Is this guy for real?

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  • Heather
    Post count: 0
    #4539 |


    My name's Heather and I need ur advice.

    Please bear with me as my story is sort of long….. Ok, so around early october I'm waiting for the bus to go to work and I randomly bump into this guy who was a super close friend of mine and my brother while we were in elementary.

    I stop him on the street and we start talking and stuff, and this is the 1st time I saw him again after 13 years.

    The next 2 days he happens to “accidentally bump” into me at the bus stop again. We start texting each other, we hung out at his place and talked for like 7 hrs straight about everything, he tells me he has a girlfriend he's been dating for 2 months. I go home and on my way he keeps texting telling me I'm so cute and gorgeous blah blah blah.

    The next day I met him at the park and we kissed. We keep texting, he tells me he wants to date me, break up with the girlfriend, etc etc. Of course I don't believe him until he proves it. Meanwhile he keeps acting like a total player texting me and posting pics of him and his girlfriend on facebook. I tell him “u know what? Let's just leave it up to here and pretend nothing ever happened. It was a moment of weakness for both of us.”

    He starts like begging me, and about 2 weeks later he's like “Let's hang out and go for a beer”.

    BTW, this guy is a single father and has full custody of his 7 month old babyboy. SO we're hanging out and he tells me he's having all these issues with the girlfriend, she's demanding more time for her, and was giving him a hard time about the whole baby thing. Anyway, we talked about a bunch of things and kissed again.

    Fast forward to early December, I went to Chicago for the 1st week of December to my best friend's wedding, I come back home and the guy begins skyping me and asking where I was, why did u go, etc etc, he sounds like all worried and stuff. Mid december: he starts skyping me again, and tells me he broke up with the girlfriend for good ‘cuz she drinks too much, and is not a good role model for his kid, too many arguments, blah blah blah.

    It's been 2 days since the break-up and right there he asks me to start dating him and hang out, and I'm like “Sorry, but I'm not gonna be rushed into a relationship.”

    Anyway, I explained all my reasons to him, suggested he takes some time off for himself, etc etc, and 2 days later after that one conversation I find out he goes back to the girlfriend.

    So I don't get it. It's like he realizes she's not good for him nor his kid, but still goes back to her? I'm so confused! So I'd appreciate ur feedback/perspective about this whole thing.

    BTW, never had sex with this guy ;)

    I want an honest opinion about the whole thing. THANKS!!!!!

  • Martin
    Post count: 250

    Hi Heather and welcome to the site.

    On the surface, it sounds like this guy is desperate to have a companion, be it you or his current girlfriend (despite her supposed shortcomings). Think of it like someone who has a Mother Complex. The need to have someone around and some guys simply don't cope all that well by themselves – he's probably feeling this too by having to also raise a small child.

    So he's seen a far better opportunity come along with you and is looking to switch partners – moving up to a better choice.

    Now this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just is what it is.

    That said, you need to go in with your eyes wide open. Take it real slow and feel your way, ensuring a relationship with him and his son is really right for you.

  • Heather
    Post count: 0

    I agree with u.

    I think that given the fact he's a single dad and is taking care of the baby all by himself he's basically desperate. But, if he thinks she's not a good “role model” for the kid/ good relationship companion for him why did he go back to her anyway? I mean I guess if he really wanted better than that, then he would've settled for something “better”, am I wrong?
    do u think he's actually interested?
    Could u elaborate on that?

  • Martin
    Post count: 250

    I think he's stuck in a difficult situation actually.

    Yes, I think he's interested you.

    In some circumstances though, people have to accept a less than ideal situation than they'd ideally prefer. I think that's where he is now – with the current girlfriend. He needs the support, despite her being what he'd prefer.

    So he's trying to extract himself from that while still having to keep a lifeline. He obviously needs to be mindful that he's raising a little boy, in all this.

    That said, you need to make sure you're entering a relationship, including the boy, that is going to work for you in the long term too.

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