Cheating Can Be Different, Can’t It?

Well here’s an interesting conversation I just had with my second wife, Pam – it was around what she thought as cheating.

The night wore on and we all ended up in some seedy downstairs Strip Joint.

We were having a wine after we both got home from work and were chatting about the various behaviours of cheating in other countries.

I was indicating her home country of South Africa had a larger prevalence to males cheating on their partners and she suggested that was pretty much on par for all countries.

Anyway as we talked, she recalled a story I told her a year or so ago about a late night staff outing in the Brisbane Central Business District.


Many Years Ago

About 20 years ago, I was out with a bunch of work colleagues for a few drinks.

A few drinks turned into many drinks, as is often the case. We’re having a good fun time as we went from bar to bar.

The night wore on and we all ended up in some seedy downstairs Strip Joint.

Dark and some of those strippers had tight young bodies and quite an age on their face. Ever seen a stripper wearing sandals? That was funny indeed.

Anyway, we were all on the dance floor and having a good time.

Then the moment this conversation is all about. I gave one of my female peers (who I’ve known for many years) a French Kiss that lasted all of a few seconds.

demi moore in striptease


What’s The Problem?

So here we go.

  • I had no intention of anything sexual, none
  • It was a kiss, though I’m sure there was some saliva exchanged
  • Myself, I thought it was an innocent event – though inappropriate


The Other Side

So my wife suggests, in her mind, that it’s an affair.

  • Turning it around on me, would I like it if she did that
  • It wasn’t an innocent kiss on the cheek but a full kiss on the mouth
  • The above point certainly points to something more than innocence



The Retort

Well, those are certainly valid points which I can understand.

With that said, if she did do the same thing, I’d be asking questions to better understand the circumstances.

  • Yeah, a full kiss on the lips is inappropriate.
  • Did she take it further?
  • What was the intention?
    • So did she want to screw the guy?
    • If that was totally out of her thoughts, whilst being an inappropriate event, I can’t see it as an affair. It’s a somewhat innocent thing that shouldn’t have happened, regrettable and nothing sexual in mind or body.


When Is It An Affair Then?

For my understanding, it simply has to be in the intention.

And the intention needs to be willfully seeking something you could get within your relationship with your partner.

By that, I mean, you’re intentionally seeking sexual gratification or companionship.

If the innocent kiss also had an attached notion of playing the female into something sexual at a latter time, that would certainly have been involving cheating. In my case, we laughed it off the next day and continued with our lives.

Still being good work mates, from that time forward.


Intention and Willful Thought

Check out a post I did sometime back on Top Reasons Why People Cheat and check out the main reasons why it generally happens.

Point is, there has to be intention behind the thoughts to betray your partner as opposed to an innocent act that might well be simply inappropriate.


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When Is It Actually Cheating? 1

Enjoying newly found freedoms in South-East Asia, Martin is a down to earth, honest, quirky humor, compassionate and upfront kinda guy. Easy going and love to laugh. Into good food, wine and great company. I’ll talk and try to help anyone.
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Martin Cooney – who has written posts on GeekandJock.