earth and moon is like distance in a relationship

Stale Love Life and Distance, Huh?

Five years ago, my relationship was on the rocks and headed towards ending.

For some reason my relationship with my sweet, caring boyfriend had lost its fiery spark.

  • When we first met, we were crazy about each other and hardly spent a waking moment apart.
  • Where he went, I went.
  • Where I went, he followed.
does distance matter in a stale love life
Can putting a little distance in a relationship actually make it better?

Over the course of three years together, however, things started to simmer down. Even though I was still very much in love with my partner, I started to notice how bored I was becoming with our date nights, conversations, sexual encounters, and overall experiences together – signs of a stale love life.

When I confessed my awkward boredom to my boyfriend, I remember him breathing a sigh of relief. “I feel the same way,” he said to me.

I think most women would have broken down into tears after hearing something this, but I knew in my soul that my boyfriend and I weren’t going to give up on our relationship.

We were committed to making this work for the long haul, so we started to talk about what could have made us lose our once-fiery mojo.

It didn’t take long before we both realized something: we never spent a waking moment apart from each other.

I spent the night at his place almost every night; we texted each other all day; and we both assumed that weekday and weekend plans were dedicated to us spending time together.

When it came down to it, we realized we needed to spend some time apart and give each other the opportunity to rediscover ourselves.

We knew we loved each other – we wanted to prevent a stale love life and once again be happy with each other.

Good news: we worked it out and we’re still very much in love. I’m a big believer in spreading words of wisdom that actually work, so I’ve decided to share with you three reasons why distance can help a relationship that’s on the rocks.


You’ll Rediscover Yourself

rediscover yourself to help your relationship
The discovery of yourself can lead to rediscovery of your relationship
Could you?

Though you may not remember it well, there were once things you did by yourself before you got into a relationship.

Inevitably, you’ve cultivated new habits in your romantic relationship. But during your new time alone, you can revisit those old things that used to bring you joy.

If you don’t have any old hobbies you’d like to revisit, perhaps try out some new ones.

Your new free time is a great opportunity to:

  • go take interesting classes
  • learn a new language
  • train for a marathon
  • experiment with cooking
  • meet up with old friends
  • .. or even test out new hobbies.

Don’t be afraid to get to know who you are and what makes you happy, and though you may be tempted to do so, do not skip out on personal time.

If you aren’t strong and self-satisfied by yourself, there is no way you’ll be able to be in a strong relationship.


You’ll Miss Your Partner

could you miss the one you love through distance
Those 3 words of ‘I miss you’ is sometimes all a relationship needs.

Believe it or not, that quote is absolutely true.

We as humans crave things more when they are out of our reach.

You may love spending time with your partner, but spending too much time with them is like drinking poison.

Slowly, but surely, that flame you feel for them will start to go out. In your time apart from each other, you’ll have time to think about your partner, your relationship, and why you love your significant other, which will inevitably make you long for them.

As I said before, don’t give into this longing right away. Allow the longing to build until you guys decide to get together.

My advice is to dial your meetings down to two times a week, at most, until you feel like your relationship is in a stable place.


You’ll Be Able To See The Strength Of Your Relationship

strength in a relationship
Every couple has ups and downs.
It’s what you do in the downs that counts

Here is an unfortunate truth: not all relationships can be saved.

Truthfully, if you are taking time apart from your partner that might mean that you and your partner are going through tough times.

Every couple struggles, but what matters most is knowing whether or not your relationship is meant to last for the long haul.

During your time away from your partner, try and analyze how you feel about the possibility of being single.

  • If you feel liberated and exhilarated by the idea that might be a sign that your relationship isn’t all that you imagined it to be.

All the same, try and see what distance does for your relationship. If you continue to feel bored in your relationship, then maybe it’s time to break up and move on to someone else.

If you start to miss your partner terribly, that’s wonderful, but keep that distance in place and keep working on improving your personal happiness.


The Truth About Relationship Distance

Realizing you need some distance in your relationship may feel awful in the beginning, but by embracing some time apart from your lover, you’ll be able to gauge for yourself whether or not they are the one for you.

Plus, who doesn’t love some time alone?


Over To You

Now that we’ve reached the bottom, here’s what you can do next:

  • What’s your opinion on distance? Could or would you do it ?
  • Are the type of person who likes time alone from your spouse/partner ?
  • What’s one thing that has prevented you having a stale love life ?

And thanks for reading too – I’ll see you in the comments.

Top 3 Reasons Why a Stale Love Life Is Helped by Distance 1

Carol Wilson has spent a good majority of her life working for insurance agencies and calculating business insurance quotes—so if anyone knows a thing or two about insurance it’s Carol. But aside from sharing her knowledge to readers, she also enjoys sharing her thoughts and opinions on other business-related topics such as marketing techniques.

Carol – who has written posts on GeekandJock.

20 thoughts on “Top 3 Reasons Why a Stale Love Life Is Helped by Distance”
  1. Congratulations on staying strong with your raison d’etere! I personally believe that distance and some time away from each other will make two people in love grow stronger. After all, in order for a relationship to last, it’s not all about companionship and spending all the time with each other. It’s also about trust, responsibility, and commitment. Cheers to couples in love!

  2. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder, before my husband and I got hitched we dated for 6 long years and sent most of our time together. At some point, I wanted to know how it feels like to be alone again and I enjoyed the experience completely. I didn’t have to break it off with him though, I just asked him to keep a safe distance and it was worth it! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the matter.

  3. I firmly believe that being self-satisfied is very important to sustain a lasting relationship with anyone. I’m all for spending quality time alone by taking up a new hobby, travelling, reading and increasing my self-worth, this is the only way that I will to actually love someone else freely.

    1. Interesting comment, Joy.

      Totally agree each person in the relationship needs to be at peace with themselves, otherwise that’s an obvious starting point for doubt.

      So while you sound that you’re wanting lots and lots of quality time for yourself, how does this factor into a sharing relationship, for you?

  4. Hi Carol,

    Great story and advice on relationships. The sweet smooth relationship in the beginning will soon fade away. I think your case is not very isolated. It happens with all couple. But the steps you followed not to make this relationship into a disaster is not very common.

    You acknowledged that there is something wrong and then took the appropriate steps. The sad part is that, most couple don’t even do the first step.

    1. Welcome Annetta and thank you so much for your thoughts.

      “If you keep doing what you always do, expect to get what you always got”.

      It takes someone to make a realisation that something needs to change, for the situation to get better. Unfortunately, divorce is often the new ‘quickie’. I often wonder that’s happens due to our own upbringing i.e. not seeing our own parents or friends putting in the hard yards to get a truly successful relationship then we act and do the same.

      What’s your thoughts on that, Annetta?

  5. My late wife and I were married for forty years plus. Out of these, I was in a career that involved travel of an average of three weeks a month. My wife and I had a successful and very contented relationship till her last. I believe that it was due to my absences and her having the space to pursue her own interests and concentrating on bringing up our son. I find that almost without exception, marriages like mine with one spouse traveling a lot last longer and when retirement comes, the relationship is enjoyed to the brim.

    1. Hey, great to see you here, Ramana.

      Wonderful to hear your story and successful relationship, my friend.
      My main thought here is it’s going to be different for everyone, depending on one’s values. Giving space is important – it allows personal growth and that eventually leads to strengthening the relationship, in the long run.

      I’m interested, Ramana, whether your wife was initially happy with the thought of you being away for so long or was it simply a matter of cultural acceptance to your situation?

      1. We knew each other for eight years before we got married and during that time too I was a traveling salesman. She was fully aware of my career and I don’t think that she really thought much about whether she was happy or not with my absences. It was a given!

  6. Carol! Thak you for sharing this story and your advices! I wish it was six months ago. We broke up, but I really miss him. I know I should move on, but I just simply can’t get him out of my head. I wish we were working on our relationship!

    1. Thanks for your visit and comment, Sandy.
      There are so many questions I want to ask, from what you’ve said. Is there a chance getting back with him? Maybe you’d like to better take this up in the Forums so we’re able to lend you some assistance and get you back on track and moving forward with your life and thoughts?

  7. Wonderful advice Carol – This is the only part I would add to: you stated, “All the same, try and see what distance does for your relationship. If you continue to feel bored in your relationship, then maybe it’s time to break up and move on to someone else.”

    If I can please add one thing – sometimes it’s a good idea not to move onto someone else but to be alone by yourself and spend some time in this space and gap.

    Thanks for your great advice and I totally agree that time and space is a great thing for relationship and besides look at the fun when you get back together!!! :)


    1. Hey Nancy,
      I totally agree with you on that point. What I should have stressed was that it’s important to take some time to enjoy and rediscover what it means to be single, and when you’re ready then you can re-enter the dating game. The way I wrote it would have conveyed I meant right away, but that shouldn’t be the case at all!

  8. I very much agree with this. We don’t always need to be together to prove that the relationship is great and that everything is fine. Spending some time apart is very healthy for relationships. Just because you are with someone does not mean that you stop spending time by yourself or with your friends. It does not mean that you need to be together constantly. Some space and time with other people will actually strengthen your relationship, not tear it apart. And those who realize this and admit that they need it are those who have the best chance at saving their relationship.

    1. Jan,
      Very true! I think a lot of people worry that needing time apart symbolizes that we have lost interest in our partner, which shouldn’t be the case at all. Some of the strongest relationships I’ve ever seen are when people take days apart from each other. Independence is the key to a successful relationship.

      1. Good comments, Jan and Carol.

        As Ramana above has said, he himself had been in a solid relationship despite some extended time apart (and from the sounds of it, really extended).

        Though, in my humble opinion, this should be more than fine … providing the relationship has a solid foundation of trust and mutual respect. Independence comes along for that ride. After all, everyone needs time to do their own thing as well as doing mutually enjoyable activities. Wait a minute … yes … give and take or share and share.

  9. Hi Carol,

    Yes indeed; there is something fundamentally wrong with the notion that a marriage or union somehow turns two unique individuals into a single being. It simply doesn’t work that way.

    It is far more constructive to think of the sum of the union being greater than the individual parts; not less than! Couples that continue to celebrate being apart are often the same couples that enjoy quality time together.

    There are, of course, many shades of grey, but the idea is to find a balance that works for the two of you… And you’ll be more able to find that through open and honest communication.


    1. David,
      I agree completely. I think the problem is that people very much want to believe in the notion of “soul mates.” I think it would be a lovely concept if it really existed, but the fact is that there are many people we could be happy with. The secret to real happiness in a relationship, however, is being happy with yourself. I think that’s why we see so many marriages not working. We must first love ourselves before we can truly and authentically love anybody else.

      1. Firstly, thank you for a wonderful guest post, Carol. I can see people are really enjoying your message.
        On the soul mate thing, for me, it’s more an expression of my love for Pam as well as a combination of what David has said I.e. our union represents something bigger and more wonderful because the two of us are in ‘it’.

        All that said, if a notion of anything brings happiness and bonding to a partnership, I say ‘Bring it on as it’s a good thing’.

        Looking forward to more future posts from you.

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