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insecurity taking over our relationship
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I have a few questions.
I will start with the video , I couldn't get it to work i just kept remembering how i felt over and over and it was like a replaying message that i'm upset and unhappy right now. As much as I wanted to think happy thoughts I couldn't I am not sure if i did something wrong of not.I am willing to try it again if you have any suggestions on how to proceed.
I read the book the inner minds of men like you previously suggested although i am not finished with it yet but it seems as though this is only based for maried couples me and my boyfriend have not even gotten to that point yet we are not even engaged yet. And so far the author has never one mentioned how to get past the feeling of miss trust or the feeling that he may be cheating or not loving you as much any more. I will continue on to read the book. I know the book is about women understanding how their men feel but it does not really explain how to tell our men that we feel unloved without making them feel like they are an inadequate partner. The book goes on and on in saying that men thrive on the support from their wife/ significant other and i know personally that I may not give enough of it but i find it hard for me to give enough of it when I my self feel unloved unworthy and neglected.
recently my boyfriend has told me that enough is enough and that I have to trust his and loose my insecurities or else this will never work out. It broke me to hear this from him and I am trying very hard to fix them but i feel that as much as I am trying to part of my insecurities are or come from things he does. For example today he promised me he would visit and spend the afternoon he even brought up us going to the gym and going to a restaurant we both like this was in the morning. However he is not coming today at all and he says it is because he has to stay at work later then expected just an hour later to write a test up for his students, he is a high school teacher. when he called he said ” i cant come today because i have to write up a test for the kids but u get to see me on Friday and next week is my spring break so I will make the effort to see you more” but the thing is every promise me makes to me i feel is useless because he rarely keeps them and then when I get upset because on days like today when I planed out the whole day and fixed myself up and ran home from class to make sure i got home on time he just doesn't see how it bothers me when he doesn't communicate things with me. I saw other forums where it said to make a list of the things you would like to fix or change about your partner that one feels would better the relationship as a whole. MY boyfriend reminds me lately constantly that the only thing he wants to change are my insecurities and trust issues.
What I want to fix or change about him is:
-the lack of communication on our plans , his feelings, and our relationship.
– when we do get a moment to speak to each other that he would actually listen and pay attention.
– to be more open about his emotions
– for us to try to have more time together
-for him to be able to show me his love not just by saying it.
Last night he went out with his co workers and told e that he would be home by 6:30 instead he didnt even contact me until 8 and then he just told me he was home and then had to get stuff ready for the next day and called me back at 9 i only had a few minutes with him in the little time i had with him I asked him to take the survey the book is based on i verbally asked him the questions and he just dosed on an off i ended up having to repeat each question because he was not really paying attention it took about 20 minutes and then he said he was sleepy and wanted to go to bed so there was no conversation at all other than those questions I even tried to ask him how his outing with his coworkers went he discussed it for a moment then continued on to bed. I would like to know what the book really helps with and if I should keep on reading it. I just want to feel loved and secure and i want to be able to give him the trust he requests but i cant do it without being sure he will not sure me.
The last thing ill write is that even though he is not coming today i can put that aside if he would actually contact me at 4 or 4:30 like he said and spoke to me like an actual meaningful conversation. Unfortunately i know he wont call at that time and probably not till an hour or more later and then go off and do work or something and we wont speak till around 8 and then he will be tiered stressed and really non responsive at all.