fix your own personal problems first

Unless You Do Something About It!

You’re never going to attract your ideal partner and here’s why.

Let’s check out the reasons:

  • You’re stuck in your own importance
  • You’re closed-minded
  • You only ‘think you know’ how to communicate with the opposite sex
  • You’ve got secrets that you yourself can’t admit to – let alone being able to willingly share them with an up-and-coming ideal soulmate.
  • You’ll give up on something you’ve never tried before – Especially when you get peer pressure from people who are in the same (and limiting) mindset.


I’m going to show you how to be totally successful in attracting (and keeping) your ideal partner …. providing you have the desire to listen and take action on what I’m about to share with you.

Is That a Deal?


Here’s the Secret ‘Love Life’ Sauce

I’ve used this myself and I’ve taught the method to others – and they’ve had success without even realizing what they’ve done.

This isn’t BS – it will work if you take action.


Step One:

Get Out A Big Sheet Of Paper That Will Fit On Your Kitchen Table


Step Two:

Draw A Circle In The Centre

  • From this circle, draw out at least 7 radiating lines and at the end of each, draw an attached circle
  • Inside the main circle, write the words ‘my ideal partner’
  • Inside the other circles, write the following words
    • Sex
    • Emotional
    • Physical
    • Spiritual
    • Mental
    • … keep adding those core (and important) attributes
ideal partner mindmap beginnings
Start off with the core basics – this is a starting point.
Yours should be a little different, depending on your core values


Step Three:

Expand On These Qualities

As an example, let me give you an idea for the Mental one. But these words need to come from you and what you think are ideal, not mine.

  • Mental
    • No Baggage
    • Intelligent
    • Humour
    • Understanding
    • Independent
    • …. you get the idea?
mental aspect of ideal partner expanded
Do you get the idea?
Now expand on all of them to pinpoint who you’re wanting to meet in your life

Ok, now we’ve got the framework, here comes the real challenge step.


Step Four

  • Expand each second-tier bubble/circle out with at least 2 other bubbles/circles i.e. using the above example, Understanding needs to be expanded upon with at least 2 of its own satellite circles. Ask the question, what does Understanding mean to me?
  • Now expand each of those third-tier circles with at least 1 but hopefully more.

This list will then enable your internal brain network to be the focus on who you actually seek. No longer will you wander through the dating darkness, ending up with less than optimal relationships.


Step Five

  • Revise the list as you progress
    • Nothing in life is set in stone
    • People and goals change
    • Experience shape outcomes and desires
  • Be OK in better understanding yourself
  • If you find an area really isn’t that important to you, cross it off
  • If dating experience slaps you in the face and shows you you’ve forgotten something on your list, go ahead and add to it and expand on it


Step Six


Over To You

Now that we’ve reached the bottom, here’s what you can do next:

  • Did you or do you tend to ‘find that someone’ without a real idea (randomness)?
  • Do you know your own inner values?
  • Do you make lists for any other things, that help you in life?
  • Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then enjoy this article too.

And thanks for reading too – I’ll see you in the comments.

Here’s Why You’ll Never Attract Your Ideal Partner! 1

Enjoying newly found freedoms in South-East Asia, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let’s start there, OK?

Martin Cooney – who has written posts on GeekandJock.

14 thoughts on “Here’s Why You’ll Never Attract Your Ideal Partner!”
  1. Wow this is really interesting. I know most girls (ehem, I’ve had my chance as well) who are constantly striving to attract the right men. Your points are really good, especially because they’re actually honest and realistic, step #5 is my favorite! :)

    1. Thanks Amanda – what is even more amazing is I teach this to clients who want a more personal experience in getting their ideal partner – and it works providing you adjust your internal radar and focus. Unfortauntely most of us just go from one vague notion to another and end up with a crap relationship because that’s what they gave focus to.

      Amazing what the mind can attract into your life … if you want it to.
      So glad you found value, Amanda.
      Oh and do you have a partner in your life right now?

      1. Hi Martin! I totally agree with you about some of us focusing on the wrong persons to be in a relationship with. Sometimes it makes think what a waste of time that is, but if you learn something throughout that crappy relationship, then that’d be fine I guess. At least that’s what I say to myself :D

        Well, there’s one particularly someone special right now but I’m technically currently enjoying singlehood LOL :)

  2. I really like this subject matter; This is just in time for me, although I am not looking right now but it is nice to get a head start. I wish I had this list years ago perhaps I would have landed the Ideal Partner. Sometimes it seem like you are stumbling in the dark hoping to hit the jack pot! I recently converted to being a
    Catholic abd that is going to be a Game Changer for me. The baggage part would certainly play a part in my decision making. Baby Mama Drama, sorry can’t do that one. Yes, sexual will also be important in two ways, I don’t want to jump in bed on the first, second or third date. I want to start off as friends,
    Second, nice if he wanted to know how to please me as I want to please him.
    These are just some of the things I would like in a partner. I realize that no one is perfect and we all have our flaws. Over a period of time we can make some adjustments. The great thing here is now I have the Frame Work of the start of a beautiful relationship.

    1. I love your honesty, Janis and it actually all helps other people to understand their situation too.
      As for being Catholic, it’s not a game changer – it just is and needs to be rolled into who you are and the type of person you need to attract into your life. All is good in the world of Janis.
      Knowing a little bit about you now (and you know this already), your second point on how to please each other is just getting solid foundations of communication so you both know ‘what’s what’, yes?

  3. The title of your post had me formulating what the “cliche” points would be, but I’m pleasantly surprised by the depth of your list. And they are so bang on. Though it shouldn’t come as a surprise as I’ve come to enjoy frequenting your blog because it is fresh. This secret love sauce is a new concept I will need to try with my wife.

    1. You probably guessed, Mike that the title was a bit of a dare.
      You can always attract what you want in life. You just need to be willing to do something different if what you’re doing now isn’t working. Most people won’t allow themselves to venture outside their present comfort zone though.

  4. hahaha well, I’ve had heaps of ideal partners :)
    OK, if you meant long term or permanent Ideal Partners then I guess I’m going to have to use some mindmapping like you point out.
    Really interesting post though.

  5. I haven’t really tried writing down what my ideal partner’s “must-be” attributes or personality should be like. I think it is because whatever we deem to be the ideal partner’s characteristics, it will never come out exactly as we planned or expected it to be, so there is no need to write it down. I agree that people and goals change, and sometimes, we become accustomed to our partner’s good traits and bad traits that we do not mind at all. After all, every one of us is human and are not perfect – being imperfect is what makes life all the more interesting, don’t you think? :)

    1. Oh, quite the opposite, Felicia.
      Maybe I wasn’t clear. It’s not about perfection in another person. It’s about tuning (or retuning) your internal radar to be on the lookout for people more in your ballpark than leaving it all to dumb luck, chance and the potential fallout in discovering the next random person isn’t right for you.

      The process is also very open to modification – I know I added, deducted and modified when traits didn’t make sense or I realised they were unimportant. We’re certainly not constructing a person from preferred DNA here. Fear not, you’ll definitely get an imperfect human being – just one that’s better suited, with a better than average chance of making you both happy.

  6. i loved your posting
    you are right about that, unless we do something to solve that problem it will always be there. taking actions is the best thing we can do to ourselves

    1. Glad you liked the post, Farouk.
      Yeah, deciding who it is we actually want in our lives is an area quite a lot of people simply forget about. Would you go looking to buy a house without a list of areas that make your ideal home? If you don’t, you’ll likely end up making a huge investment in buying a dud.

      Simply put, why don’t we apply the very same logic to our life partner? These easy steps allow you to take control of your life and do that very thing.

  7. A wonderful post. I thoroughly enjoyed flowing with this post. I personally have encountered some of the problems mentioned in the beginning of this post as the reasons for being unable to attract your ideal partner. I am a kind of a stubborn person which often act as a bad point for me. The steps provided by you for finding the right one are fantastic. I myself will indulge in this process to select the right one for me.

    1. Thanks for your frankness and honesty, Aayna.
      It’s interesting that you know you’re stubborn as well as also understand that it’s a potential in being unable to find the right partner for you.

      – Is this ‘stubbornness something you want to be rid of?
      – I’d be interested in helping you with your process of what I describe in the article, if you’d like a sounding board, as well. Feel free to contact me for some assistance, if you’d like.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

you're currently offline