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This is really a women's only forum.
Especially formulated with a mix of confusion, questions and answers.
If you're a women looking for some answers to how a male brain ticks or what going on inside that man's head, you've got the right place. Post a question and I'll give the male viewpoint.
Guy to Girl translation
LauraJanuary 13, 2012 at 10:23 pmPost count: 0
Right, so I have been seeing/talking/been good friends with (we aren't really defined, that's part of the issue) a man for about a year now. We started as friends on a online game. (I know…online….what a taboo, but I have been friends with his cousin for a couple of years and that cousin has been friends and playing different online games with another friend of mine for about eight years now (this is a irl friend, he works with my brother-in-law)). So back to the topic at hand, sorry 'bout that tangent. He lives a couple of states north of me and I have been up to see him a couple of times, as he lives near my mother and it's a nice two birds/one stone situation. Our conversations over the last year are quite in depth and he has shared a lot of his deepest emtions and memories with me. But I get that a lot from people, I don't know why, must be the sign on my forehead asking for everyone's life stories. I don't mind, it just seems to happen a lot. Sorry, another tangent. So, we have gotten to know each other quite well, have found that we have quite a bit in common: values, family background, musical tastes, etc. It's also nice because I am such a “listener” and he is such a “talker” that it would seem to be a perfect relationship.
However, a couple of times he has told me that I don't open up to him like he has to me. That I don't talk to him about my life like he does with me. Let me tell you that with him being such a talker, his listening skills are not quite so developed. ;) It is more pronounced when we are in person and I go to tell him something that I deem to be important (like when I do open up about a hurtful event in my past or about our relationship in the present) that he doesn't appear to be listening. He has done that to me a number of times and it hurts my feelings. I see it as a sign of disrespect or lack of interest. This leads me to not have the desire to open up anymore. I have pointed this out to him and I am not quite sure that he gets my point. But that's not my biggest issure.
We have expressed a love for each other and this is quite an undertaking for him. Neither of us had been in any sort of a relationship for a number of years and so we were both rusty going in. But desipte this professing of love for one another, on the few occasions when I have gone out to the club with my sister (I don't care for the bar scene anymore, that's what my 20's were for and my liver is thanking me for taking it easy), he always asks me if I am going to or if I got laid. Umm….what exactly is he asking me or expecting from me? I know this is a long distance thing (whatever kind of a thing it is) but saying you love someone means something to me and I thought it did to him. I find him hard to read to begin with, I don't always catch his teasing (I am a quite literal thinker and listener – ie you say it you must mean it kind of gal) so maybe he is just joking?
There are other little things that I find it hard to overcome but my be on my part. But I love his sense of humor, his intelligence (and believe I have had to dumb myself down for some losers that I have dated in the past), his sense of family, core values, and shared love of music. Is this just me being a women and there fore way overthinking things or are there some red flags there that I am ignoring? Sorry for the whoel War and Peace description of my problems. Any suggestions and advice would be greatly appreciated because I am starting to feel like we are drifting apart from the miscommunication and I truly value and love the connection that we have together.
MartinKeymasterJanuary 13, 2012 at 10:57 pmPost count: 250
Hi Laura and thank you for sharing.
Sounds to me like he's fishing i.e. trying to discover in a roundabout way where you are at in relation to other potential boyfriends or even sexual dalliances.
That said, you both are certainly different types of thinkers as well as communicators. That isn't a bad or a good thing – it's something that certainly does need to be understood by you both.
But try this, Laura: Simply ask him straight up ‘OK, I'm getting some really confusing signals from you and we need to sort it out so we both can be on the same understanding'. You guys seem to have some potential however that spark obviously needs to be from both people. If there isn't anything of value then you NEED to get your answer so you can find someone who is right for you.
Guys don't usually think down the multitude of pathways that ladies tend to do. Be more direct and single focussed and insist on getting defined answers.
Please do ask me for any further clarification if you need any and thanks for the great question (tangents included).
LauraJanuary 14, 2012 at 9:15 pmPost count: 0
Thank you very much for your quick response. I knew deep down that it was a communication thing. Be it man/woman or right/left brain or how ever it is. Yes, we women tend to follow every single thread in the tapestry to break it down on the molecular level, while men stand back and see the whole. Simple description but I think it works, and definitely when describing the difference of thought process between me and my man. I will take your advice and try to remember that when I talk to him next time. Simple can be good. :)
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