Keeping the Magic Alive (and Growing) in Your Relationship
Most people (maybe everyone) starts out in a relationship filled with hope, passion and enthusiasm.
Once you start looking at relationships, one thing becomes very obvious
There’s a fuel that drives things forward and has us looking forward to each moment we are together with our new partner.
We make plans for the future, hang out together and generally have a great time.
Terrible Relationship Statistics
Yet statistically, our relationship has a very poor chance of survival.
After the ‘honeymoon’ period is over we either settle into a routine which is comfortable at best, if not necessarily happy.
At worst, we decide to call it quits and have a breakup of the relationship, usually with a fair bit of pain and sadness.
The Few Survivors
This is the reality for most relationships.
But there are a small percentage of couples who actually not only stay together, but for whom the relationship gets better (not worse) with time.
Most of us have met a couple like that; even after ten years of marriage they will still be all over each other.
They’re the sort of couple whose children say about them, “Get a room!”.
So what is it that these couples are doing that makes them different from most people?
How are they managing to buck the trend and keep the magic and sizzle going?
Why aren’t they like the rest of us and getting bored with each other?
After all, after a certain period of time, they must know everything about each other and find things pretty predictable.
What’s really going on?
Try These Relationship Tips
Relationships are a funny aspect of our lives, in the sense that we tend to treat them in quite a different way to anything else.
With our health, our career, our finances and our personal development we generally realize that if we want to achieve a result we need to
- set a goal;
- create a plan to achieve it;
- try different things and see what works and what doesn’t;
- when we find something that works, keep doing it until we get the result we want, and
- realize that to maintain the result we have to keep doing what works.
But the strange thing is, we don’t do any of this in our relationships.
We hope to somehow ‘magically’ attract the ideal mate (even if we’re not sure what we really want) and then to live happily ever after.
Using the above sequence of steps it becomes clear on what to do if we really want to have an intimate relationship that truly is fulfilling for us, and which keeps growing and developing over time.
Firstly, we need to decide what we really want.
What are the qualities we want in a partner?
What do we want our relationship to look like?
And, just as importantly, how much of a priority do we want to make a relationship in our life?
Creating Ideal Relationships
Next, how are we going to create that ideal relationship?
If we’re already in one, what are we going to do to get or keep it on the track we want towards our goal?
Once you start looking at relationships, one thing becomes very obvious: the reason most people stop having a relationship that is fresh, exciting and continually growing is because they stop doing all the things they used to do early on in their relationship!
It is a very good idea to make a list of all the things you used to do with and for your partner that gave the both of you pleasure.
You’ll find that most of them are simple things – giving them a call during the day while you’re at work, patting them on the arm or touching them in a certain way, cuddling on the couch, sharing new things together, talking over dinner and asking each other questions rather than watching television.
Start making your relationship the most important thing in your life, as it was when you first met, and just watch the magic come back.
Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion
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Here’s what you can do next:
- What’s one thing you’ve done to kickstart your relationship towards improvement?
- Is your relationship more important than anything else?
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And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
7 thoughts on “Keeping The Magic Alive”
Hey, a wonderful article, Liam.
But what if your boyfriend is non-plussed by goal setting?
Like, we’re really serious and I’d love to get an idea where we’re both going but he isn’t interested at all in setting any plans or that’s what he’s telling me.
Any advice in getting that going?
Love to hear your thoughts and thanks
If you are into goal setting and your boyfriend isn’t, I think you need to look closely at whether or not your values are aligned enough for a successful long term relationship. Unfortunately many times we try to make a relationship work when we have a completely different outlook and expectations for life. You’ll only be truly happy when you live to your highest values. It’s not an easy thing to say, but it’s worth thinking about!
Well, I was more interested in ways to convey the importance of goals to a guy that probably hasn’t yet understood those reasons.
I think it might be a little strong a suggestion that because one partner isn’t into goals that the relationship is potentially doomed. A bit harsh don’t you think?
There are many books that you could introduce him to on the subject. Anthony Robbins’ “Awaken the Giant Within” is a classic.
Not trying to sound harsh. However, I haven’t seen a relationship really work in the long term where the values of the 2 people weren’t aligned. It’s a question that needs to asked.
I came across this by chance and can I say what an excellent article. Of course one of the things people stop doing in their relationship is keeping their sex life new and exciting. This is the one thing I have found with couples who try swinging – it actually helps them develop more intimacy in their relationship. This might be a controversial statement but nevertheless I have found it to be true.
Thanks for the comment, Mike.
While I think most people appreciate everyone else's opinions on this site, the reference to 'swinging' is probably a little out of context concerning this post. There's a great many things people can do toy rekindle a flagging sex life other than swinging too.
Could I suggest you actually write a guest post of your own on the pro's and con's of swinging since you think it's such a controversial subject when it comes to relationship advice and/or help?
What do you say?
I'd be delighted to! Thank you. I'll send you something soon. I note your conditions are that it be unique content so it will be.
PS You'll note from my website I have written a book on the subject called, How To Turn Your Partner Into a Swinger. It's not as controversial as the title suggests; it's really about how a couple can strengthen their relationship so that swinging and other sexual adventure becomes a natural outcome. If you'd be interested in reviewing it please let me know.