- Ever gotten into trouble by speaking your mind?
- What about just telling the truth, as you see it?
Before we move on, take 5 seconds and make a choice.
We All Get In The Poo Sometimes
OK, the reason I was looking for how other people pay compliments to others was something that recently happened to me. (and you thought I was perfect, huh :)).
To put it simply, I called my wife, ‘sexy’.
To put it into context, I also tell her she’s gorgeous and beautiful, on other occasions but, at the time and in my mind, she just looked so sexy so I told her so.
Now, to me, it was a spontaneous and instant compliment
Equally important, is the transparency of my thoughts and expression – I count that as highly important in a relationship.
So What’s The Issue Then?
To put it bluntly, my second wife Pam Allen eventually let me know she thinks being called sexy isn’t a compliment as she thinks it’s like a wolf whistle from a stranger.
And she’s been called sexy by street pedlars in South Africa so there’s a mental association there for her which is kinda crappy.
I was a little taken aback thinking I was paying her a private compliment and one that I associated with a combination of good looking, gorgeous, beautiful and sensually attractive (to me).
Seems I can’t take a trick these days with her. Compliments or personal gifts :) They all seem to get shoved away, time to try something else to make her pleased and happy.
Moral Of The Story
What you think you’re delivering isn’t necessarily what’s being received!
Now while I’ve taken this fragment of information onboard, I considered whether this might affect me still giving spontaneous compliments, since it might be likely to be received wrong.
But, you know what?
That isn’t my issue and the responsibility falls on the other.
Sure, I won’t be using ‘sexy’ again and now that’s filed away and removed from the ‘Compliment Bank’ :)
Good communication and the knowingness of both that they can drop some potentially hurtful dialogue on you, is vital.
The chat might get a little heated, it’s likely to invoke some great insights and reveal some history you didn’t know before.
Keep Doing It
- Keep complimenting each other.
- Take on feedback.
- Stay positive
- Use the opportunity for more relationship discovery
- And have fun
Had This Yourself?
So how about you? Ever fallen foul of a compliment?
2 thoughts on “Should Everyone Tell It Like It Is OR Never Say You’re Sexy”
Just Quickly: ‘Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Taken’ is a line that I most certainly be ‘borrowing’ from you :P
I’ll try and keep my thoughts on this as tight-knit as I can as i’ve been known to waffle when discussing this topic in the past.
I know that if someone calls me ‘sexy,’ I instantly go to thinking, ‘well? Is that all I am?’ whereas I have girlfriends and guy friends who would welcome ‘sexy’ as a compliment with open, adoring arms. It really is a case of ‘horses for courses’ and my sole piece of advice would be to get a feel of the landscape – i.e. actually TALK to the person in question a little – prior to dipping into your bag of compliments.
After all, if you starting throwing out compliments when you’re not even in a position to know whether or not the person you’re dishing them out will appreciate them, how much weight will those words actually be carrying anyway?
Oh for sure, in most cases you should understand the other person who you’re giving a compliment.
Thing is, I thought (thought is the operative word in this case) I understood Pam would have appreciated ‘sexy’. Oops hehehe
Ever had a compliment rebuttal yourself?