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Currently I am seeking for non-public advice and am hoping you can help?
I've been seeing this guy for 8 months. We are both in our late thirties.
He is married, left his wife to be with me (we have been friends for 5 years). He has his own place. Although, we've been together for almost 7 months now, he hasn't filed for a divorce and this concerns me.
Each month he tells me he will file but comes up with an excuse like he cant afford to hire a lawyer, although he and his wife have no children together and share no financial assets.
Today I learned that he was going to play a show out of town. He's going in a van with all his musical band members and all their girlfriends to play a show and party back at a motel overnight but did not invite me. Finding this out, bummed me out and so I broke up with him because although i love him, the uncertainty of not knowing where I stand in his life is too overwhelming.
I also feel guilty that he left his wife to have a relationship with me (we dated for a month before he left her). He says he loves me (cooks for me, spends the weekends with me, and we have a great connection) but I question if he'll ever truly file for a divorce (am I being strung along for sex)?
Do you feel I made the right decision by ending my relationship with him? Thanks.
Any feedback, insight would be fantastic!
Some guys have a certain dependency and comfort in a marriage, despite the impression they might give that it's ending. While this might not be the case here, it sounds from what you describe that he's keeping you private, to a certain degree.
When you say ‘spends the weekends', does that mean he's staying overnight too or is he going back home to the wife? Either way, if he can go away with his mates and their girlfriends, it's likely he has his wife convinced with various excuses and reasons. She might be totally oblivious to all his goings on.
On face value, he sounds like a ‘player' i.e. finding sex, freedom and time away as well as retaining the comfort of a married home life.
I'd suggest you've taken the right course in breaking it off until he convincingly changes to view your relationship as more than some fling and takes it seriously. Players pray on women that are looking for a relationship – those women get used for sexual gratification until they realise that fact, get dumped and the player moves onto other prey.
Ensure you're not one of these women and insure you seek something more in the man you want to have in your life.
And he turned out to be an absolute arsehole. A player like Martin mentioned. Though it wasn't until I woke up to the fact that I was just a sextoy to him and he had so many interests outside of our relationship that I wasn't involved in. I suspected he had other women on the side as well.
Live and learn. I learnt the hard way LOL but at least I did and got out. Just be aware of who it is you're involved with.
Thank you Martin for your quick response/feedback. I really appreciate it. To fill you in with a little more detail: He is not living with his wife. He moved out a month after we went out on a date together and agreed we both had feelings for one another. We've spent a great deal of time with one another – sometimes at his apartment, sometimes at mine, (not too much in public). He claims to have sent divorce paperwork to his wife to fill out but she keeps stalling because she is angry and hurt (due to his affair), and rightfully so.
Hello Kitty, you are probably correct as he complained his wife was boring in bed. 7 months, no filing for divorce… I have learned my lesson. It hurts. I believed him – same old story.