Oh No! The In-Laws.
What do you do if your boyfriend is an articulate, caring, handsome soul and his family is…well, the closest scientists have ever come to finding the missing link?
It’s not easy to be with someone if you’re not wild about his family, but no one ever said the path to true love was supposed to be easy.
These suggestions will help you find the difficult balance between loving him and being less than crazy about his relatives.
Be Honest and Kind
Unless your boyfriend is completely oblivious, he probably senses the conflict between you and his family.
Don’t risk harming your relationship with him by lying and saying everything’s fine, but don’t trash the people he loves, either. For instance, it’s fine to say, “As you’ve probably noticed, your brother and I have very different beliefs.”
It’s not such a good idea is to say, “I can’t sand your brother because he’s a brain-dead redneck.”
Don’t try to stop your boyfriend from seeing his family, but don’t feel you have to join him on every visit.
Putting in an appearance once in a while or only on special occasions is just fine.
Develop Selective Hearing
Rather than get into a fight that you can’t win, ignore any family members who try to get a rise out of you by deliberately making annoying comments.
Simply act as if you didn’t hear the offensive remark and start a conversation about another subject.
This is a technique that works well whether you’re a contractor accounting software saleswoman or a college professor.
If you can’t ignore an offensive comment or joke, use the old trick of playing dumb.
Give the person who made the remark a puzzled look and say, “I don’t understand. teWhat do you mean by that?”
Most people who make snide remarks don’t have the courage to deliver a direct insult eye to eye.
Come Up with a Stuck Needle Response
Another way to handle disagreements with your boyfriend’s family is to repeat the same thing over and over — like an old, scratched vinyl record — until they get the idea.
You might try something like, “I know you feel very strongly about this, and it looks like we’ll just have to agree to disagree.”
Then change the subject.
Don’t Put Your Boyfriend in the Middle
No matter how badly his family may be behaving, it’s not fair to put your boyfriend on the spot by demanding he choose between them and you.
If you and his mother disagree about something, for instance, don’t look at your boyfriend and say, “Paul thinks I’m right, don’t you, Paul?”
You may be surprised and disappointed by his response.
Discuss Specific Issues in Private
There will probably always be some issues between you and your boyfriend’s family that won’t go away.
Most of these issues, like political and religious disagreements, are annoying but harmless. If something about his family’s behaviour makes you truly uncomfortable, however, discuss it with your boyfriend in private and decide as a couple how you want to handle the situation.
For instance, if you are uncomfortable with the comments his uncle makes about your body, you may agree that it’s best for you to avoid family gatherings that his uncle is expected to attend.
Being in love is hard enough without having to weather a complicated family situation, too, but if you keep a cool head, you and your boyfriend will be able to find a solution that works for everyone.
Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion
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- What’s been your own experience with your In-Laws?
- If you had in-laws you couldn’t stand, would you really tell your partner?
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And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
61 thoughts on “How to Cope When You Love Your Boyfriend but Hate His Family”
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. We have 1 kid together and my son as well. Him dad never liked me from day one and his mom would call me his X’s name. I found out she has M.S. but on top of this when I was pregnant with our daughter his brother and dad keep telling him it can’t be his kid and he needs to get a DNA test done. The day she came out we all new he was the dad even though I already did but she looked like him in every way. Now I’m fighting with his family after busting my ass off trying to get his dad to like me his brother too $100$ from his dad. His dad got mad and thought it was me and said the kids and I could no longer come over. That was SO hard for me. JUST HAVING E BABY and can be next to the love of your life. Now we have a place together and go over his familys every weekend. But GOD does it piss me off. His moms like a kid. She never does what I tell her when it comes to my son. Don’t give him pop she dose. Don’t give him candy. HE CANT HAVE MILK OR CHEESE. WHAT DOES SHE DO GIVES IT TOO HIM. I don’t want him playing with that it can hurt him she gives it back to him. My Man and I till him no or stop and she babys him. I ask my Man to talk to her but he don’t. I feel like I can never win.
WHAT SHOULD I DO.
I’m currently pregnant with my son mine and my boyfriends first kid we live with his parents which I ultimately didn’t wanna do but did it for the sake of my boyfriend saving money (because I can’t afford a place on my own) until he finishes his degree and gets a better job that’s waiting for him. His parents offered we never asked to move in but they wanted us to save money this first year after finding out I was pregnant so I took the offer and moved in and I can already tell my boyfriends mom and his sister are going to want to be around my son all the time but let me tell you if I say something regarding my son it will go. I’ve had a hard ass pregnancy for anyone to disobey with I feel is best for our child if they can’t agree with that they will have to deal with consequences. They are more than welcome to be involved in his life but there will definitely be boundaries set.
Hi! I have been in a relationship for a little over two years now and have had to seriously push my boyfriend the entire way, to get a serious job, to finance a car after his teenager one finally died out, and I’m currently pushing him to try to go back to school because he hates his job.
We’re 23, and I’m in school full time and only work part time. So, we both live at home with our parents because money is tight.
He lives with his mom and I stay there most nights, and she refuses to acknowledge the fact that he’s 23 and not 12. I don’t mean this in the way where she makes him lunch and does his laundry….I mean it in a way where if they’re arguing, her ultimate response/excuse is “because I’m the mother and you’re the child”.
sorry but what parent actually says this to their 23 y/o???? He still sleeps on a twin sized bed with a wooden frame that has drawers.
I also can never have an intellectual conversation with her. everything is very surface level and it’s frustrating to me. it’s all “oh that’s nice” or “isn’t that nice?” or “oh no that’s sad!”
She won’t support my boyfriend going to school. Last year I got him to sign up and she talked him out of going. “well, what are you going to do with that? do you even know what you want to do? it’s such a waste of money” even though she wouldn’t be the one paying for it…this is possibly my biggest problem with her. she doesn’t believe in education for the purpose of learning, she only understands it if you have a specific vocation, which is absolutely NOT the point!
I just really think that she hinders my boyfriend from growing up and pursuing his dreams because she 1. thinks he’s younger than he is and 2. thinks life is ‘find a good company to work for with good benefits’
there’s always drama going on with the family and it’s emotionally taxing. I can’t IMAGINE having grown up in that house. it’s something everyday, not just with her but with the whole family. so much baggage. I love my boyfriend so much but the extra is getting to be overwhelming and way too much to deal with. I don’t want to have to break up with him because of them, but everyone is just so selfish and depressed and it’s so toxic for his growth (and mine).
I’ve tried so hard to get him to remove himself from the situation but it’s incredibly hard because we’re not settled in our lives yet. I’m not done with school, the cost of living is so high…I know the automatic response is ‘well get your shit together and be single’ but that’s not something I really want to do at the point of 2 years in. I want to make it work but I don’t know how I can when mom is in our relationship.
I love this post!! I have used all these techniques myself. I once dated this woman who insisted on either having her family at our house all the time or us being at HER family’s houses all the time, and I do mean all the time, it was literally several times per week. She did not make it any easier for me either as she would pit her family and I against one another, side with them against me and seemed to prefer their company to mine. I loved some of her family members but she really made it difficult for me and I could never figure out why she did that except that it must have been great fun for her. It also gave her fodder for yelling at me in private because I was ALWAYS the one in the wrong (whether I really was or not, she would make sure that I was the bad guy).
My greater point to this is that, you must make your own relationships with your significant other’s family if you are going to be able to weather a long term relationship with your partner. Make peace, find common ground, develop ways you can smile and deal while you are in their company. If you find your partner doing to me what mine (at that time) did to me, it might be a good idea to move on… no one needs that kind of heartbreak and abuse.
I am 67, widowed. My current ex boyfriend is 62, also lost his spouse. His 38 year old daughter moved home for 2 years, with her 2 teenagers so she could go back to school, and Dear old Dad is supporting the 3 of them. He told me (after 1 /1 2 years of dating, and after 1 year of them being there) that he feels like he is living a double life, and is exhausted picking up after The Three little pigs,(my description, not his) but something had to give – and it was me. She got engaged but that Prince does not want them to move in, until she has a job. He still works, so would go home, clean up after them, come for supper, and go home again to clean up again. The man was getting along on 4 hours sleep. He has no backbone and will not stand up to them. They walk all over him, but “family comes first” was what I was told.
I told him we were over and not to call, but I miss him terribly and still love him, despite him breaking up with me over his kids 6 times. I sent him a Dear John letter. His son hates me. Big mouth Dad told him I do not like him constantly asking for money, which he NEVER repays, and doing his groceries at Dad’s house. He admitted that was his fault. He thinks I am after Dad’s money (I have more than he will ever have) and his house. (I own my own) . This boob is 40, married with 2 kids.
Everyone tells me to move on, forget him and I am better off, but they are not alone & lonely, and do not love him as I still do. Any suggestions ?????
well somehow, sometime he needs to grow a backbone.
Until that time he’ll be walked over and used as he is now.
I don’t think there’s going to be much you are going to do, after so many years of being ‘conditioned’ by his kids.
you say you’re alone and lonely
that’s what you need to focus on now. get out there and meet some new friends
My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years. His mother is very loopy, and rude around me. My boyfriend claims his mother is manipulative. When I asked him why he let’s her do that, he said it’s easier to go with the flow. This woman always plays victim, intterupts us when we are in bed & he opens the door…we are naked under the covers. Came in so intrusively. He’s aware of her actions but does NOTHING. He says he wants kids , and the mother wants grandchildren . how can that happen if shes always in the way. She always wants his attention too. I don’t communicate with this woman. She is hard to get along with. His problem not mine
you’re in for some long term relationship pain unless you get your house in order
and by that i mean get this woman OUT of the house.
how the heck do you think you both are going to have any sort of normality with his mother’s eyes constantly on you both?
what ever you do, get her out of your domicile. if you’re living in her house then move out, now!
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 yrs and it’s like I can’t continue with this anymore I’ve faught yelled and scream and even went as far as have a abusive situation and I was still the blame Smh he lives next door to his mother and at first they all drink lots or fishermen and find nothing wrong with it the mother is more like his friend and it’s like I’m never gonna have him to myself I’m sharing and I’m tired of sharing I can do what I want in the comfort of my own home because he has a niece and nephew that just come in so sex is dull he has no personality our life is eat and sit in the house and that’s not me I’m more of a free spirit and I lost that I lost friends and etc I’m just ready to walk away for good we have no children we don’t talk marriage so once again I’m wasting yrs
Get rid of him babe I know it’s hard but you deserve better and can do better, you’ll find someone who you get along with the family and can go travel etc.
I have similar situation , hope we can talk more .
I’m soon to be 24 i’m a mother a two with my partner who ive been with for 4 years. I tolarate his family because I care so much for my partners feelings getting hurt in the process hes quite sensitive but have to be honest his family is wearing thin with me now! His mothers house is the mothers meeting of gossip talk trash about other peoples issues… dispite this his family have more kids then they can handle with 9 grandkids plus 4 foster kids they have chosen to take on till they get good homes. These kids have been through enough to end up into care without having them hear any of this gossip of drugs & beating & stabbing people up ect plus they arent the best role models always telling the kids off all the time no bonding with them no praise when they’ve achieved somthing this problem also having the same effect on the grandkids. I dont say much but its really getting on my nurves that this is having an effect on the kids i always leave the house angry my mother instincts kick in & i get a little prtotective & pull my kids away from them now because of this ive been told im part of the gossip as a child that needs to grow up & recently had to hear from my partners brother on our sons 1st birthday that his mothers talking about us behind our back & puts on the water works saying she dosnt see our kids enough. Me & my parnter were both frustrated with this as we only live round the corner she can drives i dont atm & has snatched the attention we should of been giving our son on his day see my problem how we have to make the effert! I told my parnter she can come visit us so we’re not caught up in annoying gossip & we get to do this on our terms that we are comfertable with which was great till shes back to her old games of not coming over & wants us back at hers. I dont want to give them the satisfaction of making us do things their way or the opitunity to talk about us again but my life dont involve on making them happy or upsetting my kids for the sake of making her or her favorite daughter in laws happy if anything was to happen to any of them their would be no love lost between us i really couldnt care less about them but eithan though its easy for me im worried about my partner as a suporttive girlfriend i need to know what i can do for him ?? Also we are due to get marride soon its been keeping me awake at night i dont feel at all like its going to be a day to enjoy because i dont want them their ruining everything so im trying to push the wedding to austraila were they wont be able to travel what shall i do
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years going on 3 and living with him for the past year. I have two kids and he has custody of his daughter so we all live together. his family never approve of him leaving his house to come live with me mind you him and his daughter lived with his mom and dad since the child has been born. every holiday me and my kids are excluded out of all his family holiday parties and function. so this easter we decided that we are going to do a holiday as a family but now all of sudden his mom is taking his daughter until Monday after the holiday. I told him how I felt and now we are arguing what do I do
With a heavy and broken heart I would want to share my story. I have a bf of 6 year relationship. We are both working in living in USA. His parents are from India. They first came to visit him and meet me. But they are very cheap and controlling him. They wanted me to become a vegetarian, wanted to stay with us after our marriage, they wanted us pay for everything of their visits, expenses, even his brother family and his sister in law family. All of them wanted to visit USA, however wanted everything covered. We are not earning much and we planned for marriage. So I disagree with my bf. Then he yelled at me and we had a terrible fight. Before they came we were very happily live together, he cares for me a lot. Now he just listens to his demanding family. Sadly we are separated as a result of that.
I am missing him who had loved me before his family showed up. It is hard to find someone you love and someone really love you. But I don’t know how to cope with the fact that we are no longer being together.
They live through him be thankful because you have your own thoughts and feelings keeping him would mean giving up your right to be you !!!!!!!!!
One of my boyfriend’s sisters is really annoying the hell out of me and I hate when people try to intimidate me. I’m extremely kind, friendly and respectful but when someone tries to disrespect me I shut them down. That being said it’s hard when it’s your boyfriend’s sister because you know he loves her and he’s a family man and I’m a family woman. We’re taking things seriously but right now I’m doubting if I should even continue with him if this is how it will be because I’m thinking about the future since we are considering marriage. I know there’s problems in every family but if his sister is gonna act like she’s the chief and she can do whatever she wants then like your article says maybe it’s time for me to leave then.
I feel you so well. Each and every word was everything I could relate to.
My boyfriends brother and I got into it a few times, and it got to the point where she thinks it’s okay to steal my things . She does it to be petty , but the mother does or says absolutely nothing to her . She acts as though she is afraid of her . My boyfriend even said she had the nerve to go around the family talking about me , and said that my boyfriend acts as if I’m more important than his family . I forgot to mention the whole reason it began is due to her feeling some sorta way about me not talking to her . She acts like a spoiled child .
correction * my boyfriends sister
I hate my boyfriend’s sisters. I am a naturally introverted person and quite the oldest among the bunch, so I don’t really mingle much. I just don’t talk a lot, but I can be chatty when needed. They think I am being rude, and said so many hurtful words at me. I have never experienced being insulted so much for such a petty reason, and I find it hard to forgive.
You just wrote about my whole life my bfs mom and sister think the same about me its so ridiculous.. I just dont like to talk much
Same here girlfriend! :( I was yelled at by his sisters in front of him. I’ve been having a really hard time with it because he didn’t stand up for me. It has been causing arguments, tears, and almost a break-up! I wish I knew what to do, but I hope you can feel a little better knowing you are not alone!
Yes. My girlfriend friends have said that I seem mean or that I act like don’t want to be there. It’s becuz I don’t but they could have kept that to themselves. Knowing that my feelings are showing on my face makes me rethink if i should come around..
Def my situation.:( you’re not alone! His mom even said I need to change (and become less introverted lol).
Definitely in the same situation. Have been in a 5 year relationship now with a military man, and his sisters and his mom absolutely despise me. I’m naturally quiet around the family because I have never really had a big family, and they think that I am just being rude and don’t care about any of them.
Right now, I’m still struggling with it a lot and I’m afraid it may be leading to our breakup. You’re not alone, that’s for sure.
I’ll be a saint if I can follow all of it.
I’m trying some of it but…
Life is too short to squander time with people i dislike and justifiably distrust.
I am stuck right now …. my boyfriend and I have our own apartment about a hour away from his family. Let me start out by saying he is Russian and his parents just moved to the states about ten years ago. I am from here and the culture is completely opposite. It started with his mother calling me bad names like whore , You need to act more like a Russian girl, snag looks. It was never enough for her no matter how much I helped out or tried to have that relationship. That wasn’t the worst about two months ago she had reached out to his x girlfriend ( which she had talked bad about to me for along time ) gave her his new number and hooked them back up togther. That’s when I broke down and went through a lot emotionally. I don’t know what to do from here. It’s been about two months since then and she’s yet to apologize or have contact with my boyfriend because I cannot trust her at all. I feel like I’m taking him away from his family but I just don’t know what to do…. will it get better or worse ?
Im so sorry for that… It must be so awful.. As long as u have great communication with your boyfriend.. And he knows that your trying to be good with his mom but she just wont give u a chance… He needs to know who is mom truly is. Ots best to stay away from her
I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now and i have been living with him for 10 months. The thing is we don’t live alone his brother and his gf live with us as well. But they are the most disgusting roommates ever. At this point I can’t even cook in the kitchen because she has dishes piled up like mountains. Before i moved in i knew how disgusting they lived since i would come visit my bf, so i knew what i was getting myself into. His brother is with this lazy dirty girl who has made him even lazier that they don’t do anything other than smoke weed all day. She doesn’t clean cook or take out their dogs. I dont have dogs nor do i have the money and time for it. It makes me so sad their dogs will be weeping waiting on them to take them out while they’re too busy laying in bed. Its not my job to clean up after 2 other adults who are older than i am. The first few months i cleaned every single day which is ridiculous after 8 months of taking care of 3 adults i told my bf sorry but im over it im not a maid nor a slave. My bf sees me stressed has spoken to his brother about the situation but they don’t want to compromise. I really don’t understand how is it so hard to take an hour out of your “busy” day to wash ur dishes, take your trash out, and walk YOUR dogs. Why would they even get 2 dogs they dont want to take care of?? I have reached my limit to the point where i really think of just leaving my bf and focus on my career than keep stressing over people not wanting to help me. At this point their dogs literally follow me around and sleep in my bed now cause i take care of them. His brother tells his whole family that he wants to leave his gf but it has taken him 5 years to get rid of someone that does nothing for him emotionally or physically. I guess at this point i really can’t stand his brother and his girl they’re ungrateful. And ive spoken millions of times to my bf. But he says he talks with him but nothing changes. And im not trying to wait on adults to change. I want my peace of mind back even if it means leaving the love of my life for my sanity.
Exactly whats happening to me right now. What did you do about it? I honestly dont have any idea what to do
just find roommates and keep dating your boyf but don’t live with him lol problem solved he can come visit u for sleepovers instead of u visiting him
I’m really going to try to take these tips in. After reading the comments I feel bad for alot of the woman here. My boyfriend of a year has a brother that I can’t stand. So far what’s he’s told me about most of his family I already feel iffy about going around them because he said they were judgmental and talk alot of shit but thank god he doesn’t talk to alot of those family members. All he really has is his 2 brothers and his dad and his dads young kids 4, 1 and 8 that he had with a new marriage and the one person that bothers me is my bfs younger brother(he’s almost 19) he’s been so disrespectful n rude of our relationship. & for some reason my bf doesn’t see that. He lets his little brother disrespect him N walk all over him for example : when we first got together me and my bf were on the phone and his little brother said he didn’t want to hear our conversation so he started bumping his music really really loud I couldn’t hear my bf on the other side of the phone Another time my bf borrowed his brothers iPad to call me because my bfs speaker on his phone went out and his brother snatches the ipad back and hangs up our call because a FaceTime call with his friend was more important and he didn’t respect me n my bfs phone call then another time my bf borrowed his brothers phone to call me because his speaker on his phone went out and his brother was in the background saying “you better say thank you to me for letting me let him talk to you”with a voice of authority n i was confused because my boyfriend is the one that pays his phone bill and even one time I was on the phone with my bf and his brother starts rushing him off the phone and I got annoyed because he didn’t let us finish our conversation and his brother just acts like a spoiled entitled child with superiority over us and I get so mad that my bf doesn’t tell him anything he just lets his behavior continue and now that my bf is moving out of his house where his brothers n him live to come live with me, his brother was trying to put stuff in my his head about moving out saying he’s not gonna be able to go out and asking my bf weren’t we arguing alot why are you moving then? And I’m just like this kid doesn’t know anything he’s not in our relationship he doesn’t know why were having a dispute. That’s apart of relationships nobody’s perfect n arguments happen nd i also just lost our baby i just feel like he doesn’t respect our relationship n he’s jealous that his brother found happiness and he just can’t take it. When my bf would come home from work he always calls me and talks to me the drive home and all the way up until he actually gets into his house and his brother would always tell him to stop smiling in his face he didn’t want him smiling in his face. I just feel like I’m not going to get along with this kid and i feel uncomfortable around him. My bfs sister is having a baby shower at the end of August n i really don’t want to go because of his disrespectful brother he might try to turn his family against me so he could break us up?
I don’t even know where to start because this topic gives me teary eyes.I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now and it’s a walk in hell with his 2 sisters constantly asking money/food,transport money&prepaid electricity…actually everything they want and even sending him around like a little boy.they invite his X girlfriend over but when he was still dating her,they hated her with a passion,they now using his gay son to destroy our relationship and he’s aware of all this but still he does nothing about it.now I’m being hated because of him,I’m tired of this and I’ve spoken to him but no progress.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, and we have a daughter together. His family doesn’t speak any English and whenever I get around them I feel uncomfortable and automatically just shut down. I don’t speak, I try to avoid them. Recently my boyfriends mother came to our home, to ‘help out’ since my boyfriend broke his ankle. I wanted to leave and go to my moms house while his mom was here , so I could avoid the situation and not have to feel uncomfortable in my own home. My boyfriend caused a fit and I ended up staying. So she’s here , and my boyfriend is acting like suddenly he cleans or cooks. He’s trying to fold cloths (something he never does) and cook (doesn’t do that either) to show his mom that he’s actually an adult or something. So his mom pretty much took over my house … cooking and cleaning. Trying to wash my cloths. I took it as disrespectful cuz it seemed like she was trying to say I wasn’t cleaning enough. Or helping my boyfriend enough. There’s a language barrier so I often misinterpret conversations and actions. My boyfriend tried to force me to join the table at dinner. So I sat there and fed my daughter while he talked to his mom the whole time. I just feel like there’s no point to even try to interact with someone who doesn’t speak the same language and when no one bothers to translate what’s going on anyway. I will admit I do come off rude , but me and my boyfriend were arguing in front of his mother which is unnecessary. So I didn’t want to be bothered by anyone. He treats his mother way better then he treats me … which he says is because of my attitude. Idk , the whole experience just made me feel replaceable and unneeded. I don’t feel like my boyfriend loves me .. just seeing how he treats his mom versus how he treats me.
Omg I’m in the same situation!!! I get really bothered though because my boyfriend and I were living under his family roof after we had our first baby this year and honestly I just wanted to share things with him more and not his family… I know that sounds selfish but I’m just a sensitive person and that’s how I felt. Problems started with me when his mom would do everything she wanted with my baby, they would never ask me if it was ok to do something with the baby. I didn’t like his brother or sister holding our baby. I kept things inside till she was about 3 months. I exploded after that.. I told him about things that bothered me and he didn’t seem to care one bit! He definitely chose his family over me and I was dumb enough to just brush it off. One day me and his mom got in a fight because she was holding the baby and she passed the baby to his sister and I got mad and told him let’s leave and she got up and passed the baby to me all rude and told me off but at the same time she told me it was my daughter and in my head I’m just like well duh my daughter if I’m not ok with someone why do you keep fucking doing it. Well anyway like I said I’m a sensitive person and I just can’t over the fact that she yelled at me in front of everyone. I still feel embarrassed when we go over there and I’m not comfortable. I try to just play things off because we fought about this plenty of times and nothing is going to change epscially since the holidays are here… ugh!!! Idk I just hate them and I wish we could just live somewhere else and not talk to anybody.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years now. We have lived together for a while now and we moved to his home town about 7 months ago. Before we moved we were driving about 2 hours nearly every weekend to go pick his aunt up from the Rest home she was living in at the time. His aunt had moved there after being discharged from a mental institution. She has schizophrenia. Well now that we live closer we go pick her up more often. We run her up and down the road so much. So now she has her own place and she has been over to my boyfriends and my place a few times. Every chance this woman gets alone with me she asks me about my job, like where I work, how much I make, how many hours do I work, do I work everyday and lots more. Now this really makes me angry because she has absolutely no right to ask me those types of questions, I am absolutely not related to you. Then on top of all this over time I realized my boyfriend caters to her. He will bring her over to visit and during this visit he always cooks. On one occasion he brings her over. She walks in the door and the first things she says is ” so you gotta loose some weight huh?” She hasn’t even sat down yet my teeth were gritting I was so angry. But he and I cook and the foods ready and he makes her plate then gives to her while she’s setting at the table then he asks her if she wants a drinks she say yes then she asks for the hot sauce and all kinds of other stuff and he gives all to her. SHE DOESNT HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER. later after she finished eat we put on a movie that she wants to watch. I go into the kitchen and I’m cleaning up. She asks me do you have any candy I replied yes we do it’s right beside you there on table in the purple bowl. OMG I thought the exersist had come in my home she was looking around and the bowls is literally right beside her. I guess she wanted me to walk all the way from the kitchen to give her the candy that was right beside her. I told my boyfriend after she had went home and he knows she lazy and he knows why. It’s because he caters to her. There is so much that this woman says sometimes that I get angry. If I know she is coming I take medication so that when she does say this stupid stuff hopefully I’ll be calm enough it won’t bother me. I Dred it when he brings her over cause she nosy and lazy. I know she has schizophrenia but come on now you know right from wrong. He loves his aunt but one things for sure I don’t have to and I don’t. And I know hates is a strong word but this woman has run us around town so much and then when she didn’t get her way this past Christmas she lied on both my boyfriend and me. She forgets a lot of convenient things that we have done for her and in just fed up
I guess the best way is to touch all bases of the problem. I mean seriously, just to gather at the roundtable and to discuss all the things that you like and dislike. If you and your boyfriend and his family are more or less adequate people, you are going to find some compromise.
Me and my current boyfriend Ricky and I have been dating for almost 3 years now. At one point in our relationship i was living with him his mom and his little brother. His mom is addicted to pain pills and meth and everytime she doesnt have any drugs she thinks shes dying. One night my boyfriend made dinner for the family his sis brother n mom and his mom freaked out for no reason started swinging on ricky and he pushed her off of him then his sister comes charging at him cuz he pushed the mom down so the sister is swinging on ricky now and idk what to do i wanted to whoop her ass for hitting my man for no reason but i didnt. I simply grabed his sis around the stomach and yanked her off of him. Then his mom comes up behind me and starts pulling my hair swinging on me. So i fought her back. Also that night his sister thru a bottle of alcohol at my new car got glass everywhere n chipped my paint on my car. Ever since then i want nothing to do with his family n neither does Ricky. His sister also brings up her bestfriend becca that took rickys virginity when he was 11 everytime were around she compares her to everything. She knows me and becca dont get along cuz becca trys to medal in me and rickys relationship. After me n ricky moved out his mother invited his ex amber over n let her stay in our old bedroom. Ricky hates amber, so do i n his mom knew how we felt about her n still had her over doing drugs with amber n let her stay in our bedroom. N then tried to lie about it. I just dont understand why his family does this stuff. I have clothed,fed, and taken care of their son/ brother n thats how they treat me like shit. I have motivated Ricky to start college n to get a better job which hes done both n they treat me like im trash.
Hey, my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. We have known each other for years though. We started talking a few years ago, but since we lived in two different states, decided it was best to go our separate ways. Well after he left Bootcamp (he’s a marine) he went and was stationed in Missouri. While there, we found each other again on social media. (We were both dating someone at the time)… Long story short he ended up breaking up with his girlfriend for me… and now we live together… But NOW HIS FAMILY STILL INVITES HER OVER AND SHE STILL TELLS HIM THAT SHE LOVES HIM AND STILL WANTS TO “DO IT”… They act like they don’t like me, but he says that do.. But if they did, why do that still invite her over? They’re trying to get him to break up with me.
U know what u should do just ignore the family as much as u can and u have to ask urself if u really love him? And if the answer is yes then u know what u should do. Either u have to take the face that this is his family and end of the day it still his family and u never be able to change the way they are and they way they think!
The only way u can do is either to ignore them as much as u can and just close ur eyes pretend like nothing happen and walk off don’t care too much cos if it happening like this every now and then, u should of know the way his family like by now. I know it is easy for me to say but it is really hard for u to do it and it will takes time to come to that point. And remember it is never work for u to live with the Inlaw. And the best way is to move out and live only for 2 of u if u can effort it. And u have to try to explain how u feeling to ur partner. And don’t try to put him in the middle cos it would be hard for him too if u think about it! But at the same time it is his family so he will always trust and love his family so for u to make him trust in u and understand how u feel, u have to be very patient and try ur best also try to suck it up with his family for a bit and try to get close to them to get to know them well and from then u will learn a lot about them why they like this and what actually they want! But just worried about ur self and ur partner. Ignore them but if it get too much for u and u can’t take it then u have to make ur own decision to move on cos there is no point to suffer ur self. Loyalty it doesn’t pay off anymore these day so think carefully cos it is ur life and u have the choice to leave it or stuck there. Hope it helps u! :) all the best for u!
My boyfriends mother and father both have no respect for me they say it is just a fling and he and I won’t last,they encourage him to look at other girls and have “fun” while he’s on vacation in Greece and that I’ll never know he doesn’t but how do I deal with a family that won’t accept we are happy and who completely in validate me as a person and their sons girlfriend of a year now?
Wow, that’s bad. My boyfriend’s family invited him to a bachelor party at a strip club and never asked me how I felt about it. They like to call themselves good Christians, and then call me a bitch because I have better morals than they do. At the end of the day, you have to talk with your boyfriend about what your life will be like, what your morals are, and make sure you put each other first instead of parents.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now. Right when him and I began to date his mom quickly found out that I’m not really religious and that I’m liberal with decisions like abortion. When we first began dating I was 16 (I am 18 now) and she would gossip about me to her very conservative friends and his 11 year old sister about how I hate Jesus and that I want to “kill her babies” I did not want to confront her so my boyfriend told her that he did not appreciate what she was saying to me to her friends and his little sister who is too young to completely understand. She then said that she was sorry OVER TEXT and then the next day acted like nothing happened. Another day before one of my finals for my anatomy class, which I was struggling in at the time, guilted me into driving his little sister to comic con and made me pay for my own $40 ticket. (She asked me in front of his little sister who I, at the time, liked a lot so it was very hard to say no especially since they had already paid for her ticket).
This stories were all before my first 6 months with him. Now his mom is making him do chores for his sister- like today he has to skip his AP calc test to take his sister to an art museum and he is so brainwashed by his mom that he didn’t understand why skipping school for her chores is a bad thing.
Him and I are both going to the same college once our senior year has ended and it is getting very serious. But I have considered breaking up with him because he I love him and I see that it breaks his heart when I don’t get along with his family. Any advice? I can’t ignore it if it affects my life and his life.
I thought my situation was bad . Reading these comments has me thinking otherwise . My boyfriends mom is a recovering drug addict . It’s not the fact that she once did drugs that annoys me . It’s that she occasionally falls off and gets messed up . She has another son who is only 10 years old . They live in a small trailer with the Grandmom and both his mother and grandmother smoke in the house !! I was not raised around this kind of behavior . But my boyfriend is great and makes me so happy and I love how he has family values but I just wish it was a different family . I really can’t stand his mom I think the drugs damaged her brain and she says the stupidest things I really can’t stand her . She even suggest my boyfriend to hold him self back a year and stay in school so he can stay living with her .. It’s driving me crazy , but all my friend suggest I keep quiet because no bond is like a man and his mom
I can really identify with this. My boyfriend’s mom smokes in the house too and it’s DISGUSTING, I always feel like my clothes are going to smell. My boyfriends mom talked him out of school because she thinks it’s a waste. the house is always disgusting, she has a dog she doesn’t discipline, she’s always leaving empty beer bottles and cigarette butts in the backyard it’s just so trashy and her demeanor isn’t trashy at all, she’s very nice BUT her behavior and presentation is just AWFUL. If I ever had kids with my boyfriend I wouldn’t leave them with her.
My mother in law has absolutely NO boundaries. She is also extremely hard to get a long with. She’s depressed and lonely. She constantly gives “gifts with fish hooks”. She shows up unannounced on my doorstep at least twice a week to dump all of her problems on me and tell me how much she hates her life. I tell her that I think she needs professional help. Her response? “Why would I see a psychiatrist when I have you?” “Your my only friend” “if I didn’t have you I’d really go crazy”. HELP. My boyfriend knows all of this and tells me to tell her to leave me alone?! Nice right? Easier said than done! I’m totally at a loss here
Wow.. And I thought I had it bad.. Reading other comments. My and my boyfriend fight all the time when they arrive.. And as they live far away from is they sleep over!. My boyfriend is a cop. And I live in Chile. But born in UK. His mum keeps sending me messages saying to change just because I live here now.. The people here are far more close the the uk.. Here you can’t leave without answering all their damn questions.. Before I leave his mum throws about.. 20 questions at me in one go. …i just had a baby with my boyfriend. So I cant leave
I want my baby girl to have both parents but his family are just a bunch of retards. Hope my baby doesn’t grow up like them. I’m really hanging on by a thread now.. Just want to run from all this stress. Plus they know a baby is suppose to get sleep
. His brother mum and sister plus his brothers friends all came over to drink loads and play music until 5am this morning.. I mean. What assholes. While my boyfriend was working all night..
It’s like I have no right to say anything to them…. Stress!!!
On my opinion it’s very important to have respect for the family. Because, eventually this has a negative impact on the relationship! You can’t speak and see each once a year, but internally have the respect and then everything goes well!
I love my boyfriend with all my heart but he’s fucking brother is getting on my last nerve he’s always coming up with these rude jokes towards me and he’s family sees nothing wrong with it I told my boyfriend and of course I got the what are you talking about and the fingers pointed to me as the bad guy but reality I just can’t deal with anymore , I cry to my family about how he’s family is so rude to me and I just can’t take it anymore …. my boyfriend won’t do anything so I’m just going to keep to myself like I have been
I am right there with you. My boyfriend makes excuses for his idiot brother. That his brother has a “hard” time apologizing and therefore won’t do it. What is this guy a five year old? No manners, no empathy. He’s been told that he is causing problems for his brother and me and he simply doesn’t care!
My boyfriend meets all of the qualities I desire in a partner. He is kind, funny, puts me at the top of his priority list, has a charitable spirit, helps people for a living, and does everything he possibly can to make me happy.
On another note, he has four adult children close to my age, and two young children, all from three different mothers. His daughter just had a baby with his ex-wife’s son. His other son is in and out of jail. His ex-wife is a super B*tch from heck and is going to get a large amount of alimony which will affect our lifestyle. His young kids are okay but I have no love for them.
I don’t know if I want to go on subjecting myself to these trashy and downright mean people. Furthermore, I would like to have a child soon and don’t know if I want to subject the child to a complicated family dynamic, with brothers and sisters all over the place from different moms.
I love my man but I don’t know if I am doing the right thing by staying with him. I’m torn. On top of that, my love for him is more of a combination of intimacy and commitment, but is definitely not passionate. Any suggestions?
My mother in law is worse than Robert DeNiro as a former CIA agent. I would love to limit contact but my SO insists on taking me with him when he visits.
What’s the way out? :(
Thanks for the visit, Liz and comment.
Have you had a talk to your SO about your feelings? I know all mothers will usually always continue to love their sons so I doubt you’ll ever stop that from happening.
What have you tried so far since the only real way out is to leave your SO and I doubt you want this?
I truly enjoyed reading this post. This is a problem I am facing these days. My guy has three sisters, and each one of them is such a nasty woman. They never let us spend some quality time with each other. Every now and then, one of them will call him up , with a list of things that their brother should do for them. I really hate this. And my boyfriend loves his sisters a lot, so in no sense I can show my disapproval to him, as this will affect our relation. You have surely given me some points to ponder upon and in turn apply to my situation. Thanks for this post.
Oh boy have I been in Jennifer Lopez’s shoes hehe
So many times have I wanted to punch my boyfriend’s mother right in the nose. She’s been such an utter bitch to me and my guy. Thanks for the tips. I think I’ll start with the ignoring approach and see how that goes :)
Thanks for the comment, Lisa! First let me say congratulations on NOT punching her.. that would be the worst way of dealing with her!
I’m glad you liked the tips, I really hope they can help you and your relationship!
Saw this float by on StumbleUpon, Michael.
I gotta say I’ve been through this so many times, it isn’t funny, with past boyfriends. Well, even my current one too lol
For me, ignoring their stupid antics and owning my own power has worked wonderfully. For me any way.
I don’t agree with limiting contact as I prefer to support my man in any way I am able.
Hey, Bella! Sorry to hear you’ve been through this with so many boyfriends, but that’s great that you’ve found a way to deal with the situation that works for you!
Limiting contact is obviously something you don’t want to HAVE to do, but for certain relationships it’s better than nothing!
Thanks for your feedback!
I could not agree with you more that avoiding conflicts and limiting contacts are the best strategies possible. It would be stupid to tell your man to choose between you and his family. Think what would you do in a similar situation.
It’s surprising how often a partner will have the other make a choice between them and something else. As you rightly say though, Julia, it is stupid.
People should never give an ultimatum as the resulting decision might not be what they were expecting.
Ever had this done to you?
Exactly, Julia! Even if your boyfriend’s family isn’t the nicest to you, it’s not fair to make him choose between you and them. I would never be able to chose anyone over my family. Blood is thicker than water, as they say.
If all of the things I suggested in this post fail, I always just think how it could be worse.. You could be Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents! No one can be worse than Robert De Niro as a former CIA agent!
Thanks for the comment!