I was asked personally by one of our members the other day, why do people cheat on their partners when they have a healthy marriage.
This was in response to my recent blog post on “Cheating It’s a Human Gene”.
I certainly don’t condone cheating in any way, shape or form.
That’s my view anyway.
Some people may very well think it’s the sex acts with another person that’s the issue.
I think, there are deeper more emotional factors at play and here's how to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner.
Though obviously I’d love to hear comments and other peoples views on this.
Okay, what are those fundamental reasons and issues as to why one person would cheat on their loved one, their partner, their soulmate?
And there’s probably a number of reasons, in fact, many reasons.
Now obviously cheating revolves around going outside of your partner and engaging in a relationship with another person, that we all know. That third-party relationship could range from a one off, purely sexual experience to one that involves a full-blown second and loving relationship.
So, what are some of these reasons:
- Lack of love and affection in the current relationship
- Lack of sex in the relationship
- Communication breakdown
- Failing to have ‘us’ time with your partner
Love and Affection
All you need is love ….
Never a truer word has been spoken (or sung in the Beatles case). The world does revolve around love. Every person on the planet craves to be loved and craves to love. We’re ‘pair bonding creatures at our very core.
Society might try to escalate human beings as higher intellect entities with the right to choose our lifestyle. And we certainly do choose to live alone, albeit typically due to historical events causing us to run away from what we’ve wanted in the past. I can certainly understand the behaviour of failing in past relationships causing all manner of mental blocks to avoid the same pain in future partnerships.
Yet, if we look at it that failure is simply life lessons to help us understand and grow, then we all should be forging ahead to better ourselves to find what we seek.
And what might have happened in the past with one person will almost certainly never happen the same way with another person – providing you’re also willing to modify your own outlook on life and people around you.
Habit and familiarity tends to make us always select what we know – which is usually why we leave one relationship and wind up in a relationship with the same type of person.
Does the average person think why that is – the vast majority of us don’t, do we?
We’re also self-centred whether we can admit it or not. In a relationship, sharing of your life with another person is critically important.
Understanding what the other person craves in life needs to be paramount too.
That isn’t to say you give up your own life – far from it. Your existence will actually be greatly enhanced – with trust you’re doubling your opportunity for success and knowledge and have the comfort in being able to battle life’s journey with someone at your side.
When a relationship fails to have love and affection, it’s a very real likelihood that we will look elsewhere to obtain what we seek and desire.
It’s very real.
Without love and affection, the slightest hint from someone else will divert our attentions away from the current attention towards anyone that gives it to us. It could be as easy as someone in the workplace – and this is certainly where it happens most.
Where we’re connected with other people for 8 hours a day or more.
The primal desire of the sex act is within all of us and, indeed, it's also a great sign of a healthy marriage and a healthy relationship too. Some may hide it behind a facade and others will be very open, and the level of desire will invariably be different in a relationship too – that’s the clincher unfortunately too.
Failing to understand your partners’ levels can lead to them potentially straying.
We all seek balance and fulfilment.
And the sharing I spoke of earlier comes into play here.
Is it wrong to give to another, you love, what they need to be content?
Certainly not and, in fact, it’s what needs to occur.
By doing so, the favour will be returned as you’ve built a partnership on ‘giving’ instead of ‘taking for yourself’.
Important Healthy Marriage Tip – How does your partner best communicate and do they know how you prefer to communicate?
Most of you wouldn’t be able to answer that question.
And since a ‘well oiled’ business succeeds by optimal communication how could your relationship business possibly succeed without setting up the proper channels of understanding and knowledge? It won’t, will it? Will your soulmate be satisfied, in the longterm, with an ongoing lack of understanding? I’d suggest, at some point, dissatisfaction might lead to seeking it elsewhere.
As an example, your partner might love talking about their day, their aspirations as well as your personal lives (as a whole). You, on the other hand, don’t understand this and fail to participate in this communication style or, maybe, internalise more than them. So there’s an imbalance building here. Your partner is not getting what they need, are they?
Enter the possibility of them eventually finding it elsewhere.
And it may be that they don’t actively go out and seek the communication either – through our daily lives, we often have conversations with other people who (just might) talk on the very same level as yourself.
You know that feeling when you simply gel with a person?
They seem to be easy to talk with, love what you say, understand everything about you and seem to be absorbed and interested?
Ouch, that’s the danger zone, right there!
I’m Just Lonely
Being with someone for a long time can often lead to falling into a rut. You become complacent and your partner might feel like a favourite pair of shoes – comfortable, all too familiar, not much excitement happening and they’re ‘just there when you are’.
I’ve been there myself, let me tell you. It’s like going through the motions of life because that’s what just happens.
Sometimes it’s like passing a stranger in the street – a casual ‘hello’, a little bit of meaningless chatter, have a meal together and chat about the weather, maybe watch some TV and go to bed or one of you go to bed while the other does something else.
The pizzaz and spice has gradually dwindled away and you’re really just 2 separate people living under the same roof. You’re now 2 lonely people.
This is a strong recipe for affairs as when someone comes along that does show some interest, something different, some added spice, well the sparks of an affair are likely to be ignited
You And Me Time
There’s simply nothing more important than your partner.
And I don’t care whether it’s your kids, parents, best friends or anyone or anything else. Your partner is your soulmate, your lover, your best friend, strongest ally in life and more trusted advisor.
- For a healthy marriage, you owe them everything that you are in life as they to you.
- You’re a matched and loving pair of individuals with many complementary as well as different traits.
You simply must have ‘together time’. Excuses like ‘I need to attend to the kids’, ‘I’m really busy with dinner’, ‘Sorry, I don’t have time for you right now because I’m [insert lame arsed excuse here]’. That kind of crap is avoiding your highest responsibility in your relationship – time with your partner.
If you knew how to build your bank balance with a simple daily routine, we’d all be setting aside a little time each day to do it, wouldn’t we? You see where I’m going here? You’re most important bank is your love bank and there’s 2 names on the account, in case you fail to remember!
Failure to jointly work on that balance can lead to other ‘investments’ being made. With 1440 minutes in every day, a valuable deposit of 5 minutes of quality ‘you and me’ time will be the very best routine you could hope to spend.
The rewards will grow into your own Fort Knox.
Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion
Nice to see you made it to the end of the post. Here’s what you can do next:
- So ask yourself, ‘Am I in a healthy relationship?'
- What are your top reasons or experiences on reasons why partners cheat on their loved ones?
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