End An Argument As Best You Can
I’m wondering is a magic phrase when you’re in a tough argument and needing to discover stuff from your partner.
Hey, you know the night when you said …., I’m wondering what that aren’t meant?
I’ve really only just recently discovered a few alternate ways in getting better results, for us both, when in a frustrating debate (I’ll call it a debate, for now :)) with my sweetheart.
When you’re frustrated in an argument
I admit it – I’d be a challenging person to live with. Not because I want everything my own way – quite the opposite.
I want to please and I want to know things about my wife. Feelings, her inner thoughts and thoughts she has about me.
Because we both think and communicate very differently, there is sometimes friction when a misunderstanding or misinterpretation comes along.
I handle it one way and my wife Pam Papier handles it another.
One thing leads to another, we both think we’re probably right, things get a bit heated (or just plain cold) and before you know it, there’s frustration and internal anger.
Why Does It Go That Way?
When a relationship is good, it’s usually really good.
Do you know what the next part is?
We all travel through life as individuals.
We develop our minds with only ourselves as the priority. People who we come into contact with are outside our initial concern. By that I mean, we look to ourselves as the only ones we really need to satisfy.
But what happens when a significant other comes along?
Normality No More
Oh my Goodness!
Now I suddenly have to think of another person. And that person is really someone I care for, more…
The real challenge is to be able to share what was once ours alone and share that with another, unreservedly.
The biggest hurdle to really get past next is arguing.
Life is view each others historical perspectives and the initial presumption is to win the argument and present a case to the opponent that you’re also right in what you say.
No Longer A Loving Place To Be
Even arguing should be done within a loving environment and it rarely is.
Arguing usually opens up an abundance of unintentional negative emotions, swaying the loving normality over to the dark side. It’s innocuous and subtle.
And that’s where a healthy habit of …
I Was Wondering …
… comes in.
- The non-confrontational nature of the enquiry helps defuse the issue at hand.
- It’s calming to both sides.
- It promotes discussion instead of rage or anger or further conflict.
- The loving returns.
Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion
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- What’s one thing you’ve used to defuse an argument?
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And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
6 thoughts on “I Am Wondering How To Best End An Argument”
Nice post and a good reminder to step out of ourselves to consider the other viewpoint. Made me think of a suggestion my husband and I heard at a marriage enrichment program "Try arguing naked."
Welcome to the site, MaryAnn.
I wonder how many arguing couples can actually get to be naked though? Certainly would quickly end the disagreement if it was a possibility which I'm suspecting is near on impossible until the issue is almost resolved.
What are some things you might think of in being able to get both naked, with the view of ceasing the disagreement? Now I'd be interested in this next comment, if you dare :)
When my marriage was good I would try to turn the negative into a positive.
Like regroup my thoughts with softer, non threaten words and come closer to him with a gentle touch. And yes this would lead to make up sex for us anyway.
Oh wow, totally fabulous to have you commenting here, Janis.
You’ve got so much experience to share with others too.
Agree that when it comes to arguing, if the past methods don’t seem to work then it’s time for a different approach. And some good old fashioned make-up sex softens the past and strengthens the future too. That’s a good thing.
Great post. It's helpful to realize that we only enter arguments if agree to take part in them. It's always positive to use active listening skills with the other person and realize that their thoughts and behaviors are theirs, not yours.
Thanks for taking the time to comment, Guy.
Certainly agree with the listening skills. The challenging issue always seems to get past the overwhelming feeling to be 'in the right' as opposed to let's both win. I know I falter on this myself and when the other party is also in this frame of mind, that's where the real challenge begins.
It's certainly a learning experience, if you allow it to be.