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That's a long drawn out situation you've been in so congratulations for riding it out that long!
At the end of the day, you can only put so much of yourself into another person and it's entirely your decision as whether that's going to be good for you, in the long term. You can liken it to a level of mental abuse, if you like. At some point, you need to say ‘enough is enough, I'm unable to live this way and in these conditions' and call it quits.
While it might be tough on your boyfriend to see the relationship end and him carrying on with his son, you've been there in support and guidance, as best you can. A partnership is a two way street – if he's unable to take action and move forward in an area you've been trying to coach him in for so long, then I can only say that you've made the correct decision FOR YOU.