how to understand the first date better

Ever Wondered What’s Going Through Their Minds?

First dates are always nerve wracking.


  • What do you wear?
  • Where do you go?
  • What topic of conversation should we talk about?
  • What if there’s no chemistry?
  • What if we don’t get along?
  • Who should pay for the dinner or drinks?

The first thing to do is calm down.

Everyone is nervous and anxious on a first date, and everyone wants the first date to go well.



For the first date, pick a public location such as a coffee shop or a place that serves drinks or desserts.

This serves a two-fold purpose.

It’s a public place where you can both feel safe, and it’s a short date.

If you don’t feel comfortable staying after the first drink and some polite conversation, you’re free to excuse yourself.



Take the time to dress nicely.

You don’t need to wear an evening gown or a three-piece suit, but you need to take the time to dress well.

This could mean a new pair of jeans or trousers and a button down shirt for guys.

For women, it could mean a nice blouse and a good pair of jeans.

You just want to look clean and presentable.


Who Pays?

who is paying the tab
Who is paying is always going through your mind, on a date

A date should never involve “Going Dutch.”

Friends pay for themselves.

This means that the man pays, or the person asking pays.

The same can be said for coupons and discounts.

While frugality is great for married couples and long term partners, it has no place on a first date.

The last thing you want to do is come off cheap.



The days of chivalry may be long past, but that doesn’t mean women don’t appreciate it.

Go ahead and open the door for her, pull out her chair and compliment her on her appearance.

Doing these things will help set you both at ease, and it will show that you are a true gentleman.

the benefits of chivalry might surprise you
The benefits of chivalry might surprise you



Take the time to think of conversation topics beforehand.

In the digital age, this is as simple as looking up their online profile and reading.

Find out your date’s interests and talk about those topics, but don’t forget to talk about yourself.



Everyone hopes for a connection when they go on a date, but sometimes there’s no chemistry and no connection.

If that’s the case, be polite, drink your drink and end the date on a neutral note.



It is completely unacceptable to argue on the first date.

Even if you don’t agree with your date’s opinions and statements, don’t start an argument.

Instead, politely change the topic to something that is less likely to provoke an emotional response.

A little difference of opinion however can be seen as chemistry, so even if you do not have exactly the same world view it does not mean all is lost.

Just make sure it is not about something that in the long term could become difficult and that you have both taken the banter in good humour and spirit.


Ending The Date

Ending a date can be just as awkward as starting it, but you can ease the transition by watching for cues from your date.

If the date went well, go ahead and instigate a light kiss or hug.

Ask if she’d like to see you again and schedule the next date.

If there was no real chemistry or connection then remain polite, simply thank your date for the company and drinks or dessert and go on your way.

Another friend is not a loss even if things did not turn out how you might have expected them to.


Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion

Nice to see you made it this far so here’s what you can do next:

  • So what’s your opinion on ‘Who Pays’?
  • Do you think chivalry is really dead and buried?
  • Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then read this article too.

And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

First Dates - What Guys and Gals Are Thinking? 1

Sarah currently works for Lovestruck and completely understands the nerves that people get when they experience first dates. It can be scary and intimidating but with a positive attitude, you might form a special bond.

Sarah – who has written posts on GeekandJock.

16 thoughts on “First Dates – What Guys and Gals Are Thinking?”
  1. This is great advice. A very interesting article. Dating can be an awkward topic, for many, and this answers a lot of questions. I generally don’t go out on dates with anyone I’m not interested in already, but this was a great read. Thanks!

  2. This is such a nice post to read and it’s great that people in this era get to read such stuff; unlike at the time we started dating ;) Thanks for sharing.

  3. This is a good guide for people going on first dates. This can be tricky always and people, specially youngsters freak out sometimes. One should not make a big fuss about it and should rather take it a bit easy.

    1. That’s funny, Abhishek – youngsters freak out sometimes ???
      I’ve only ever found them freaking out ALL the time :)
      Does this look good? Should I wear this or this blah blah. It takes a few hours just to find what to wear :)

  4. Totally agree that everyone is nervous before and during the first date. Special thanks for raising the question of who pays for the dinner and drinks. To be honest, I usually expected a man to pay. I am glad that you post shares the same position.
    For those girls who think that they should pay if they had asked the boy out, I would highly recommend the movie “He Is Just Not That Into You”. This movie is rather inspiring and gives answers to the question of whether girls should ask boys out.

    1. I haven’t seen the movie “He Is Just Not That Into You”, Julie but personally, I think it’s silly to not ask someone out, just based on your gender.
      If you never ask, you’ll never know. Better to discover early and if it isn’t a good fit, move on and get the person you truly want and who wants you.
      Time is a wasting.

  5. Manners is really important to me especially on a first date. This one time on a first date my date let off a really loud fart and didn’t apologies or acknowledge it. I was a bit shocked but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to embarrass him, though he didn’t seem preturbed by it. So I let it go.

    Ten minutes later he did it again as I was biting into my slice of pizza. Again nothing, he just kept talking without as much as looking away. Needless to say I made up an excuse to avoid a second date.

    1. Had to have a giggle there, Angel.
      I was expecting to read ‘This one time … at band camp…’ :)
      Yeah, the old farting on a first date can be embarassing if unintentional. Doesn’t seem like it was in your case though so that’s bad form. Glad you ditched to guy for bigger and brighter things.

  6. Nice comprehensive guide for calming the nerves before a first date. It can be really nerve-wracking.
    Great song, was a huge hit in Russia

    1. Thanks so much for the comment and visit, Mike.
      Whether you’re a guy or gal, it can be tough getting past the first date nerves, can’t it?
      In your experience, what’s the area that most people tend to overlook though?

      1. Hmm.. well I suppose people tend to invest too much of themselves in a first date. Idyllically it should be approached in a more calm manner, because as you mentioned, you aren’t obligated to connect and if you don’t that’s fine, there will be someone in the future.
        I guess it’s important to relax and be yourself because that’s going to be revealing your genuine self to a potential mate. You may meet someone who’s great for you, but by behaving like a bundle of nerves, you’re not yourself and miss that moment of connection.
        Going into it without expectations can calm some of the nerves and set you up for a better emotional connection. I don’t think you can force that, it comes or it doesn’t.
        And if it doesn’t work out, you had your favorite coffee or a nice dinner. It’s not marriage or the end of the world.
        That’s my opinion..perhaps easier said than done though.

  7. Nice info.
    Done in the right order too. I always find myself with a check list of things to do right and the most important is usually think about what I’m doing and don’t over do things. You know what I mean. Don’t be too flashy.

    The date’s chemistry usually determines for me whether and what I do when it comes to the date ending though. I’m not the type to go for the kiss if there isn’t some level of interest on my part. And definitely ask those ending questions otherwise you’ll never ever know :)

    1. Yeah Mitch, much like you I usually had my own checklist when I was dating, as well. When you have those first date jitters, you can often forget things for ‘the prep’.
      Totally get what you say about the chemistry stuff. If its not there, don’t fool yourself that there’s some chance. Have a nice time together and move on to find the right person.

    2. Mitch I agree with you about the chemistry it is important,but for a lot of people you can feel the chemistry the minute you meet a person,and then by the time you go out on your first date you can really feel it.And you try to tell yourself you need to be yourself.sometimes that is hard to do.So you just hope she will like you,and you hope she
      fells the excitement too.I still try to put on a good impression when I go out to dinner with my wife after 39years.

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