Interested or just being friendly???

  • Author
  • Genuinely Confused
    Post count: 5
    #15804 |

    Brace yourself, I wrote a lot…. :) …. :

    I met this guy 3 weeks ago at a social event for professionals. It was my first time going to an event hosted by this group and I was exceedingly nervous as most of these people were exceptionally well educated and accomplished professionals in their respective fields. So I spent a majority of the event speaking to a few people. I noticed a guy circulating between groups talking to people across the room; and while that wasn't strange considering the event, it was a bit odd that he kept glancing at me. I brushed it off and kept chatting with a few women until he came over and started talking to us. From the moment he asked me my name, I was the focal point of his onslaught of inquiries, to the point where the women I were speaking with prior to his arrival, left. He asked me questions about my education, about my studies, if this my first time at a group event, etc; his questions were a bit random and varied but he managed to ask them while smiling and making jokes about how difficult it was to pronounce my name as well as my penchant for acquiring numerous degrees.

    When I finally got a chance to ask him a question about what he does, I heard as much as engineer in a firm he helped create, and before he could elaborate more or I could inquire further, some random guy appeared and interjected in our conversation because he needed to introduce the guy I was talking to, to someone else. Suffice it to say, the moment he started laughing and talking about, literally rocket science (i.e. aerospace engineering), I took it as my cue to depart. I went back to speaking with the few women from earlier, while I watched him being passed from one social group to the next. Towards the end of the event, as he was walking towards the exit, he turned to me and waved. He told me he had to leave and he apologized for earlier and that he wanted to continue our conversation later. But all I got out was a measly “okay” before a literal group of five people surrounded him and usher him out.

    We became facebook friends, I initiated it because my profile was private and I doubt he could find me (my name is difficult to spell after all lol). He has nearly, I kid you NOT, two thousand (2000) “friends” on facebook (personally I think that's a lot). So obviously I am dealing with a very sociable person here.

    He doesn’t contact me. The next event took place 1 week ago. I go to the event, by now I know a few more people. It’s a networking event, we have an icebreaker activity, and we then soon have another activity. I opt out of the second activity to instead grab some lunch and sit with a friend (it was 2pm, and I didn’t feel like speaking on an empty stomach). As soon as I finished my lunch, and disposed of my garbage into a receptacle, he walked over. He tells me it’s been 2 weeks since we last spoke, and he asks me how I’m doing. I’m a bit shocked that he remembered and I say yes it has been, I’m well, how are you, etc. I then remind him that we didn’t get to finish our prior conversation; and that I still don't know what he does. Well he starts teasing me about how he told me and I merely forgot, but I honestly didn’t know the extent of his occupation other than he was an engineer in a company he helped create. So he explains to me for a few minutes about what he does, and we talked very briefly about it before…yes, that’s right, yet another person comes and interrupts the conversation. And then…yes, you guessed it, yet another person comes. Suddenly four people surround us and I become a bit overwhelmed lol. I get it’s a networking event, its bound to happen but our conversation quickly fizzles. He ended up being surrounded by people throughout the evening and I ended up speaking with a few people. Then…A doctor I know decided to come to the event, but he came late. We’ve known each other for a few years so we’re quite good friends. So the doc and I are sitting and chatting together and I can see the engineer dude, watching us. Doc notices this as well, and realizes he knows the engineer. So doc gets up and walks over to the engineer and they engage briefly in conversation. Doc comes back sits besides me, I remark nonchalantly that that was a quick conversation, and he tells me that the engineer is leaving as he has to go out.

    Even though we haven’t spoken for very long I like him, and I decide to make conversation with him. I send him a msg saying that if he’s not busy at the next event I’d like to hear more about his business specifically with regards to starting one as I am interested in starting one within my field (which is true). So he tells me he’ll put me on a list for an entrepreneurial event occurring soon and said we can chat there. I say great, but the next day I contact him and tell him I can’t make it because I forgot I have a prior engagement. He asked me if I could come by his office, I said sure, so he tells me to pick a day and a time, I do and he tells me that day is not good for him since he’s usually busy, so I say I just need a few minutes of your time (since he’s so busy). So he tells me “maybe we can grab lunch?” so I said, okay.

    Little did I know, on a busy day, that lunch with him meant lunch with a three other people as well. It was fine because in the end he told those three other people that he needed to speak to me privately and while we walked towards the restaurant and as we left the restaurant walking towards his office (I was just going in that same direction), those three other people kept a good five feet walking distance from us.

    It was by far the most bizarre experiences I’ve ever had talking with a guy.

    We’re walking and people on the street, would stop us and start talking to him, and he would respectably stop and chat w/them for a minute before we moved on.

    The conversation itself varied.

    When we were walking to the restaurant he asked me about what it is that I want to do, and it is here where he offered his advice. While we were leaving the restaurant he again, inundated me questions, this time about my life; asking me about my immediate family, what their occupations were, how many siblings I have; asking about what my future plans were; what I want to do now; asking about why I got into my current field, why I didn’t stick with the other field, how old I was (after he heard I wrote a book, did a few degrees from ivy league colleges and graduated early, I think he asked me my age out of curiosity for accomplishing so much in such a small time frame), where do I live, and how do I get from where I live to the city.

    As we got closer to his office, he asked me if I would like a tour. I said sure, I went up and he gave me very brief tour. He wanted to introduce me to his co-founder (since his co-founder and I both had degrees in the same field), but I had to leave.

    Leaving was almost as awkward as the convo we had while walking towards his office. He told me it was nice to see me again, he was smiling and telling me if I ever need advice in business I can ask him anytime. There was an awkward moment, where we both had to leave (I had to go, and he had to give an interview) and neither of us knew how to say goodbye, so I stuck my hand out and he shook it; I told him it was nice to see him again and then he told me, that he looks forward to seeing me at the next event (although no event is schedule until possibly next month).

    Am I thinking too much into it? Is he just a really friendly guy who is not interested? I've never met a guy so… charming, sophisticated, kind, and educated before. I can see why he's so popular and busy in general, but perhaps I'm just over thinking this. Either way, any thoughts you can shed would be most appreciated.

    Genuinely Confused

  • Martin
    Post count: 250

    Well, it does sound more like he's well known, knowledge and a Supporter profile like myself i.e. always willing to help others and that tends to make you a person people seek out for advice.

    So you might well be reading too much into it if he hasn't made ‘a play' for your non-work attentions which he hasn't from what you explain.

    BUT …. you're interested, aren't you? Fess up, you obviously are. It's your turn to actually find out whether there is potential and if he's available for a date. You don't know this yet and that's the first personal area to be covered.

    You need to break out of the daytime hussle that he's caught in. You know where he works so go give him a call. You'll need a tough of dutch courage for the next part. Ask him out to dinner and be honest about you finding him interesting and would like to get to know him better. At this point, you'll certainly know if he in interested as well as available.

    Scared yet? Don't be. Modern times, modern woman (that doesn't mean an easy woman either).

  • Martin
    Post count: 250

    Now we're all waiting for an update :)

  • Genuinely Confused
    Post count: 5

    Hi Martin,

    My apologies for the late response, I've been a bit busy with work recently.
    First let me say, thank you for the advice. I appreciate your thoughts and opinion on this rather ambiguous matter. I haven't had a chance to implement it but I don't think I need to anymore.

    I think he was just being friendly. I saw him (henceforth “him” will be referred to as “Engineering dude”) this Friday, at a social gathering, sitting on a couch, surrounded, once more by at least 4 people. One of whom, was a guy I met last week via the Engineering dude.

    There was an empty seat next to the Engineering dude, so I went and sat next to him. We exchange pleasantries, he then tell's me about this big event in July and he tells me to come (yes, he didn't ask, he told me, he said “Oh I'm having this event, on such and such date, come, ok?”). I said sure, I'll come. So he tells me, again, remember its such and such date. I say okay sure I'll be there.

    Some new guy comes by and shakes his hand after talking for a few seconds, Engineering dude invites him to the event as well. Then!! Engineering dude, tells me he has to go, that he'll see me around.

    He gets up, and starts walking around the room meeting people.

    It was…weird. Compared to the last three times we've met where he cant stop talking, this, getting up and leaving was kinda unexpected. And I looked so good on Friday!! Seriously, I looked soooooo good; such that the guy I met last week via Engineering dude, asked me to go out dancing with him, after Engineering dude had left to circulate, that very night!! lol He wasn't the only one, a few other guys asked me out on Friday as well, but as you can tell from this long message, I was interested in just one guy. The other guys are nice; they all gave me their numbers to call them.

    If that wasn't, a bit awkward, Engineering dude's sister (who I met last week for a few minutes) meets me, later that afternoon, and we talk for an hour and a half!!! About what? Well everything there is possible to know with regards to my personal life (e.g. what is my family and extended family like?; is there drama btwn relatives due to our close proximity?; am I the next person to get married in my family; etc)!

    However, she did at least have the courtesy to answer the same questions she asked me. Which made it seem a little less awkward and somewhat normal… =/

    They're Indian, but I'm not; I'm multiracial and even though Indian is one of the races involved in my ancestry, I was a bit surprised by her inquiries. I don't know many Indians, or females (I have a lot of guy friends) so I started wondering is this type of questioning, typical for Indian women or just all women in general? lol

    Anyway, I guess that's the end of that! I might call the Engineering dude's friend, since he at least shows visible interest in me.

    Thanks for your help Martin!!! :)

  • Genuinely Confused
    Post count: 5

    Hey Martin!

    Remember the guy I mentioned on this thread??

    I thought we were friends but I don’t know what happened. He’s been acting weird!!!

    Friday I was busy doing work, when he walked over waving his hand in front of my face, asking me what i’m doing, etc. So I stop what i’m doing to talk to him. Then Saturday, I see him at a party, I walk over to speak with him, and he blatantly ignores me; I compliment him on his attire, and he gives me a brushed off generic remark about my own attire. I try to introduce him to my friends, he says hi how are u and then ignores them.

    I get upset, but my friend tells me not to totally ex-communicate him, as he knows a ton of people and it would be great to have him as a resource to meet other people, specifically guys.

    So Monday he and I are texting each other, and I jokingly say to him that he should create a singles mixer event since he’s soooo good at creating events, he knows a TON of guys and because I’m finding it difficult to meet single guys. He laughs. I teasingly say come on buddyyyy, then he starts ranting about how the social events he creates are to build community, if people who are single should meet at these events thats great, but he’s not about to create a singles mixer. I apologize and tell him I was just joking.

    An hour later I’m talking to a mutual friend of ours and when I tell my friend about the idea of a singles mixer, he said thats great, he would love to do it. I texted him and tell him that our mutual friend is going to do it. He says tell me how it goes. I said wont you be coming? He said no, he’s not single. I said oh I’m sorry, I had no idea. He said it’s okay, a lot of people think that just because your friendly, that your single or looking.

    A few hours later, I receive an email saying that someone sent me a msg from a dating website I joined a while back. So I log in just to see what it says. I reply to the msg, and in the corner I notice a section called ”matches” so I click on it.

    Lo and behold, there the guy is!! His pics and profile is in my matches section. I can’t believe it! So I click on the profile and I see that the last time he logged on was August 14th, literally a week ago!

    He lied to me! I send him a text and ask him why he’s on that website. He laughs and asks me why i’m interrogating him like a detective. I said i’m not interrogating i’m just curious because your profile came up as a match for me on that website. He said you kinda are (interrogating), I don’t discuss my private life much. I said i’m sorry, and just forget I even asked.

    Why did he have to lie to me? First he gets offended by the singles mixer idea, then he tells me he has a girlfriend, and then I find out online he says he’s single and looking.

    I don’t understand why he had to lie; any ideas why he might have lied?

  • Martin
    Post count: 250

    Well, to be honest, people are different on the inside to what you see from the outside, looking in.
    He might ‘appear' pleasant and the life of the social gathering but that certainly doesn't mean he is a good and honest person, on the inside.

    For all you know, he's a well-heeled player on these dating sites and would prefer to keep his dating activities completely seperate to his outwardly social life. Kinda sounds that way, doesn't it?

    Your first real glimpse on his behaviour isn't going all that well. That's a black mark already.
    How romantically interested in this guy are you?

  • Mitch
    Post count: 16

    He sounds like a well practised liar and, as Martin suggests, a player too. Not sure he would be my first choice as a partner, if I was a woman.

  • Genuinely Confused
    Post count: 5

    Well I'll be!! I had no idea, thanks for the insight Martin and Mitch.

    I am not romantically interested in him at all. His behavior back in July solidified my decision to remain uninterested.

    I was just curious about his recent behavior; it was weird to see this side of him. He always portrays himself as a nice guy, and the fact that he acted this way with me on Monday made me wonder, why.

    I can assure you Mitch, he was and still is NOT an option for being a partner.

    Thank you both for your time and thoughts! I appreciate it!! :)

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