Follow Along And We’ll Show You How To Ruin Your Relationship
It might surprise you to hear that building a perfect relationship is one of the simplest things to do… and ruining it is equally achievable.
There are, of course, some easy sure-fire-ways, that will help you inflict considerable damage onto your relationship without even trying that hard.
Infidelity, for example, or abuse are usual “no-nos”.
But what about something a little more subtle?
What are the ways of ruining your relationship with a little more finesse?
Well, dirty socks on the floor, picking your nose and flicking it across the front room, chewing your dinner with your mouth open; there are many irritations and bad habits you could fall back on.
These behaviours, like the relentless drip of Chinese torture, will erode the very fabric of a relationship; eating away slowly until one day, the couple realises the magic has gone.
It’s these small inconsiderations that relationship psychiatrist, John Jacobs (author of “All You Need Is Love And Other Lies About Marriage: How To Save Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late”) suggests are the reason most relationships fall apart.
John Jacobs … When marriages don’t work, often the partners are fighting not over big issues but over petty differences in style
The trick then, when it comes to ruining a relationship, is to do the little annoying things consistently.
Persist with those little irritations so that they work themselves into deep cracks and fissures.
They may start out as meaningless botherations, but bit by bit, they’ll slowly drive your partner up the wall.
Michael Cunningham, a psychologist out of the University of Louisville studied these little annoyances in 160 couples and found that (not surprisingly) individuals suppressed those irritating behaviours early on in the relationship and then allowed them to emerge once the relationship became “secure”!
Cunningham described these resulting annoyances as “social allergens”; where the first exposure produced a small negative reaction, but each subsequent contact increased sensitivity.
This is the perfect example of why some long-term relationships can implode over what seems like minor infringements.
- So, what are these ticking time bombs?
- How do we create that twitchy trigger finger?
The answers are actually quite different depending on whether you are trying to work your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend into a frenzy.
Let’s Start With The Ladies First:
If you are trying to aggravate your male partner, then you need to:
- Give him the silent treatment
- Bring up things he’s done in the distant past
- Be critical (it doesn’t matter how small the thing you are criticising… better yet, criticise everything)
- Be especially stubborn and never give in (even if you are proven to be completely wrong)
And For The Men, Take Heed:
If, on the other hand, you are attempting to infuriate your female partner then you need to:
- Forget important dates (birthdays and anniversaries are perfect)
- Burp and/or fart noisily (if you can do both at the same time, you get bonus points)
- Stare at other women
- Be especially stubborn and never give in (even if you are proven to be completely wrong)
OK, these are things which you can start to do today which will slowly, but surely ruin your relationship.
However, there are also some things which you can avoid doing, with equally damaging effects.
Whatever you do, do not let go of your ego.
Showing humility and conceding to your partner is a way of letting your partner know that the relationship is more important to you than your own pride.
If you start trying to understand and accommodate your partner’s likes and dislikes you are showing that you are trying to connect with them on many levels.
This will not help you ruin your relationship.
Instead, hold steadfast to whatever you want (or don’t want) and stick to your guns.
Avoid Showing Respect
To really ruin a relationship, just take your partner for granted.
Expect certain things to happen (tidying, washing, ironing, etc) and don’t show any signs of gratitude or appreciation.
If, like many people, you go into a relationship hoping that your partner will change with time – like the aging of a fine wine – then make sure you keep nagging and nagging until they do eventually change.
Don’t accept them for who they are; explain that you are trying to make them a better person.
No one likes to feel underappreciated.
It’s much easier to ruin a relationship if you make a point of not respecting them.
Avoid Investing Time In Your Relationship
Let’s face it, there’s so much going on in your life that time spent on the relationship means less time spent on other important areas (shopping, web-surfing, working, exercising… the list is endless).
For you to be most successful in those pursuits you are going have to spend less time on your relationship.
A perfect way to help ruin it.
Avoid Making An Effort
Small actions that show you still try and make an effort (like dressing up nicely for dinner or taking care of your appearance) will often elongate a relationship.
A quick way to ruin a relationship is to stop making an effort.
Avoid Quality Time Together
Try to avoid special time together; just the two of you.
This is relatively easy to do when you have children, because it’s straightforward coming up with an excuse why you can’t go out to dinner, etc.
However, even if you don’t have kids, there’s always a reason not to go out together.
The Ruin Wrap-Up
So there it is!
You can follow this list of useful pointers on how to ruin a relationship, and I assure you, the relationship will never result in a successful and happy long-term bond.
If you are really struggling to ruin your relationship, you can always speak to a professional relationship therapist and whatever they suggest… do the opposite.
In some cases, this can have a dramatic effect and clients can often see the results in a very short period of time.
Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion
Nice to see you made it to the end of the post. Here’s what you can do next:
- What has been something you’ve done to successfully ruin a relationship?
- What’s one thing on this list that you are doing successfully?
- Click one of the Share buttons – your friends can then enjoy this article too.
And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
17 thoughts on “We’ll Show You How To Easily Ruin Your Relationship”
A really fantastic post! It made me laugh all the way through while also sharing some insightful stuff. Isn’t it funny that, in a relationship that isn’t working, people can easily neglect things that otherwise would come naturally – being polite, investing time in other people and being willing to compromise are all things that make up a functioning adult, yet when you add a male/female relationship dynamic things can quickly go south, huh? The (de)motivational poster was pure gold, also!
Oh yeah, the difference between male and female :)
How would you change your perspective if you viewed gender as slight differences in a human being? As always tend to view differences as potentially negative areas as opposed to just accepting and evolving.
Wonderful tips David – LAUGH more is what I say – don’t take things so seriously….
What a great post, I’m still laughing! I am a married woman with 2 kids and can definitely relate to David’s “tips”. I like TheGeeks comment above…I think over the years I have tried to be more understanding, grateful and patient and a little less serious. I often ask myself, “is this really important?”…if it’s a no, then let it go! Laugh, love and be happy :-)
Laugh with the abandon of a child, love wholeheartedly and be happy for who you are. Excellent advice.
Can I add Avoid Sex to the list? It’s so easy to get in the mindset that there’s always time for it later. Sex is one of the things that hold relationships together. You don’t have to do it everyday, but find the frequency that works for both of you.
How refreshing to hear your comment and have you visit, Regan.
By refreshing I mean ladies often feel reluctant to voice their right to have sex to be a meaningful part of their relationship lives.
Definitely ‘Avoiding Sex’ needs to be a part of the long list that David has put together. Well spotted, Regan :)
What’s your thoughts, from personal experience, in how sexual avoidance tends to take place?
I was going to say a friend of mine… but I’ll be candid. After the birth of my son it took me a long time to get back “in the mood.” I would stay way over on my side of the bed at night and I got to the point where I didn’t even want to hug or kiss my husband. But then, I read something (can’t remember what now) that talked about how important sex and physical intimacy is to men. I decided that even if I wasn’t totally feeling it I needed to make the effort for my husband. After all he does things with me that he really isn’t all that interested in. After a few weeks, I found myself enjoying it more and feeling closer to him again.
You might be a rare breed, Regan.
I see both men and women being very selfish in relationships. One of those ‘I’m getting what I need so I’m OK’ kinds of things.
Little realising that if they flipped that to ‘I’m giving what she/he needs then I know they’re happy, so am I and Good karma is coming back to me’ then their ongoing relationship would go from strength to strength.
It isn’t about me, it’s about your partner. Happiness and stability in relationships is infectious – that’s the infection I want :)
Oh … and huge thanks to you for sharing a personal story because it really does help others come to grips with their own situation. You rock!
You make some great points here, Regan. As humans we are exceptional inasmuch as we are the only beings on the planet who lead such rich internal lives that we are at once parent, mother, father, child, lover, partner, life-giver, sustainer, protector, companion, thinker… And so much more!
Part of life’s challenge, then, is to move seamlessly through these characters as appropriate. Like most things; that which we give attention to often becomes stronger and so it’s quite common for new mum’s to feel exactly as you did. You feel first and foremost as the “life-giver”, a “sustainer”, and the vesel for your child.
My advice on such occasions is exactly what you did; make the effort regardless. You may not feel like a sexual being to begin with, but invest into that character nevertheless. It will find its voice again. You should be an inspiration to others who have/are feeling the same way.
Thanks for sharing,
I love your suggestion and I agree it should go on the list… it needs a caveat, though, because not every successful relationship is a sexually active one. My grandfather at 101 and his wife aren’t sexually active, but still very much in love (sorry to bring bring that up, papa).
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said “avoidance”. If it’s being avoided by one party then that’s sure to ruin a relationship. Indeed, I know of many cases where that has happened.
How wonderful that your grandfather has made it to 101! Maybe we should change avoiding sex to avoiding intimacy. Even if sex is off the table due to age, sickness or whatever, couples need to engage in whatever level of physical intimacy is fulfilling for them. There are a million studies out there about human’s need for physical touch. Hugging, kissing or just holding hands may be all that we need to feel connected.
or even ‘Avoid finding out what your partner needs as far as a fulfilling sex life goes’ might be more apt?
LOL! Very funny. I don’t know what’s more disturbing? That I recognize I’ve done all of these at some point or that they’ve all been done to me! Not all in the same relationship thank goodness. Good post David.
Which one have you done more than another, Jason?
And which do you regularly have happen to you?
Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving your thoughts.
Thanks Jason! At least you recognize that it’s happened. Sometimes it’s important to “take stock”; think through certain patterns in your life. Are there examples of negative patterns that keep repeating? If so, then something probably needs to change.
Hahaha What a great guest post, David.
OK, as a guy and a husband, I certainly do understand as well as been on the receiving end of the silent treatment, dredging up distant past things, criticisms and never giving in.
Mind you, those are all from my point of view. And that’s the interesting thing isn’t it? Viewpoints are different, depending on the person, aren’t they?
Probably the one thing that I definitely contributed to in a previous relationship was avoiding making the effort. I hope I’m doing that now and think I am. Almost everything I do is around better understanding the person I love – I fail and I succeed, both with regularity.
How about everyone else?