We are not necessarily jealous of the girl(s) you glance at while passing by. We are resentful that our emotions were blatantly disregarded.
Of course, men will argue that if a woman is so secure, it wouldn't phase her one way or another. But, let's face it, even the "coolest" of women feel this way, whether they express it or not, they just choose different fish to fry. It's natural and that's just the way it is. So guys, it's best to respect our dignity and pride as we respect your manhood by not making you hold our purses for us, oh, and letting you pick up the tab ;)
Well said and I do agree with your comments on respect.
People have different levels of anxiety as well as security and it’s important to recognise these in your partner to ensure their feelings are safeguarded and they know they’re in the company of someone who understands them.
Funnily enough, I know my wife often points out people who she finds fascinating – like really big boobs, funny hair etc. I think most people have a certain liking in ‘people watching’. Those are safe times to jointly take a look.
Other times, it’s always best to exercise moderation as well as a little self-control too.
Hey, thanks too for taking the time to post and express your thoughts. It is very much appreciated.
Love the way you laid that blog out.
And I have to admit I've guilty of all of those plus a few more.
I know in the past when I've been affected by 'the voices', as you call them, that other negative emotions and actions creep in. Like lying (to conceal my negativity), deceit (again, hiding the pain the voices have started) and then the relationship falls apart. I've been through enough of them now to have realized, as you have obviously had happen yourself, that talking to my girlfriend solves most things.
Nice post Geek