black obsidian heart

The Law of Attraction is at Work – Always

The one area I wasn’t radiating was Mindset Path alignment.

The Universe, in it’s entirety, is made of one thing – energy.

The Law of Attraction operates solely on this principle.

The attraction and repulsion of energies that we, as human beings, radiate are working every second of our lives.

Pay Attention!

I’ve used the Law of Attraction in many parts of my life, including dating and relationships and admit the habit has severely slipped in recent years.

But why the admission now?


I’d Been Radiating The Wrong Stuff!

I’ve spoken to many people, over the years, in using a mindmap or a list to crystalise the qualities of the people they desire in their lives.

I used these same techniques in the ‘dating game’ after my 26 year marriage to Vicki ended and was surprised by the effectiveness.

My Ideal Partner Law of Attraction template
Click for Larger View

The Admission Though?

Well, check out my recent Intrinsic Value post to discover back then (and now), I valued and radiated my value as Helper of People.

While my Ideal Partner list had my radar tuned into qualities such as:

  • Similar Likes
  • Desired physical attributes
  • Mental processes
  • Emotional characteristics
  • and Spiritual Understandings

The one crucial area in what I wasn’t radiating and everyone needs to factor in:

  • Mindset Path
    • Wanting to walk with me. Not front or behind but WITH me
Walking with your partner or against the flow?
Walking with your partner or against the flow?



But Opposites Attract As Well

Importantly, there’s another piece to the puzzle to.

Opposites also attract which has nothing to do with what I’m radiating.

It’s an area of discernment which I’ve been oblivious to or chosen to ignore, I’m not sure which.

I was becoming aware of how I could be hurt by my transparent honesty and openness, way back in December 2010 as well – d’oh!

The writing on the wall was always there, for me to see.

But it’s a learning I’ve needed to take on and am moving towards being grateful for, for that’s all I can do.

Be aware of this though.

Helper Focus Attracts a Victim Mentality

Wikipedia defines victim mentality as:

A victim mentality may manifest itself in a range of different behaviors or ways of thinking and talking:

  • Blaming others for a situation that one has created oneself or significantly contributed to. Failing or being unwilling to take responsibility for one’s own actions or actions to which one has contributed or for taking action to ameliorate the situation.
  • Ascribing non-existent negative intentions to other people (similar to paranoia).
  • Believing that other people are generally or fundamentally luckier and happier (“Why me?”).
  • Gaining short-term pleasure from feeling sorry for oneself or eliciting pity from others. Eliciting sympathy by telling exaggerated stories about bad deeds of other people (e.g. during gossip).

People with victim mentality may develop convincing and sophisticated arguments in support of such ideas, which they then use to convince themselves and others of their victim status.

People with victim mentality may also be generally:

  • self-absorbed: unable or reluctant to consider a situation from the point of view of other people or to “walk a mile in their shoes”.
  • defensive: In conversation, reading a non-existent negative intention into a neutral question and reacting with a corresponding accusation
  • stubborn: tending to reject suggestions or constructive criticism from others who listen and care; unable or reluctant to implement the suggestions of others for one’s own benefit.

There’s a lot more at Wikipedia so if you radiate Helping energy, it will be worth your time in discovering the hidden attributes of those that will attract you (not the other way around)


Difficult Lessons and Gratitude

It’s been a tough couple of past months in coming to grips with lessons I needed to understand, rationalise, put behind me and, lastly, let go and be grateful for.

I’ve invested time and energy in visualisations, professional assistance, unbiased friends from around the world, crystals and Reiki Healing. The latter was the trigger I finally needed.

The Death in the Family and Release

On a final note, I choose to remember the most magical time of this relationship, for me, and acknowledge it’s death.

Martin Cooney and Pamela Allen in Bali for the first time
Remember my own magical moment & accept the death

Remember the great time and to not mourn over the coffin.

Blessings and gratitude to the lessons and the learnings.

Black Obsidian crystal time is the next and final step in clearing.

Express your thoughts if you have any, in the comments below.

Helper and Victim Mentality - Law of Attraction at Work 1

Enjoying newly found freedoms in South-East Asia, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let’s start there, OK?

Martin Cooney – who has written posts on GeekandJock.

9 thoughts on “Helper and Victim Mentality – Law of Attraction at Work”
  1. I most definitely fall in the helper category …here’s the thing I don’t want to be in relationship with a victim . I keep attracting them..I have notices I recognize the signs much sooner but what can I do to stop this?

    1. Thanks for your visit and question, Cary.
      By the very nature of ‘opposites attract’, helpers will always attract victims who are looking to latch on.
      It’s something you can’t stop from happening unfortunately. But you can be more discerning with who comes into your life, before you fully open up and wholeheartedly trust them.
      Call it a check sheet of sorts because you already have a list of warning signs – let these be your guide. Helpers have a natural instinct about people so it’s time to trust your gut instinct more than you probably have before.
      I do this now as do many of my friends who are also ‘helpers’ – having a discerning checklist most definitely helps in weeding out the blood-sucking victims.

      Trust your gut, Cary.
      You think you can do this?

      1. First of all thank you for responding… To answer your question yes I know I can do that. With this last experience I was feeling slightly unsettled after the second date. He told a story from his past and it was obvious to me he had told it over and over and he was searching for validation. That he was coming from a victim place 40 years later…I was truthful and told him it bothered me. That I could hold space for the needy part of him as I believe we all have that…but I did not want to be I relationship with someone who functioned from that place….he assured me he did not . Well I don’t need to tell you the rest…story after story..victim . He tended to blame all of his circumstances on everyone and everything. This sends me into teacher mode!! Its hard to find your student sexy …I’m just saying..It’s so frustrating….he told me he understood what being present was on our first date. It became apparent he had no idea. By that time I’m already on date 6 and wondering what made me go past the second date …so I think you are spot my gut!! I knew…I knew it wasn’t a good match. I knew I would end up trying once again to convince someone of what is…ugh!! I swear I’m on dating hiatus …I think I have some more work to do…I would just like to attract someone who understands what I know to be true and isn’t looking for someone to rescue them ….namaste ,,Cary

        1. Wow that story sounds so familiar, Cary

          Trusting your gut is easier said than done. The more you do, the easy it becomes so keep dating at your own pace and trust the gut more and more.

          Finding that special someone just for you is worth the ups and downs.

          After all, life is just one big lesson, isn’t it? Keep learning and being a better person than you were yesterday.

  2. Not all relationships, even good ones, are meant to last for the rest of our lives.

    In the long-run the best thing that can happen with a relationship that has run its course is for it to end. Painful in the short-term, which is why getting help to remember what you want is so helpful. Not to erase the positive memories or even to erase the pain. These can help guide us to the things and people we do treasure.

    Those relationships that do remain often morph with time, evolving as we do.

    So, yes the Law of Attraction is always at work. And yes, it is painful when we lose those close relationships, whether because of the death of the emotions or death of the body.

    It is wonderful to cherish the best moments of all relationships, past and present, as this is partly how we will attract more wonderful moments to cherish.

    1. Hey, thanks for your visit and comment, Sharon. Always cool to hear from another who strongly believes in the Law of Attraction.
      Yeah, though it would have been nice if this relationship had the real qualities I thought I was attracting :) but that’s life and the learning.
      I’ve readjusted and expanded my thoughts and attraction areas to include what I thought Pam actually had and tempered them with this ‘walk with me’ area/s. I’ve been surprised by the number of other people I’ve recently spoken to who fall prey in exactly the same way.
      I’ll continue to cherish the magical times I thought I had and learn from the mistakes.
      Thanks again for your wisdom in this.

  3. You guys were such a beautiful couple in that photo, Martin so it’s one to cherish in your heart. Nothing lasts forever and I hope once you sort out your own inner demons that your life can once again move to a much better place that you deserve. God Bless you and all that you are struggling with.

    1. That’s a picture where I honestly believe we were truly ‘one’, Bella and one I will cherish. Things went South after that and I take your point on nothing lasts forever. I only wished it could have lasted with a touch of effort but anyway, we all need to face our own realities, huh?

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