arguing can be healthy in a relationship

Are They Break-Up Arguments Or Make-Ups?

As much as I try to make things as smooth and as a healthy relationship as I’d hope them to be, I make mistakes and have never considered it a breakup moment when having arguments – there’s no such thing as a relationships expert.

It’s all in the trying and the doing.

When things get really tough, it can be a break-up or a make-up situation.

Yesterday, I said some things I shouldn’t have to my partner.

They were said in utter frustration from my point of view – in the heat of the moment.

And I knew as soon as I said it, it was wrong and regrettable.

Things got a little worse before they got better too. The takeaway for me was a number of things that, hopefully, might help you.


Understanding Arguments

never consider it a breakup moment when having arguments
Breakups and Arguments are caused by a lack of understanding
….and acceptance. Think again

When you look at the dynamics of a so-called ‘healthy relationship’, it obviously involves two people.

And they always view the world through their own rose-colored glasses.

That is to say, their view of the world (including you) is always influenced by their own historical environment.

That history will be flavored by a past relationship breakup, (potentially) relationship counseling, maybe marriage problems as well as even how they were brought up by their Mum and Dad, from a morals point of view.

What am I saying with all this? Well, your perception of one event will be different to your partner simply as their understanding and subsequent judgment will be different.

I’m as guilty as the next guy/gal for failing to give a better level of understanding to my partner.

The result was something that took me by surprise as well as plunging us both into an unnecessary argument.

That’s relationship tip #1


The Relationship Guide To The Small Stuff

What’s the relationship guide?

‘Don’t sweat the small stuff, in a nutshell.

Let’s take a look at the holistic level.

You’re in a loving partnership, with someone you totally admire, respect and trust. A break-up shouldn’t enter your mind, should it?

Those are lofty claims, aren’t they?

Yet, typically, this person you’d trust with your life is thrust into a protracted and negative situation due to something as innocuous as leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to wash up a few dishes.

Is this making any sense yet?

These insignificant events will be typically influenced by our own blocks, barriers, and history.

Something like the toilet seat being left up will be oblivious to your partner – since they will likely see it from their view of the world as trivial and, probably, also irrelevant.

So in a healthy and vital relationship, wouldn’t the better course of action be to move to a sphere of acceptance?

If you need some further detail to get you to acceptance, then open your mouth and talk to your partner.

Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships

One of the most challenging mindsets for me is simply knowing that arguments are in fact a normal component of a healthy relationship.

Within the actual arguments situation, that knowingness goes out the window, and frustration and other negative energy, unfortunately, creeps in.

A healthy marriage needs that knowingness.

This is a personal education task.

I’m always looking inside myself for improvement.

  • Analyzing.
  • Personal growth.
  • Self-improvement.
  • Becoming a better man, a better husband, a better friend, and a partner.

Sometimes I fall over.

I see the important part being where I want to be and who I want there with me, sharing my life.


Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion on Arguments in a Relationship?

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  • What’s one thing you’ve learned about arguing?
  • Do you have your own experience where it’s been a good thing?
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And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Even Healthy Relationships Have Arguments 1

Enjoying newly found freedoms in South-East Asia, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let’s start there, OK?

Martin Cooney – who has written posts on GeekandJock.

One thought on “Even Healthy Relationships Have Arguments”
  1. Well-written post. I agree that arguing is a normal (and I'd add necessary) component of a healthy relationship. The key is knowing BEFORE things get heated up, that no one person "wins" an argument. It's only a "win" if it's done together, and that takes compromise. I'm a fellow blogger, writing about love and relationships, and just posted today, "6 Reasons why no one ever wins an argument". Would love your thoughts:

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