balance comes from expectations, needs and promises

Is Your Relationship Really Balanced?

Balance is often in an unbalanced state in relationships.

‘Huh’, I hear you say.

If it’s balanced, how can it be unbalanced?

your partner might be frustrated
Is this what your partner is doing?

Well, a relationship is around two people.

Both should have their own individual balance as well as contribute to the overall balance and harmony of the relationship.

That’s where the unbalanced balance comes in.


Let me give you an example from a purely male point of view:

The sometimes confusing area around love-making with your beautiful partner.

Imbalance creeps into the sexual area of a relationship as both sides have a very different perception of what their own sexual needs are as well as the needs of their partner.


Let’s check it out from a hypothetical viewpoint.

Guys and gals start a relationship with a high frequency of lovemaking.

The bar is set to a balance point as both are really loving the fun, experiences, exploration, experimentation, and closeness.

Both are happy with the pleasure that sex is bringing to their lives.

the pleasure of sex in a relationship
The pleasure of sex in a relationship

Time rolls on and the female changes her own expectations to include more non-sexual activities such as cuddles and hugs.

The guy isn’t really communicating the change so the balance is changed and confusion creeps in.

What gradually happens next is the balance changes to lower sexual frequency (which unbalances the male) and higher non-sexual contact (better balancing the female).

So the guy starts easing up on initiating sexual activity as he doesn’t see the woman is that interested in lovemaking.

They might then see a lack of interest in her sexually and begins having doubts around her desirability and starts losing interest in sex herself and so the downward spiral begins.

The guy sees his initial high-frequency sexual needs and expectations plummet.

He loses faith in his partner being able to recognize his basic needs for closeness through sex and becomes uninterested in fulfilling hers.

After all, she was more than willing to enjoy heaps of mutually initiated sex in the beginning and then almost reneges on her relationship, without much communication and understanding.



We all have needs for fulfillment.

honour their needs
Honor and meet their needs

It’s our needs that drive us into all our relationships or interactions – we look for ways to satisfy our needs, every day.

It’s important for the woman to understand, accept and fulfill the guy’s needs just as it’s equally as important for the guy to understand the women’s needs and make those his journey of fulfillment.

When the wheels begin to fall off the wagon, make sure you begin an unbiased, non-judgemental conversation around making you both happy and contented. Avoid accusation chatter like ‘What happened to you ……’, ‘Why did you do …’ and use ‘Hey, can we have a chat about why we seem to be …..’.

‘We’ talk is togetherness.

‘We’ talk is teamwork.

‘We’ talk is for both of you to work on and come to a mutually rewarding result.



Promises are made to us every day and they can be implicit or explicit.

The more the promises sound like they will meet our needs, the more likely we will be drawn to the commitment, whether it be implied and explicitly verbalized.

In a relationship, promises are very often made to each which then builds a bond of trust with each other. Oftentimes, implied promises are made to do something. ‘I’m going to work on that for us’.

Problem is, sometimes these are forgotten about, pushed aside due to a new priority, or simply not acted upon as the person doesn’t see it as something they really need to do.

Promise broken, trust levels diminish, people start to get disillusioned.



Yep, communicating clear expectations and needs is vital. If you make a promise to your partner, you need to keep them.

Treat your partner with the utmost respect, if you say you’ll work on something; make sure you damn well do!

Trust is the most precious of gifts – protect it at all cost.


Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion

Nice to see you made it this far so here’s what you can do next:

  • How do you think your relationship is doing??
  • What’s one thing you think you can do better, for your loved one?
  • Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then read this article too.

And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

There's Always a Better Level of Balance 1

Enjoying newly found freedoms in South-East Asia, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
Drop me a message and let’s start there, OK?

Martin Cooney – who has written posts on GeekandJock.

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