[Rohith February 6, 2012 at 12:19 pm Post count: 0]

#4902 |

I have been dating this girl for about nine months now and we are in big trouble.

We met in 2007 in Bangalore.

She was just coming into my high school from her old school in Muscat, Oman, to study in the 11th grade and I had just passed out and was starting college (I am a mechanical engineer). I am a middle class guy who never has spending cash. Also I am only 5'7″ tall. She is very rich. Though originally a Bangalorean, her parents are both doctors in Muscat. And she is 5'9″. She did show some interest in me back then, but I thought she was way out of my league and didnt ask her out. She started dating someone else and I too dated this other girl.

We both dated these people for 3 and a half years.
Finally, in February 2011, we met again and fell madly in love.
By April we had decided that we need to be together no matter what.
By May I got my acceptance letter to do my Masters in USC in LA, California. Sigh.
We were amazing together, we spent every waking moment together and even lost our virginity to each other.

As soon as I left, she flipped out. She started breaking up with me and coming back to me very regularly. She said she has a tendency to do this, so I just stuck with her. Life was very hard when I first came here and she made it infinitely harder. But I love her, so I just stuck with her. All this took a toll on me though. I am a short tempered man. I started being acerbic at times. I might have said some horrendous things. By this January, we were almost done. I still wanted to do us, with every fiber in my body. But she wanted out at any cost. One week ago, she broke up with me and blocked me on all social networking sites and on her phone.

I lost my mind. She left me alone for a few days.
During these days I started talking to my ex again.
I told my ex about my problems with my present girlfriend and I was explicit in describing the emotional trauma that she caused me. Now my present girlfriend came back to me, and asked me out. She said she wants to start off with a clean slate. I was overjoyed. I went to bed. I woke up to my girlfriend calling me and crying hysterically. She had read all the chats between my ex and me. She hates me now. She argued with me saying that she didn't do those things, I argued too accusing her, blaming her and making her cry.

Perhaps too much damage has been done.
I want her back though, I want to make it work.
I will be going back to Bangalore in May for three months.

What do I do? Should I stop contacting her?
I have apologized a lot of times after that. She is being quite cold.

[MartinKeymaster February 6, 2012 at 12:34 pm Post count: 250]

#4904

Hi Rohith,

Wow, that's some story of emotional turmoil. By the sounds of things, you both have relatively short fuses which fire off quickly. And that appears to happen due to communication issues that you both have.

You should understand that confiding in an ex-girlfriend, in hindsight, was an error in judgement since you both have a history of ending the relationship and quickly reigniting again. On again, off again.

To be blunt and honest, you both need to spend some alone time and really concentrate on the best way you convey thoughts and conversation between each other. Men and women do this differently and it sounds like you still need to find this out, between the two of you.

Be calm, think about the goals you need to achieve to move forward and contact your girlfriend. That might take a bit of continued effort but keep trying and, again, remain calm.

Convey your sorrow in contacting an ex-girlfriend – that's a error you'd like to un-do but can't. Explain to her where you'd like to go with your relationship and ask what her views are in the relationship moving forward. Ask to get some quiet time with her so you both can better understand how each other needs to communicate as that seems to be a current stumbling that you both need to overcome.

Make sense? Ask away with further questions.

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