are you with a selfish spouse or partner

Who’s Going To Be First?

Anyone who knows me understands I’m usually the first to want to lend a hand in helping.

I sometimes felt people thought more of themselves than me!

Internally, I find that satisfying and it fits with my mental actions (or personality profile).


What’s Your Type Of Behaviour?

Are you the type who thinks of others first or initially yourself?

Recently, I read an article that praised the virtues that everyone must always think of their own well-being above anyone else. I dwelled on this thought for some time.

Had I been going about things the wrong way, all this time?

For some insight on this, check back on a recent blog post here ‘ When Giving, Honesty, and Caring Will Damage You ‘ as it was quite lively in the comments section.

Was this the reason I sometimes felt people thought more of themselves than me?

I know full well I have immense value to bring, give to and share to others. I understand my own worth (internally) … I also know that value is shared without thought of return and given selflessly.

Every now and then there’s an occasional pang in seeing my needs go by the wayside by another.

Shouldn’t everyone think of others?

This brings me back to the question: Should I re-train my thoughts and my life outlook, to be selfish … Other people’s needs should always come in second best, below my own needs?

What’s the downside – and maybe there’s just an upside … For me!





  • I’ll get more of what I need in life – more long-lasting and sustained happiness.
  • My life will be more fulfilled.
  • If I change, will I also get better relationships? Perhaps and I’d certainly hope this to be true.
Recognise your value
Recognise your value


What are the effects on current relationships though?

Certainly, any change of behavior needs to take into consideration how this is likely to affect respect, communication as well as other areas of a relationship.

It’s certainly needed that a degree of mutual respect is maintained however how that respect is carried forward, is now yourself being the main focus.

I’m presuming that where once my main focus was the other person, it’s now myself.

My own drivers are now the wants for my satisfaction, not the other person/s.

So I wonder how people, who think of themselves, equilibrate that sharing of themselves comes second to thinking and getting their own needs satisfied above others including relationship partners?


Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion

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  • How do you operate when it comes to self-satisfaction with other people?
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Should It Be Me or Them First? 1

Enjoying newly found freedoms in South-East Asia, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let’s start there, OK?

Martin Cooney – who has written posts on GeekandJock.

2 thoughts on “Should It Be Me or Them First?”
  1. Very good post. I read parts of the book myself and sometimes I think it is better to be little selfish in love.

    It's good to be a little selfish in all areas of life. What this type of healthy selfishness means really is just getting

    the most out of everything for your own life. Not accepting anything subpar, only accepting the best.

    It's very true what you say, in that your relationships will certainly change.

    I think they will change for the better, but will they last long since you might not be as compromising and compromise is seen as one of the keys for long term relationships. Definitely interesting read, really made me think.

    Do you think it will be better long term?

    I write about some similar ideas in my blog. I'd love to get some feedback from you:

    1. Thanks for stopping by as well of giving of yourself to make a comment to share with others.

      It's probably a matter of more understanding the other person, letting them know what's going on (rightly and wrongly) and understanding why you're acting or feeling in certain circumstances. Should you change into something you're not meant to become? Probably not.

      Should you better understand the selishness of others to better understand your own reactions and feelings? That's probably more the case, I think. Time will tell and time is the teacher.

      I'll check out your blog too – if you'd like to do a Guest Blog post here too, simply check out the guidelines and we can make that happen.

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