Hugs or Handshake – Connect Better
I watched a movie about Ram Dass yesterday and was jolted back into reality by a simple and innocuous scene where a young fellow gave a 70-year-old wheel-chaired Ram Dass a hug.
Guys can learn a lot from females when it comes to human connection
On the surface of that statement, I can well imagine your thoughts as ‘Well, so what. It’s just a hug. Everybody does that.
What struck me so profoundly was just how connected those two people were at the time.
And, indeed, how connected I was, just viewing the act itself.
I began to ponder exactly why my thoughts were drawn to that hug and how it related to me.
Connect Better Though Touch
Funnily enough, as a man, the hugging act is really a seldom-used method of connection.
Yeah, I understand we might hug our partners.
Do men regularly hug a new business associate?
In fact, most times we meet another man, we hold out our hand to enter into a handshake.
Think about that for a second.
A handshake.
Grab another person’s hand and hold them at a distance away from you and where your heart is.
Jeez, this borders really on being adversarial, if you ask me.
How is that remotely connecting with another human being?
Isn’t a handshake meant to be greeting a new connection, a new person into your life?
Crap.
Women have the secret
This is where we guys can learn a lot from females when it comes to human connection.
The feminine side covers connection and this may well hark back to primitive times when women tended to the family unit with other women in very close contact.
They were all about communication, family, and looking after relationships with the other women.
The men were off hunting and showing superiority and who’s the strongest – man stuff!
Though the real winner here when it comes to connection are women and men need to take heed and roll this quality into our life fabric.
How do you feel when you hug?
I’ve been hugging other guys ever since I joined XL Results Foundation, 6 years ago.
However, it’s usually only with other XL Life Members and that’s simply due to them understanding the connection.
Even the day when I met another male XL Life Member, he immediately shot out his hand for a greeting until I went in for the hug and he instantly remembered and said “Oh yeah, I forgot there we’re in XL” – talk about society and habitual brainwashing.
Handshake or Hug?
Which one do you prefer?
Enjoying newly found freedoms in South-East Asia, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let’s start there, OK?
Martin Cooney – who has written 163 posts on GeekandJock.
I’m a late-sixties grandfather with a very conventional, conservative Anglo-Celtic upbringing with public & physical demonstrations of affection hardly encouraged. I greet my three longest serving loyal male friends, each with a similar background and circumstances, with an embrace. I’ve done so for as long as I’ve been a parent and learned the value of a close physical connection with my children, and now my grand-children. My two sons-in-law accept that is part of my bringing them into our clan and expressing my affection and gratitude for their rôle as husbands to my daughters and warm, loving fathers to my beautiful grandchildren. Hollywood-style air kisses are not welcome. If you don’t feel it, don’t do it at all – no faking, please. There is little to top the joy of a little running person running towards you with arms outstretched for a pick-up and hug, and it can never be forced.
Wow, welcome to the site, David -so wonderful to have your comment too.
Hugs are a funny thing when it comes to guys, I think. Most guys are expected to be going into battle when it comes to business and that tends to carry over into personal life hence the handshake is a way of emotionally distancing them from too close an encounter.
Hugs always win it for me too, like you. It’s a form of close bond which is something we all crave after and draws us closer.
We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth. ~ Virginia Satir
How many are you still getting, Lyka?