Trying to remember the last part of your comment is hard. Only because I feel like I am multitasking my little brains out. Today I tried to do nothing but study and give him space to be with his guys. Tomorrow is mothers day its a sunday that we usually spend together butt due to the holiday He is staying at his house and I at mine with my family. I wont get to see him till next weekend which is fine because of work and all the test I have this week It evens out.
Tonight Has been a roller coaster. I'm Learning saying nothing is so much better than something because I am the one constantly hurt (possibly because I am over thinking and not just being in the moment). Four times the question or discussion of where we will go and what he feels came up. 1st time i got ” I see a future and i love you ” 2nd time (he brought it up ) ” Idk right now i cant put my finger on things even us I'm not sure what it is I want or if we will be here in a while or not” 3rd ( I questioned him because I felt confused and a bit uneasy)” Idk i dont want to talk about it because I just don't know, Maybe we should just not be together Its like i can predict how everything will go and I just don't know anymore… ” After that I let it go stayed silent and shut everything off and tried to put myself back into my studies. 5 minutes later (and through out the whole day) he called and says “I love you so much …. gives kisses, ” so i said (because I am just hurt and frustrated that I am doing everything to make it comfortable for him ) ” I'm just going to play this by ear because Its not permanent it seems” his reply ” babe of course it is i'm not going anywhere don't be upset”. This is confusing and its starting to really hurt. I don't want to give up or pull myself out more than I already have because every time I draw away he calls or texts me and I have hope again. but having that hope and no direction is just super confusing.