MartinKeymasterOctober 1, 2010 at 3:15 amPost count: 250
Part 3 of my ‘Who Knows’ part series to give a few insights in how to be a mutual winner, even going through a divorce. Yesterday’s can be found at Winning In Dealing With Divorce – Reality in case you’d like to catch up.
Stop being Resentful
I know dealing with divorces can really have a lot of pain and negative emotion attached. And I know a lot of guys really bottle up their anger, hatred, resentment and blame.
Doing this is unhealthy and the end result is likely to cost you, both physically, mentally and emotionally. When this is happening, you’re still very much attached to the entire event (separation, divorce, selling the house, kids moving out, etc) that you’re angry about.
Remember yesterday’s Winning In Dealing With Divorce – Reality about remaining detached?
Depending on the circumstances surrounding the divorce, communication could be a challenge and one that you going to need to overcome.
The most effective way to dispel and deal with the anger is through communicating your thoughts and concerns with the only viewpoint of resolving the situation. Certainly do have a desired outcome in your mind however, like any relationship, there’s gong to be an aspect of compromise and healthy debate.
It can certainly be tough when dealing with another person who is also full of hatred and anger, though you’ll nearly always find when one party bites the bullet and softens their approach, the other calms down and seeks a degree of balance.
Be the one that softens.
Maybe an Email
I remember one time in the past, I had a difficult time in communicating with my then-present wife – yeah, she’s the ex-wife now.
This was a time before I ‘discovered’ myself. And the time was particularly anger filled on both sides and was a precursor (maybe a trial) to the divorce several years later. I found myself caught in my difficulty in not being able to properly express myself in verbal words as we both ended up in yet another heated argument and added further fuel to the fire.
What I stumbled across, by accident, was to simply write her a letter (an email in this case, I am a Geek remember) and I was able to clearly state what my concerns were and how I was looking to resolve the situation. I avoided anger and blame and made sure I ended on a positive note. You’ll be surprised how effectively this worked so I hope that’s a good hint for any of you guys that struggle with effective communication in the heat of the moment.
Please do let me know your feedback on your resentful moment in dealing with divorce.
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